The usual error: “Does that make sense?”

#1 Posted by Hayden Tompkins on November 7th, 2008 12:31 pm | link

It’s amazing how one word could have changed that whole dialogue.

If you had added a ‘but’ between “Yes, totally” and “My opinion is that I’d prefer to treat her edits just like the others, even though they’re late” I think she would have understood what you meant.

#2 Posted by Kyeli on November 7th, 2008 12:41 pm | link

@Hayden – I’m not sure that would’ve helped the confusion, actually. I had Pace say the sentence in question out loud with the added “but” (refrains from teenager-like giggles), and it didn’t change my feelings of “but you agreed with me!”

I may be a freak on this one. (;

#3 Posted by JoVE on November 7th, 2008 1:04 pm | link

Nope you are not a freak. I would have understood the same thing. I think the confusion is in the interpretation of the question “Does that make sense?” I assume (as Kyeli presumably did) that this is equivalent to “Do you agree with me?” But I guess Pace thought it meant “Is my thinking logical?” in some abstract sense. For me, there is no good reason to ask an abstract question in that circumstance so I read the question as asking a non-abstract question. But I guess that also depends on the idea that if your logic is sound, no sensible person should disagree, which might very well be “the usual error”.

#4 Posted by Pace on November 7th, 2008 1:41 pm | link

I interpreted “Does that make sense?” as Kyeli asking me whether I understood her point of view (understanding being different from agreeing). If she had said, “If she gets them to us by Friday, I’d like to look over them, but otherwise I’d like to hunt her down and poke her in the shinbone. Does that make sense?” I would have replied, “No, that makes no sense whatsoever.”

#5 Posted by EnderVR on November 7th, 2008 1:57 pm | link

“How would you have interpreted my response of ‘Yes, totally’?” As you thinking what I’d said made sense, since that was the question asked. Though I agree a “but,” would have been well placed.

At the same time, If Kyeli would interpret a “yes” to the question “Does that make sense?” as an agreement to what she’d said, perhaps she should instead ask “Do you agree?”. Thus asking the actual question that she want’s an answer to. Cutting any confusion in interpretation right out.

#6 Posted by EnderVR on November 7th, 2008 2:01 pm | link

Didn’t mean to click Submit…

I think this is a common problem in communication. People ask questions with the wrong words, and others answer with the correct reply. Leading to confusion. It works the other way as well.

It’s a good thing words are free and we can keep talking and clear up the confusion if we notice it. And hopefully laugh about it when we don’t.

#7 Posted by Pace on November 7th, 2008 2:12 pm | link

Indeed! We recommend reflection (rephrasing what you heard the other person say, but in your own words) to help with this sort of miscommunication. The trick then becomes knowing when reflection is needed!

#8 Posted by Emerald on November 7th, 2008 4:28 pm | link

I tried to imagine myself in both positions of the conversation. If I’d been in K’s position, I think I might’ve realized after P’s “yes totally” that I wasn’t sure what just happened and asked a clarifying qustion, like, “So are you agreeing with me?”

I think if I’d been in P’s position though, I would not have been likely to say “yes totally” because I would’ve felt too much like I was agreeing with K. I would’ve likely said something like, “Well I understand your position, but I don’t feel the same way.”

Interesting to ponder.

#9 Posted by Eric Hamm on November 7th, 2008 7:26 pm | link

I know it’s already been addressed, but if you had added the ‘but’ it would have made all the difference for me. I’m a literal minded thinker so I understood your line of thought once you explained it, but without the ‘but’, the sentence was confusing it’s own.

I also think that if you had said something like, “Yes, I agree, but…” it would have been more clear than using ‘totally’. ‘Totally’ comes across as a way of saying, “We’re on the same page, completely!” Whereas ‘I agree’ seems to just address the one specific question. That’s my thought on the issue. Eric.

#10 Posted by Mantic-Angel on November 7th, 2008 7:26 pm | link

I would have initially read “Yes, totally” as being agreement. However, as soon as Pace clarified with her thoughts, I would have gone “oh, she just thought it made sense.” I do also read Pace’s reply out as being “I’m willing to do what you want, but here’s how I feel”

I personally would have, in Pace’s position, replied “that makes sense” rather than “totally” – I’ve learned to identify questions like that as being confusing, so I try to give unambiguous answers that make it clear what question I’m REALLY answering.

#11 Posted by Justin on November 7th, 2008 8:01 pm | link

I would have initially assumed agreement, but then I’d have understood what you meant when you continued. In context, the question “does that make sense?” commonly means “so we’ll do it this way, right?” which would mean “yes, totally” would be an agreement to move on that path. The actual words, though, don’t mean anything about agreement on an agenda. They are a question about clarity of communication.

Isn’t it interesting how, after knowing someone a long, long time, we can still mix up connotation and denotation in a given context?

Was that a really nerdy sounding response? I don’t know.

Words are fun.

#12 Posted by Pace on November 7th, 2008 8:42 pm | link

@Justin: I’m a real nerd, so I might not be the best judge. (;

Re “isn’t it interesting”, most definitely! We found it interesting enough to write a whole chapter on. (:

#13 Posted by DaughterOfMischief on November 8th, 2008 12:04 pm | link

I think that “yes, totally” to me implies that the person is agreeing 100%, with no reservations. Now, if Pace had answered “I see where you are coming from” then I don’t think that Kyeli would have misunderstood, because that’s not saying “I agree with you 100%” in a way that “yes, totally” would.

I guess it boils down to how you parse “sense”: if you parse sense as “is this a well-formed formula” then both if Kyeli had asked “does it make sense not to treat the edits” and “does it make sense to hunt the editor down and visit harm upon him/her” would have made sense. Both of those sentences are well constructed English sentences (with clear truth-conditions, may I add).

If you parse “sense” as a more substantive word, i.e. “is my point of view legitimate” then an answer of “yes, totally” DOES imply agreement. The “totally” modifies the “yes” to mean wholly and without reservation.

The “I see where you are coming from” construction is a good one, because it says yes, your point of view does make “sense” (broadly speaking and narrowly speaking) but it as a construction also is neutral about whether or not agreement is occurring.

*plink plink*

#14 Posted by Pace on November 8th, 2008 5:43 pm | link

Right. When you don’t know exactly how the other person will interpret “sense” and “totally,” it’s good to add some clarity up front. “Yes, totally” is agreement (with something), but “I see where you’re coming from” is agreement plus reflection, restating in your own words what exactly you’re agreeing with.

#15 Posted by The Doctor [412/724/301/703] on November 9th, 2008 1:13 am | link

How would you have interpreted my response of “Yes, totally”?

The same way I’d interpret an ACK when reassembling a TCP/IP connection: “Yes, I heard you.” That implies in no way “I agree with your point of view,” only “I heard you.”