Comments on: Finding the root of a relationship cycle I’ve been in since I was fifteen

By: Heather the Great

Heather the Great — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:50:53 +0000

I love reading your blogs, Pace! Something about the way you write makes me happy. Thanks for sharing! Especially the bit about dislodging cholesterol from your artery of love.

By: Pace

Pace — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:30:45 +0000

@scwizard: What?

By: scwizard

scwizard — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 05:11:41 +0000

Sadly the source is too personal for you to tell us about it. Stop being such a tease .-.

By: Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome

Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 08:17:24 +0000

I was going to talk about what Rachael said, so instead I’ll just post a link about the “love hormones”…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4669104.stm

By: Oliver Danni

Oliver Danni — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:56:21 +0000

You think that metaphor is bad? One time in an energywork class, my instructor was channeling an explanation for how energywork “works”, and all of a sudden he blurts out “…and love is like a yeast infection!” [room goes silent] “You know? Because it SPREADS!”

We still laugh about it, a year later!

This is a great post, thank you. :)

By: Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:16:58 +0000

There is likely another factor. As best as can be determined, people are built to lose interest in a partner after a couple of years if they do not have any children with them. In evolutionary terms, this makes a lot of sense. In evolutionary terms you assume your partner is heterosexual and there is no birth control being used. If you don’t have kids after a couple of years then it is likely that either one of you is infertile or the two of you together combine such that you are unlikely to have viable offspring (say two harmful recessives). You each have better odds of having a child if you break up. So, emotions start to cool.

The obvious problem is that in many cases this is completely inapplicable to our life. Both partners may be of the same sex. You may be using birth control. You may have no desire to have children. But there is still a cooling off that happens. However, you can definitely work through it. A relationship is not doomed just because the people do not have kids. But it will usually take some work.

That’s not to say that your parents didn’t affect you. Just that it may have been even stronger because there were multiple factors contributing to the same effect.. Oh, and obviously this doesn’t apply when you are raising a child together or do have a child. But you weren’t doing so in every relationship you were in.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:42:21 +0000

Wow! I went through something VERY similar to this recently… seeing how a specific pattern was shaped by my parents. It’s sooo important to notice these things, so that you/we can *learn* but I think so often it’s scary because it does feel like you’re *blaming* and when you love your parents and stuff, sometimes it’s easier to just not go there.

What a great insight! Thanks for sharing your process :)