What is the connection paradigm?
by Pace on October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:47 pm in
Connection Paradigm
What is the connection paradigm? First, I’ll explain what I mean by “paradigm”. A paradigm is a shared reality, co-created by its participants. A culture or a society has certain values and filters that are imposed by default on its members; a paradigm is the same sort of thing but on an even more basic level. Paradigm is almost invisible to most people these days, because there’s only one dominant paradigm right now. People know of the existence of multiple cultures, but almost all of these cultures are within the dominant paradigm. This makes paradigm a pretty tricky thing to talk about and point at, so I’ll try to be more concrete.
The dominant paradigm in today’s world is the control paradigm. There are pervasive assumptions of control throughout all major cultures and throughout all aspects of life. Businesses seek to dominate the market and crush the competition. Farmers seek to isolate their crops from “outside” influences and engineer their genes for maximum yield. Governments seek power over their people. Jealous lovers seek to control their mates. Marketers seek to convince others to buy their products. Bosses seek to manage their resources, thereby keeping control of those “under” them. Parents raise their children. Political groups fight for their rights. Scientists seek to harness Nature. All these words are control words. What is a harness? It’s a device you put on an animal to better control it. Many of these words have positive connotations, but if you take a closer look at them you’ll see that they are all rooted in the control paradigm.
The control paradigm is so ubiquitous, it’s hard to see around the blinders of its assumptions. But imagine with me for a while, and let’s see where we can go. Imagine a world like this. Businesses care about their customers and want to help them. Farmers grow food in harmony with the surrounding ecosystem. Governments seek to serve their people. Lovers love their mates. Marketers seek permission to offer their products to those who might be helped by them. Workers seek to support their co-workers. Parents nurture their children. These words are connection words. The connection paradigm is an alternative to the control paradigm.
“But you’re describing a fantasy world,” you might argue. Well, it might seem so now, since the control paradigm is currently dominant. But even a small step toward the connection paradigm will help make the world a better place, so even if you don’t agree with all aspects of what I’m saying, maybe we can each do a little bit to help out in our own way.
The connection paradigm is all about connection instead of control. Connection with others and connection with ourselves. Isolation is a control paradigm value because we are more easily controlled when we are isolated. But we are lonely. We desperately want to connect with others, but in the control paradigm, the ways in which we are allowed to connect are very limited. We have also become disconnected from ourselves. We numb our minds with TV, video games, and drugs, and we lose connection with our hearts. Seeking therapy is seen as an embarrassing weakness that you have a problem that needs to be fixed, instead as a commendable effort toward self-improvement. We’re stuck in the control paradigm because we don’t know a better way to be. Well, I don’t have all the answers (I don’t think there is one right answer), but I intend to ask some pretty good questions that might inspire you and that might get you thinking. Keep reading this blog if you’re interested in our thoughts and ideas about how to make the world a better place.
- Related posts:
- I can teach connection without connecting to everyone.
- The Structure of Social Revolutions
- Wedding Wednesday: On the Occasion of the Marriage of Pace and Kyeli
- Why politics is a waste of time
Have you read the Freak Revolution Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.
16 Comments!
#2 Posted by Virtual Magpie (the equivocal adventures of Megan M.) » Blog Archive » Planting Seeds on October 3rd, 2007 7:34 am | link
[...] 3, 2007 ~ Megan M. @ 8:34 am awesome, connection paradigm, control, ideasThis makes me bubbly and excited. It is still very new, but take a look, say what’s on your mind. [...]
#4 Posted by 
Kyeli on October 3rd, 2007 10:09 am | link
Oops, I read it by myself. I couldn’t stop myself once I got started. I hope this is a good thing.
Holy living goodness, this is totally incredibly awesomely awesome. Wow. Wow a lot. Well said, well written. I feel more confident in explaining the Connection paradigm to others now; I think I grok what I’ve been ‘getting’ all along.
#5 Posted by 
Megan M. on October 3rd, 2007 10:47 am | link
K — I feel the same way. It’s very elegantly laid out, and much easier to process, even as something I have been working on in my head for a long time — it’s exactly right!!
#6 Posted by 
Mantic Angel on December 20th, 2007 7:39 pm | link
It’s odd. I grew up with a connection paradigm. I’m not sure where it came from, but the control paradigm has always been utterly alien to me, and I’ve always pushed HARD against it.
#7 Posted by 
Green on October 1st, 2008 1:57 pm | link
I want to write about this in an essay I’m working on, but I need to be able to cite sources. Is there any way I can get more information on this? Are there published sources?
#8 Posted by 
Pace on October 1st, 2008 2:34 pm | link
Green,
We haven’t written a book on the connection paradigm yet, but we got a lot of our inspiration and source material from The Paradigm Conspiracy: Why Our Social Systems Violate Human Potential — And How We Can Change Them
Another related book is The Story of B
#9 Posted by The Connection Paradigm: Cooperation over Competition | Pace and Kyeli on October 2nd, 2008 2:38 pm | link
[...] Babauta of Zen Habits posted about the connection paradigm, even though he didn’t use those words. He talks about cooperation over competition, which is [...]
#10 Posted by worldmegan » Blog Archive » People I Adore (part one) on October 25th, 2008 1:49 am | link
[...] they offer is simply amazing, and I highly recommend it. Pace and Kyeli are the originators of the Connection Paradigm theory, and they’re hell-bent on changing the world. They’re also the first colleagues [...]
#11 Posted by worldmegan » Blog Archive » People I Adore: Triiibes (part three) on October 27th, 2008 12:53 am | link
[...] people doing what people can do, which is connect with and raise up and help each other. We are doing it with plans and projects and ideas, but [...]
#12 Posted by We are all one. Not in the hereafter, but in this world, here and now. | Pace and Kyeli on November 17th, 2008 12:57 pm | link
[...] are. Instead I’m focusing on bringing about a paradigm shift, from a control paradigm to a connection paradigm. For instance, I’m teaching communication skills, to help people connect with each other (and [...]
#13 Posted by The Connection Paradigm: Cooperation over Competition | Freak Revolution on May 6th, 2009 3:18 pm | link
[...] Babauta of Zen Habits posted about the connection paradigm, even though he didn’t use those words. He talks about cooperation over competition, which is [...]
#14 Posted by We are all one. Not in the hereafter, but in this world, here and now. | Freak Revolution on May 21st, 2009 5:27 pm | link
[...] are. Instead I’m focusing on bringing about a paradigm shift, from a control paradigm to a connection paradigm. For instance, I’m teaching communication skills, to help people connect with each other (and [...]
#15 Posted by Politics is a waste of time | Freak Revolution on June 22nd, 2009 9:33 am | link
[...] and laws and people to enforce them? Because we’re living in a control paradigm instead of a connection paradigm. If we all lived in community and connection with one another and with ourselves, then we could come [...]
#16 Posted by 
Debra McHenry on June 25th, 2009 9:15 pm | link
William Powers, a physicist, developed the theory of Perceptual Control Theory using physics. It very much dispels the myth that we can control, manage or have power over anyone. Those who have worked with him to develop this theory into everyday practice which can be taught and used to improve people’s lives, as well as many other arenas, will tell you that to begin to incorporate these ideas into your everyday practice the first thing you must do is monitor your vocabulary for words that are associated with managing or controlling others behavior. There is too much to this theory to explain it here, but it seems relevant to this topic and could be utilized to further the ideas.
#1 Posted by
Megan M. on October 3rd, 2007 7:27 am | link
This is AWESOME. This is eighty different kinds of awesome!! I can’t wait to read more — I’ve had this sitting in my browser and percolating, and I added it to my general reading-list so I’m sure to encounter it again later. It’s very well-explained and clear! It’s fabulous!!
MORE!!!!