She stood at the bus stop til it was abundantly clear he wasn’t coming, her whole being filled with abandonment, fear, guilt. Her white dress, dark with mud at the hem, grew heavier with each tick of a clock she couldn’t hear with her ears – only with her heart.

100 golden balloons sparkled in the pale setting sunlight. She stared at them, willing them to tarnish with her dreams, but they remained bright, shining, mocking. 100 golden ribbons wrapped around her hand, holding her, rooting her to the spot.

Night falls, the stars come out. 100 golden balloons, 100 golden ribbons, abandoned at the bus stop, tied to the post. Lonely footprints, a trail of broken promises and ignored tears, wander off into the quiet dark.

Spoiler warning. Please don’t read this until you’ve played Braid. It is extremely excellent and worth playing. (: Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday a $900 bill arrived from the IRS. I had forgotten to report a miscellaneous source of income on my 2006 return; I don’t think I ever got a 1099-MISC, and I had forgotten about it. The amount I would have paid if I had remembered was $800. After interest and penalties, the total amounted to $900.

100 measly dollars. That’s all that happens if you accidentally screw up on your tax return. A slap on the wrist. That’s SO AWESOME! I used to be super afraid that if I screwed something up on my taxes, I’d go to jail or lose my life savings or something. But no, I just have to pay a dinky little fine. I’ll gladly pay $100 to learn a valuable and empowering lesson like this. (:

Lately, I’ve been depressed and overwhelmed, and not doing a whole heck of a lot. I can’t seem to muster the energy to do much more than play with my son, spend time with my wife, cry, whine, and mope. I’m even finding it difficult to edit our book or futz about in Triiibes, both of which I’m very excited about… in theory.

Yesterday, I got teary and frustrated about this situation, so Pace and I talked about it. She said I’ve been acting small – saying “I can’t” a lot, and getting easily discouraged and frustrated.

She’s exactly right.

I’ve embiggened myself physically; I’m getting up and exercising 20 minutes a day, 6 days a week and I’ve made radical changes to how and what I eat, and that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I’m physically weary a lot of the time, covered with minor but irritating aches and sorenesses. I’m dealing with hunger and random wacky cravings as my body detoxes and adjusts to the lack of crap we’re used to getting.

It seems as though I have a fixed amount of big available, and right now, mine’s going to my physical goals – I’m focusing on my physical state and am thusly unable to focus on anything else. But come on, people don’t quit their jobs to lose weight! How do other people do this on top of a normal life? How can I continue to achieve my very important goals without sacrificing the rest of everything?

I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure I can figure it out. By the gods, I have a lot to do and the clock’s a-ticking.

Here’s my opinion on the ethics of communication.

Ethical communication is different for every person. It depends on the boundaries, preferences, issues, triggers, and susceptibility of each person involved. In a one-on-one situation, you can use your best judgment of how your communication will affect that person, and be sure to avoid harm to the best of your knowledge and ability. You can talk about it explicitly.

When constructing a workshop, it’s similar. You may not be able to speak to each potential attendee individually, but what you can do is provide full disclosure of exactly what will and will not happen during the workshop. You can be open and honest about what methods of communication, learning, and interaction will be offered at the workshop. And then you can trust your attendees to exercise their best judgment and be big boys and girls. As long as we’re open and honest about how we communicate, teach, and interact, we can trust others to determine what is beneficial for them.

At the beginning of July, I launched into a new way of life.

At the end of June, Pace and I read a really awesome post on motivation. This got the two of us thinking and talking quite a bit, and Pace made a post about the fundamental equations of motivational alchemy and another one about the power of habits (and there’s a third one yet to come!).

I found that I am particularly drawn to soft self-discipline and hard self-discipline. I thought about what I want out of life, what I want to do to achieve those goals, and set some rules in place.

I’ve really adhered to the hard rules I set, even surpassing them. I’m really pleased and I feel like I’ve come a long way.

In July, I exercised at least five days a week (sometimes more). I missed four days in a row due to ankle weirdness, but made it every day on either side of the break – even though the break put me back in the dip. I started paying attention to what I eat, culminating in eating tiny meals every two to three hours and much healthier foods.

As a result, I’ve lost 10 pounds! More excitedly, I’ve lost 5½ inches in my waist, 1¾ inches in my upper arms, and 1 inch in my hips!!

I’ve never lost more than 5lbs. I’ve gone up and up and up, but never down. I cannot describe the joy I’m feeling!! (:

It has been hard. I’ve been sore nearly 24/7, tired a lot, and exhausted for the past couple of days. Yesterday I didn’t think I could finish my workout, but I did, and today was easier. My endurance is up, my self-esteem and confidence are up, and I’m feeling really good. I’m really happy and extremely proud of myself! Woo!

Megan M. writes an awesome and inspirational post about manifestation, pushing through the dip, and being a remarkable nonconformist. An excerpt:

Making decision after decision based on fearlessness, instead of familiarity and safety, can be draining. But I feel like this universe is buckling around us. I feel that if, instead of running away, I push harder… Maybe it will crumble. Maybe it will fall away and I will find myself smack in the middle of a new universe.

What can I raise from the ashes of the old one?

These are our opportunities to prove what kind of people we are, to know something about ourselves. Do we do the safe thing? The familiar thing? Or do we behave like a player character and be the hero in our own story?

So many people are content to be NPCs.