On Slashdot, I read an article about the “paradox of abundance”, where people feel like something is less valuable simply because it’s easier to get or more common. This made me think about two harmful myths of our culture.

The myth that rarity equals value. In some cases, it’s true that rarity can affect value, for instance of lots of people like gold because it’s pretty, but there just isn’t very much gold, then the value will go up due to its rarity. But many people might have said “the value is high because of its rarity,” and that is simply rubbish. The value is high because people think it’s pretty! Or useful! Or whatever! Just because something is rare does not automatically mean that it is valuable. Imagine a world where we really did have enough for everyone. I would want to be happy in that world. Wouldn’t you?

The myth that effort equals value. There are a few cases where extra effort can increase the value of something, but most of the time, it’s just a harmful myth. For instance, people who work 60-hour weeks are usually valued more highly than people who work 40-hour weeks, even if the 40-hour-a-week people produce twice as many useful results. The harm caused by this manifestation of the “effort = value” myth is obvious, but there are a lot more subtle ones too. Imagine that two of your friends each help others in various ways. Your first friend works really hard at it and puts a lot of effort into it, but your second friend does it effortlessly and almost accidentally. Society tells us to value the first friend’s accomplishments more because they worked harder for them. This is bullshit and incredibly insidious! If people at large believe that effort equals value, then we’re not really being encouraged to grow, to learn, to help others, or to do useful things. We’re being encouraged to try hard. And often, what is encouraged is what ends up manifesting. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to live in a world where people are encouraged to grow, to learn, to help others, and to do useful things, because that’s the world in which those results are most likely to happen.

The past few days, I’ve been in a funk. I had just finished Land of Legends and Steambot Chronicles, and there weren’t any more video games I was really interested in playing. Then I realized to my chagrin that there was absolutely nothing I was really interested in doing at all. I decided to take it as a life lesson and take this opportunity to break (or at least diminish) my addiction to video games. That didn’t make it suck any less, but I did get some insights out of it, which I’ll now share with y’all.

I think that we are mostly robots. I think we’re mostly slaves to our cravings and our addictions. We’re not really free to do what we deeply, truly want, we don’t choose our own actions, we just react. We just react to fulfill whatever craving or addiction we’re feeling at the moment. We trick ourselves into thinking that we’re in control of our lives, that our addictions are really our true deepest desires, but we’re really just being buffeted around by the randomly shifting currents of our cravings and whims.

So, if I were in a non-funk, I would think something like “So, the way to rise above being just an animal or a robot is to practice weighing my desires. I’ll weigh my cravings against my deepest desires, and choose to act according to what I want the most. That way, I can choose, and I can be in control.”

But in the funk, that just seemed completely pointless. What’s the difference between a craving and a deep desire? Aren’t they just two versions of the same thing? What is motivation? Where does it come from? Is being motivated by a craving the same as being motivated by a deep desire? If I’m acting according to my deep desires, how is that any different than being buffeted around by random addictions? It’s just being buffeted around by my deep desires instead. I’m still just a pawn, I’m not in control, I’m just reacting to my desires, both shallow and deep, both short-term and long-term.

I felt like this for a long time, but after a conversation with Sera & Kyeli, I now realize that it’s completely silly. It’s basically complaining about having desires at all. I do still have a choice. I could choose to do something I don’t want to do. Desires don’t take anything away from me. I don’t lose anything by choosing to do what I want. It’s just part of being human to have desires, and my existential flailing seems kind of silly now. I’m glad I had the opportunity to experience that sense of fear and disorientation, but I’m happy to be out of that funk.

Appreciate.

I’m not technophobic anymore! Woot!

Pace called me on it last night when I mentioned being nervous about using the laptop. I said, “It’s cause I’m technophobic, remember?” She said I had no other signs of ever being such, so I said I’d think about it.

And, lo, this morning, I awakened with the knowledge that I am no longer afraid of technology! I used to be, big time. But I realized that it’s now just stale, used as a cover for laziness; instead of figuring out how my laptop works, I’m ‘afraid’ of it. Instead of figuring out how my new phone works, I’m ‘afraid’ of it.

Well, I won’t be having with that, either.

Yay!

“Each of us cries that we are lost. We ask the darkened room, who are we? And we demand easy answers: I am my father’s son. My mother’s daughter. A child of this family, or that.”

“That’s the nature of mankind,” she agreed.

“True, but Corojum had an answer that is equally true, and I like his better! We are made of the stuff of stars, given our lives by a living world, given our selves by time. We are brother to the trees and sister to the sun. We are of such glorious stuff we need not carry pain around like a label. Our duty, as living things, to be sure that pain is not our whole story, for we can choose to be otherwise. As Ellin says, we can choose to dance.”

-Sheri Tepper, Six Moon Dance

Over the past few months, I have been more frequently facing my fear.

I learned recently, quite suddenly, that most of my fear springs from an old, stale defense mechanism. I learned at some point that being afraid makes people listen to me. If I say, “This situation is causing me a lot of fear and pain”, it is extremely likely that my parents/partners/friends/whatever will stop and pay attention to me.

I’ve always had very strong intuition. I can peg people, places, and situations fairly accurately, and am seldom wrong. But I have always felt like, if I said, “My intuition is telling me this is a bad situation”, I would be ignored, but using ‘fear and pain’ is pretty much guaranteed to grant a full stop. In fact, I can remember as a child, telling my mom something (many things; it happened more than once) didn’t feel right, and her saying I was being ridiculous or that I was spouting nonsense… but if I was really afraid to go somewhere or talk to someone, she would listen. It became a completely subconscious way of dealing with the world around me; it was so deeply ingrained that I was really startled to figure it out!

And, it’s actually a form of manipulation, even though it is very honest; I really am feeling afraid.

Well, now. I won’t be having with that. (:

I now feel empowered to overcome this, in and of and for myself. Both of my wives have promised to listen to my intuition, which further empowers me to use intuition-based reactions rather than fear-based reactions, when there is no need for fear. I am surrounded with friends and loved ones who trust me and love me, and that even further empowers me to step away from fear into myself.