Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 11: Ask for what you need
by Pace and Kyeli on March 25th, 2009 @ 12:27 pm in
Usual Error Project
Tags: the usual error audiobook, the usual error ebook
Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:
Chapter 11: Ask for what you need
“If you really loved me, you would just know!”
This sentiment reflects one of the most harmful myths of communication. This myth prevents useful communication from taking place and leads to expectations that no one could possibly meet. The broken expectations that follow cause hurt and pain. If we pull back the curtain of this myth to look behind it, we will see the truth: no one can read your mind.
When we grow close to someone, we sometimes feel like we merge together into one person. We’ve seen many of our friends treat couples as if they were one person with the same wants and needs. It happens on the inside of a relationship, too. We sometimes feel that the level of closeness we have achieved will somehow let us merge our minds together. If that were possible, we’d have written a book on mind-merging instead of a book on communication! The only way to make your wants and needs known is to communicate clearly and openly: to ask for what you need.
…and here’s the rest:
- Related posts:
- Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 22: Giving permission to disappoint
- Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 25: The lollipop
- Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 29: “That makes me really happy!”
- Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 23: The only way out is through
- Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 19: Meta-communication
 Have you read our book, The Usual Error? It teaches you how to solve communication issues with compassion and understanding, how to get rid of needless conflict from your life, how to make your relationships smoother, and how to generally be happier. Also, the illustrations are super cool. (:You can buy it on Amazon or read it for free online. |
3 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Pace on March 27th, 2009 3:53 pm | link
Indeed! Also the “love at first sight” thing. That’s often a deal-breaker for me when it comes to romantic comedies. I try to suspend disbelief, but part of me keeps screaming, “You’re marrying her today? But you just MET her!”
#3 Posted by 
Julia on March 27th, 2009 8:42 pm | link
“Love at first sight” has never worked for me as far as I can remember. “Hang out and chat for a couple of hours and decide that this is a person I’d love to get to know better” seems to have been my MO in general.
Now, “love at first sight” worked for someone who decided as soon as he set eyes on me that he’d like to at least dance with me, but he’s the only one who ever told me that was the case. (And that was a summer romance when I was in high school, and he had to work to get enough of my attention to actually create romance.)
#1 Posted by
Julia on March 26th, 2009 10:09 am | link
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm talks about how bad romantic comedies are in inducing the “If you really loved me, you would *know* what I want without my having to tell you!”
This is a good thing to consciously learn, and keep in mind.