“It’s just not the right time.”

#1 Posted by Megan M. on September 25th, 2008 8:00 pm | link

I am totally cheering over here.

#2 Posted by Oliver Danni on September 25th, 2008 10:33 pm | link

It’s the right time to get married?!!
To whom??

You got me on the crush one, though. I’m sure it IS the right time to tell…someone. Maybe one day I’ll get up the balls to actually tell him.

I dunno about the baby, though. I’m pretty sure it really IS the wrong time for me to have one. I can’t even afford a puppy right now. :-P

#3 Posted by Pazi on September 25th, 2008 11:27 pm | link

Erm?

It must be very nice to have the only obstacle to one’s success be whether or not one can talk oneself into doing what one wants.

#4 Posted by Bre on September 26th, 2008 12:41 am | link

All other obstacles are imaginary, Pazi.

While there are certainly times when things are difficult (I can’t just quit my job, I need insurance to cover my chemo – I can’t just quit my job, I need the money to feed my child) it is intellectually dishonest to try to claim that those sorts of circumstances are the majority of the reason as to why we don’t do things.

#5 Posted by Oliver Danni on September 26th, 2008 6:57 am | link

Pazi makes an important point. I was mostly kidding in my comment, but I have to weigh in with agreement there. Sometimes it really ISN’T the right time, for a number of reasons. I may want to get married (thank god I don’t, but just as an example)…but if I don’t have another person to get married TO, it probably isn’t the right time for me to get married. If I want to have a baby, I’m totally shit outta luck…it’s physically impossible, so no matter how much I want the baby it’s NEVER going to be the right time.

I really like the belief behind this post. The challenge to go for what you want even when it “isn’t the right time” is one that resonates really strongly for me. One example is my surgery…it was DEFINITELY “not the right time” for me to call up and schedule the surgery when I did. I was homeless, broke, not speaking to my parents, had no material support coming from ANYWHERE, and wasn’t even sure I had a doctor to stay on top of my post-operative care or a place to stay while I recovered. And I said, fuck it, and scheduled the surgery…and as soon as I did that, all the things I needed began marching into place to line up for me. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, maybe it was. All I know is that it was the ONLY TIME, because I had reached the point where I was going to kill myself or go insane if I didn’t do it.

So, re-reading this post and thinking it over some more, I think that these ideas make sense in times when it really is the case that “waiting for the right time” is going to cause more problems then it solves. But sometimes, I believe, waiting is a better choice. Waiting to play my guitar until my arms were recovered enough to do so without seriously injuring myself was probably a better choice. Waiting to buy coconut soy ice cream until I know have enough money in my bank account to pay my rent is (usually) a better choice. Waiting to pee until I pull over at a rest stop is virtually guaranteed to be a better choice no matter which way you slice it, no matter how much I really really really want to pee. If I had scabies, waiting until that cleared up to have sex with another person would probably be in the best interest of everyone (except perhaps the scabies).

#6 Posted by Bre on September 26th, 2008 2:28 pm | link

Again, I think this is a bit intellectually dishonest. It is ridiculous to assume that when kyeli says “get married right now!” she means to an imaginary person.

The point of this post is that we need to stop placing imaginary roadblocks in front of ourselves.

If you want to play the guitar, the point here isn’t “Start playing it now!” the point is to do what you need to do to reach that goal. If what you need to do is heal–then do it. Don’t sit around moping that you’re injured, and you may never play again. Do what it takes to reach your goals–today.

If you want to buy coconut soy ice cream, and don’t have the money, figure out why you don’t have the money, and solve that problem.

If you need to pee, pull over to the next rest stop. If you have scabies, go to the doctor.

This post is about how we don’t even try to reach our goals. We wait because of fear, not practicality, so we miss the practical opportunities we’re presented.

#7 Posted by Oliver Danni on September 27th, 2008 7:48 pm | link

Bre, I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you use the term “intellectually dishonest”.

Philosophically and practically, I mostly agree with your point, though.

But, let’s take the coconut soy ice cream example, because I just did this yesterday. I was at the store buying food, and I know my funds are very limited right now. I did have enough cash in my pocket to buy both the coconut and the chocolate peanut butter soy ice cream. I did really want them both. But after thinking it over, I decided that it wasn’t the right time to buy both of them, because I’m only going to eat one of them at a time, and if I need those extra few dollars later this week I’d rather have them for something else. If I finish the chocolate peanut butter, and I still want the coconut then, I’m sure I’ll still have an extra few dollars I can buy it with. The issue really wasn’t that I didn’t have the money. I did have the money, right there in my pocket. But I did decide it wasn’t the right time, and the point I am trying to make is that it was a valid choice for me to make that decision.

When I couldn’t play the guitar, I really, really couldn’t play the guitar. There was no magic button I could press to be able to heal, or even to know for sure that I would ever play again. It would have been emotionally dishonest for me to pretend that I was sure when I wasn’t, and often, that definitely did mean sitting around and moping about it. Sometimes there are goals that one can simply make no further progress on at a given moment. I have had many of those moments in the last few years, while my physical abilities have been limited. I hope and pray that I will have full use of my body someday, and I’m on a good path to being able to do that, there are specific steps that I know to take to get my body where I want it to be. But, say I chose to exercise all the time…I would injure myself, perhaps even more seriously, and that would put me further from my goal.

In the case of a financial obstacle, I often find that sometimes the best thing to do “right now” is to release my desire for the thing that I want, allowing the universe to take care of it for awhile, and focus on being content with what I have.

I think the point of this post is that one should go for one’s goals even when it seems impossible. I’m totally there with that. I totally agree. All the best things I’ve accomplished in my life are things that were impossible when I set out to do them. But sometimes I have found that waiting for it to be the right time is a crucial part of not only achieving my goals, but being satisfied with the outcome. Conversely, when I have chosen not to wait for the right time, and plowed forward when I knew it was a bad idea (not just an impossible idea, but actually a BAD idea…like trying to play the guitar when I knew I couldn’t do it, causing me to be even more miserable about not being able to play and not being able to even MOVE one of my hands for several days afterward…), I’m rarely satisfied with the outcome.

So, like I said, I’m not saying that Kyeli is wrong. I am saying that both worldviews have been essential, for me, in reaching my goals. And I think Pazi is also emphasizing that accepting real-world limitations is important for those of us who do experience those as real barriers.