After tallying the votes and listening to your feedback, we brainstormed some new subtitles that took everyone’s input into account. One of the new ones resonated with us really strongly, so that’s the one we chose.

Just another month or so until it’s published!

My maternal grandfather is very ill and will pass away soon.

I haven’t seen my family in close to a decade.

I used to be close to my family – very close. My mom, her sister, and their mother were my best friends even through high school. My dad’s sister was my biggest fan and secret role model for decades. My cousins and I ran in a pack like wild animals. I cherished family reunions and looked forward to the chaos of the holidays with a childlike glee well into my early 20’s.

Eventually, my roving gypsy nature gripped me and I left Texas. I moved from place to place for nearly five years. As I traveled the great north, I grew and changed in ways that separated me from my conservative relatives, and I became neurotic about going “home”. When I finally did return to Texas, I settled in Austin and haven’t seen anyone but my parents and brother. I was distant through life and travel and youth.

Now, though, I remain distant through fear. I’m vastly different from my family – they’re all Christian republican conservatives, and I’m a bleeding heart liberal lesbian freaky witch who unschools her kid – the black sheep of the family, for sure. And I actually have had experience with persecution by a few family members, so there are emotional reasons behind the fear.

However, I’m proud of who I am. I’ve struggled long and hard to get where I am, and I’m in a damn good place.

So tomorrow, I’m going back. I’m taking my wild unschooled kid, my beautiful witchy wife, and my crazy, tattooed, pierced self, and putting in an appearance at the hospital. It’s important to me to see my family before my grandfather goes – I want to be there for my mom and grandmother. What’s more, I’m going to see the rest of my estranged family at Christmastime.

It’s time. I’ve spent too long hiding away in my safe bubble in the Austin Weirdo community fearing my family’s reactions to me and my life. I want to see my relatives, the people who share my blood and my childhood, before death is in the air. A crisis is an extremely difficult time to reconnect, and I regret leaving it so long.

Who have you been avoiding out of fear? Whose love do you miss? Which connections do you regret letting lapse? Find them. Seek them out. Reconnect and remind each other of the love and memories you share – today. Soon. Before death brings you together and the air is full of sorrow and grief instead of joy and laughter.

It’s scary, it’s hard — but it’s worth it.

Mo Pie over at Big Fat Deal (an awesome blog about issues faced by women in general and overweight women in specific) wrote an awesome post on Friday, ending with the question “Can you be overweight, yet truly happy?”

I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life. I got heavy as a kid and only went up from there. I’ve been teased, hurt, persecuted, tormented, and excluded based on my size – and more than a little of the abuse was from my own self. I spent most of my life feeling like a victim, trapped in my overweight and horribly out-of-shape body, not liking myself and hating my body.

But, as I said to Mo Pie, then I started paying attention. I started listening to myself. I started hearing those hateful thoughts that would go through my mind at random times, the insecurity that would float by whenever someone stared at me for any length of time. I knew that I would never say such things to someone I loved, so why was it okay to say them to myself?

I’m finding now, in this new and tender place of self-love and self-respect, that my numbers don’t matter. My weight, my size, my measurements – they don’t define me. They are but a small drop in the lake that fills and creates who I am. What matters is how I feel. If I feel ill or unhappy all the time, something needs to change. If I feel healthy and happy, that’s great – no matter my size.

And I find that, as long as I’m listening, paying attention, and taking good care of myself, I am truly happy.

Here’s your chance, darling readers, to give a little input. We’ve got a slew of potential subtitles for our soon-to-be-released book, and we’d love your help in choosing a subtitle.

Here are your choices:

1. The Usual Error: How to Solve Common Communication Problems

2. The Usual Error: Helpful Solutions to Common Communication Problems
3. The Usual Error: Helpful, Sticky Solutions to Common Communication Problems
4. The Usual Error: 34 Communication Tips That Will Improve Your Life
5. The Usual Error and 33 Other Common Communication Problems — and How to Solve Them
6. The Usual Error and Other Obstacles to Authentic Communication — and How to Overcome Them
7. The Usual Error: Chock Full of Communication Goodness!
8. The Usual Error: How to Achieve Authentic Communication
9. The Usual Error: 34 Solutions to Common Communication Problems
10. The Usual Error: 34 Ways to Achieve Authentic Communication
11. The Usual Error: 34 Ways to Improve Communication
12. The Usual Error: 34 Ways to Improve Communication and Relationships
13. The Usual Error and 33 Other Easily Solvable Communication Problems

Imagine you don’t know what the book is about (you might not have to imagine very hard). Which of these would tempt you to pull it off the shelf or click through on Amazon?

We will, of course, let you know which one we pick. Additional suggestions and comments are, as always, welcome.

Your vote will be considered in the final decision. No guarantees are made. No compensation given for opinions. All suggestions and opinions become permanent property of previous owner. This is only a test. No kittens were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Last week, Kyeli and I were finishing up the fourth draft of the book. We were discussing what to do about one of our editors who was running late getting her comments to us, and we had an interesting miscommunication.

Kyeli said, “If she gets them to us by Friday, I’d like to look over them, but I don’t want to go through them with the expectation that we’ll merge most of the changes in like we’ve been doing with the other editors. Does that make sense?”

I replied, “Yes, totally,” and nodded.

I then went on to say, “My opinion is that I’d prefer to treat her edits just like the others, even though they’re late.”

Kyeli was confused, because she thought that I had agreed, then promptly turned around to disagree. From my perspective, I had agreed that Kyeli’s point of view made sense, not that I thought it was the best way to handle things.

We each made the usual error.

Perhaps this is a difference in communication styles between literal-minded people (like me) and figurative-minded people (like Kyeli)?

How would you have interpreted my response of “Yes, totally”?

I had an epiphany yesterday: Hurry is why I worry.

I know I’m making the usual error to some extent; I know that people worry about lots of other things. But for me, hurry is the #1 cause of worry in my life. I worry that I’m not getting enough done each day, I worry that opportunities are passing me by, and when I try to relax I worry that I’m wasting time. I live my life in a general state of feeling uncomfortably rushed.

Hurry wasn’t always my #1 cause of worry. I used to worry about whether I would accomplish my goals. But now that I know myself well enough, now that I know my passions and I know enough about motivation, it’s no longer a question of whether I will accomplish my goals. It’s only a matter of time.

I worry about how the business side of the Usual Error Project is going. Not whether we’ll reach our income goals, because I know we will, but whether we’ll reach them in time. There’s a ticking clock reminding me that if we’re not making enough to pay our bills by the end of 2009, I’ll need to go back to my day job or find another part-time job — to stop working on the Usual Error Project 100%. That ticking clock has been filling me with so much fear that it’s hard for me to concentrate on the positive. I forget how good it feels to help people and improve their lives. I forget how good it feels to receive a comment or an email saying, “Thank you. This post really helped me.”

I was rooted in fear instead of love.

If what it takes is to work part-time at a money-making job and work on the Usual Error Project in the meantime, that’s what I’ll do. If what it takes is to work full-time at a money-making job and eke out little slices of time on evenings and weekends to work on the Usual Error Project, that’s what I’ll do. If what it takes is to cut our budget to make ends meet, that’s what we’ll do. When success is inevitable, your only remaining enemy is time.

The mantra I used to repeat to myself was:

I would rather fail happily than succeed and be miserable.

This reminded me to enjoy the journey, that life is like music. Life isn’t about the destination. I’m living this life because I want to do what I love, and being stressed out all the time is most definitely not what I love. But now that I’m in a mindset where it’s no longer about success vs. failure but instead about the time frame of success, here’s my new mantra to repeat to myself whenever the hurry-demons nip at my heels:

I would rather succeed after a happy decade than succeed after a miserable year.

If we wanted to work ourselves to the bone to solve our financial problems once and for all, we would have implemented the Four Hour Work Week strategy instead of making a career out of the Usual Error Project. But we’re not doing that, because that’s not our primary goal.

Haste makes paste. And by paste, I mean gallons of the icky, sticky kind of paste that gets under your fingernails, bogs you down, and sticks to the soles of your shoes like chewing gum.

This applies to everyday things as well as big life choices.

Slow down.

Slow down when you drive. It’ll only cost you a couple of minutes and will make the quality of your drive (and your life!) better.

Slow down when spending time with friends or loved ones. Spend some time connecting and just being rather than filling every minute with an activity.

Slow down your daily schedule. Pad it so you never need to hurry.

Slow down while working. Don’t let those deadlines get to you. Slowing down will help you do a better job as well as helping you enjoy yourself more.

Slow down while waiting in line.

Slow down when you make love.

Slow down when you get immersed.

Slow down when you walk. Look around you and enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells.

Imagine a day like this. Imagine a day similar to a normal day in your life, but slower. You still do all the things you’d normally do, but you don’t hurry. You go about your day at a relaxed pace, smiling and savoring every minute of it. You’re not rushing to get to the end of the day or the week (what, so you can hurry again tomorrow or next week?), you’re enjoying the journey.

If that feels good to you, make it happen. Slow down. If you’re afraid that things will slip and bad things will come to pass if you stop hurrying, try one of my mantras on for size if either one feels true for you. “I would rather fail happily than succeed and be miserable.” “I would rather succeed after a happy decade than succeed after a miserable year.”

No hurry, no worry!

For me, I let go of my hurry (and my worry) by going with the flow of the universe instead of fighting against it. I don’t mean “going with the flow” as in “don’t rock the boat” or “sit on your ass,” I mean being aligned with my purpose and following my calling. When I’m aligned with the universe, things will happen when they need to happen. I’ll do my best to swim along with the flow, but I won’t fight against it. I think this is similar to what others call “Letting go and letting God.”

You’ll probably read another blog post after you read this one. Try reading it slowly. Read it word for word, calmly, savoring and enjoying each word, even if you don’t agree with it. Try it and see if it puts you in a more relaxed mindset. See if it helps you slow down.

I hope you have a lovely, joyous, slow day.

Now that the election is over and our lives begin anew, we want to remind everyone that our six-week course, Communication for the Holidays, starts tomorrow night.

Registration ends tonight at 10pm EST, so if you want in, now is the time! We’ve got a good crowd and it’s going to be an awesome course. We’re excitedly looking forward to it!

Last month, Pace and I completely forgot our #2 goal: enjoy the journey.

We spent October working hardcore on our Usual Error book. We worked long hours under stressful conditions. We neglected our health – we haven’t been eating or sleeping well and I’ve been slacking on exercise. We neglected our environment – we haven’t cleaned up the house in weeks. We neglected our relationship – we took very little time to nourish our connection. We neglected our cats, and this morning I realized I even neglected my little bamboo plant (I watered her today; she’ll make a full recovery). We didn’t neglect our son – he was in Dallas with my mom and brother for that very purpose.

We got so wrapped up in working that we forgot we don’t even want to work – we want to live. The Usual Error Project isn’t our career. It’s our life. And we want that life to be a good, happy, healthy one.

About a week ago, Pace and I were arguing while putting up our laundry (we’d neglected that, too, but finally ran out of clean undies). We’d spent most of the month arguing and snipping at each other; we were so stressed, we weren’t getting along well, so this wasn’t a rare occurrence. My feelings had been hurt. I had clammed up and was letting Pace rant and rail. After a while, she said, “And we’re not even helping people! Only five people are ever interested in anything we say!”

She took a moment to breathe, and I took the opportunity to speak. Quietly, I said, “Pace, if we only ever help those five people, we’ve helped five people. We’ve affected them, changed them, touched them, and made life better for them.”

She stopped, dropped the shirt she was hanging up, pulled me into her arms, and burst into tears. I followed suit; we stood there holding each other and crying for some time.

The world is harsh sometimes. Life is hard. We let our hopes and dreams pass us by in favor of stress and fear. Giving up the journey for the destination ruins the purpose of life; life isn’t about dying, it’s about living. For us, life is about helping people and enjoying the journey – and that’s what we’re going to do. We’re choosing the path with heart.