There’s this thing I’ve never talked about before. I’ve kept it buried deep inside, locked in a tiny box inside a bigger box thrown into the well of my mind.

Deep dark secret stuff.

When I was 12, my parents got divorced.

I was Daddy’s Little Girl. Golden star child, love of his life, sparkle in his eye, spring in his step… and suddenly, he was gone. My mom was cast as the villain by him and, therefore, by me.

I needed to love her, but I hated her.

I knew I was everything she didn’t want in a daughter. I was fat, obnoxious, loud, dark-haired. I was just like my father.

And she left my dad. She stopped loving him. So how could she possibly love me?

But, as much as I hated her, I needed her to love me. I needed to know she loved me. I needed to feel it, to see it, to hear it, all the time. I was super needy and clingy and terrified and lonely, but she needed to get out and away. She’d spent a long time in a marriage she didn’t want to be in, and when she finally got free, she went a little crazy. She started going out a lot, leaving me home to care for my little brother (whom I also hated for various reasons).

A few months later, I fell and broke my wrist. It was a hairline fracture, and took weeks to be discovered by the doctors. During the entire process, my mom was tender and attentive and gentle and loving – she suddenly transformed into exactly what I needed her to be.

But when my wrist healed, she went back to the way she’d been before.

And I learned a dreadful lesson.

One night, after she and my brother were in bed, I crept out into the garage and got the hammer.

I went back into my room and hid under my desk.

I quietly laid my chair on its side.

And I thought about my plan.

I planned to smash my ankle with the hammer, then hide it in my desk. Then I would tell my mom that I’d fallen off the chair when I’d tried to reach something high on the shelves.

So, there I am: a terrified kid, smooshed under my desk, chair on its side in front of me, wishing I’d get caught with no real hope of it happening. Appropriately, a storm rolled in and thunder started booming. I gripped the hammer tightly in my hand and started crying, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I raised the hammer, took a deep breath, and pelted my ankle with it.

It hurt.

I stopped.

It didn’t break my ankle. Barely bruised me, in fact. My arm refused to use enough strength to do more than that.

And I know, because I tried. Over and over again, that night, hidden under my desk.

I learned another lesson.

I gave up, eventually, and crawled out from under my desk. Set my chair upright, snuck out and replaced the hammer. Went to bed and sobbed myself to sleep.

And became the klutziest kid I’ve ever known.

Since that night, I’ve broken both wrists, torn all the ligaments and tendons in my left knee, dislocated both shoulders, sprained and strained and damaged most of my joints, broken fingers and toes and other small bones. My brain/body/heart learned that, while I couldn’t overtly intentionally cause damage to myself, damage got me the attention I so desperately needed from the one person I needed it from the most – and so began to subconsciously generate accidents.

When I moved out of my mother’s house, I moved into my partner’s. She had a similar attitude towards injuries, so the pattern didn’t die off.

There have even been times when I’ve eyed a hammer or a convenient ladder or other terrifying tools, times when I’ve been especially lonely or desperate for attention, when my soul has been weeping and knotted up and lost.

But then things changed.

Eventually, I met myself. I started paying attention to myself. I started listening to those urges, honoring those impulses by acknowledging them without carrying them through instead of burying them and pretending they didn’t exist – or worse, hating myself for having them.

And, slowly, the injuries stopped.

But then, things stayed the same.

Then there was the car accident.

Two years ago, I was going to a Starbucks when a car ran through a yellow arrow, making a left-hand turn into me.

My wrist and shoulder were seriously damaged. And I was plunged into a world of injury, pain, fear, and triggers.

My recovery was slow. Some of the damage done to my arm was permanent.

My emotional recovery was even slower. It was eight months before I could drive again, over a year before I went to that Starbucks again, and I still flinch every time I go through that intersection in the same direction.

I did recover, mostly. But the injuries returned. Not long after my wrist surgery, I fucked up my ankle. I still don’t know what was wrong with it, but it was so intensely painful I couldn’t sleep. I wound up in a wheelchair for a month because my wrist wasn’t recovered enough to support me on crutches.

Slowly, my ankle recovered. My wrist got stronger. My shoulder got stronger. I stopped wishing I could just take my heavy narcotic painkillers and sleep all the time, and started looking forward to my life again.

My heart started recovering.

My spirit started recovering.

Some lessons are hard-learned.

And then, last week, I turned my foot upside down when I slid on some water on the kitchen floor. There’s some pretty bad damage there; it’s swollen and sore and can’t support my weight for too long. It’s all still so swollen, well up into my ankle, that it’s hard to say what exactly is injured, but I suspect a fracture.

And all these issues flooded back.

Yesterday morning, I was exercising in spite of the pain in my foot. I promised myself I would exercise every day in July, and I refuse to break that promise.

About 20 minutes in, I broke down. I started weeping, sobbing. I stopped exercising and sat on the pedals of my elliptical and wept for a good ten minutes, then drug myself out to the porch swing and sobbed for another twenty.

I kept thinking about that little girl, hiding under her desk, so desperate for attention that she was trying to smash her own ankle with a hammer.

I looked at my ankles, now all grown up.

I’ve spent my life trying to please everyone around me.

I’ve tried to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect daughter.

I’ve tried to be the best, most loyal friend, even when the friendships were toxic for me.

I’ve smooshed myself into boxes – under desks – of all sorts for people of all sorts.

And I’ve waited for someone to love me.

Waited for someone to see me, to know me, to really get me. Waited for someone to pay attention to me in the way I really need attention paid.

A couple of days ago, I wrote myself love notes and taped them up all over the house. They range from “Good morning, beautiful!” to “I love you just as you are, right now in this moment, every moment.”

This morning, I looked at my ankles.

I remembered being so small, so scared, and so alone. Hiding under my desk, so desperate to be found.

Kyeli, I’m here.

I’m the one who loves you.

I’m the one who sees you.

I’m the one who will save you.

I’m the one who will find you when you’re lost.

I’m the one you’ve been waiting for.

Sweet little Kyeli, you’re not alone. You don’t have to hide under the desk anymore, because I’m right here. And it’s okay to get hurt. Injuries happen. It doesn’t mean you’re sick or stupid or even careless. And I will love you when you’re hurt, and I will love you when you’re healthy. I will love you when you’re fat, and I will love you when you’re not.

I see myself in all my parts, and I know myself in all my parts, and I love myself in all my parts. All my broken, healing, terrified, happy, singing, warbling, screaming parts.

Forever and ever.

The end.

or, I guess, the beginning.

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 29: “That makes me really happy!”

Have you ever noticed how much we focus on the negative? Think about it: when someone asks you how your day went, it may be hard to remember all the good things that happened to you. They fade into the background. On the other hand, any rough or stressful thing that happened that day will linger at the forefront of your mind, coloring your perception of the day.

Readers of blogs or online journals will know what we’re talking about when we say that people are far more likely to write about the bad things in their life than the good. People often describe their journals as unintentionally displaying a one-sided, negative view of themselves.

Negative things vibrantly stand out in our minds and memories. There is a sound evolutionary reason for this: the person who clearly remembers their experience with the poisonous berries or the unpleasant events that occurred when wandering too close to a tiger’s lair is more likely to avoid them in the future, thus increasing their chances of survival. As such, we have evolved with a part of the brain that is sensitive to negative emotions, called the amygdala.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 29: “That makes me really happy!” (web page)

Triiibes turns one today! (Triiibes is Seth Godin‘s social networking site.) I’ve met oodles of amazing people through Triiibes during the past year. It’s got the highest ratio of awesome to non-awesome people I’ve ever seen on a forum, except of course for the Freak Revolution Coffee House. Here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned from Triiibes during the past year.

Famous and successful people are just people.

We often have a kind of hero worship toward famous and successful people. We think they’re not like us. But they are. Sure, a lot of them are busy and can be hard to get a hold of, but that doesn’t mean they’re fundamentally different from you.

One year ago, I was a fangirl of Seth Godin.

Today, I’m a peer of Seth Godin.

Same with Daniel Quinn. Same with oodles of our blog and business friends who are publishing books and going to TED and doing amazing things.

How do you get on the same level as famous people?

Make friends with them.

Don’t assume that famous and successful people are unapproachable. Try to approach them. Don’t ask them for anything, just be nice, be helpful, and be yourself. Many of them will be too busy or will not be interested in getting to know you, but it’s not about you. Keep trying. You’ll find someone you connect with. You’ll make a new friend.

Thank you, Seth! Thank you, Triiibespeople! Thank you, all of my once-idols and now-friends.

Friends are much warmer and more fun to hug. (:

If the reason you aren’t doing something – anything – is “because it isn’t done”, that’s bullshit.

Do it!

Be wild. Be silly. Be loud. Wear clothes that make you happy – even if they don’t match. Even if they look ridiculous! Big hats, mismatched shoes, polka dots with stripes. Go out for ice cream in the middle of the night! Walk slowly – saunter, even. Laugh a lot. Be inappropriate. Fart! Walk backwards, dance in the aisles, sing along with the music at dinner.

Be yourself, whatever that entails for you.

It’s okay; I give you permission. If anyone doesn’t like it, send them to me.

What do you like?

So much of our lives are spent being lived for someone else. We think of our kids or our parents, our friends or our co-workers, our bosses, and we mold ourselves into their molds based on their needs or desires.

But what about ourselves?

I spent my childhood being “too much”: I was too loud, too sensitive, too silly, too unrealistic. Eventually, being told “too much” too much, I toned down. I stopped being too silly, locked up bits of my heart so I wouldn’t be too sensitive, crushed some of my dreams so I wouldn’t be too unrealistic, and muted myself so I wouldn’t be too loud.

Fuck that.

I am silly! I am loud! I laugh from my belly, even when we’re in fancy restaurants – even when it makes people look at me.

I wear socks that don’t match. My favorite pair of socks, in fact, is one pink with spirals and one purple with stripes – I don’t even have two matches of either of them. I wear colors that don’t always go perfectly together.

I realized about four years ago that the only person I really have to please is me.

The real too much is actually too little.

When we’re told we’re “too much” of anything, it pokes a little hole in our soul. It spawns a little “not good enough” demon to perch in our minds, way back at the back of our brains, to whisper lies to us when we look in the mirror or catch ourselves doing whatever it is we’re “too much” of.

So we smallenate. We pull in. We stop being wholly ourselves.

We clip our own wings based on the judgments of others. We crush our own dreams so we can fit in the boxes provided.

I used to be a chameleon.

I would act like my friends, even when their behavior didn’t suit me at all, because I was terrified of being alone, being abandoned, being unloved. I would sacrifice the love of myself for the love of others.

The other night, a friend was over playing Rock Band with us. I caught myself emulating the speech patterns of his girlfriend – something I still occasionally do. The thought process that followed was glorifying and powerful, and one I’d never experienced before.

(This is all in my head, to myself, and in the span of about ten seconds.)

I’m emulating his girlfriend. Why? Well, I know he loves her, so I know he likes that behavior, so I’m doing it so he’ll like me. What else can I offer him that he doesn’t already get with her?

Me! I can offer him me, the real me, the whole and unadulterated me – and no one else in the entire world can be as me as I can. I’m the only me, the only Kyeli, and he likes me because of that, not in spite of it!

I then relaxed and stopped acting like her and went back to acting like me, and had a much funner time of it.

Throw open the doors.

If we’re constantly acting in accordance with the rules or regulations set down by others, we’re constantly ignoring ourselves. But you are the only one in the entire universe that can be you, and if you dim your light, we’re all missing out on something wonderful and bright and shiny and entirely unique.

Invest in yourself. Find out who you really are, underneath. Discover your own likes and dislikes, find your sense of style. Love yourself first; treat yourself as you would your very best friend.

Our souls are crying out, begging to be released from their cages. Break the locks, throw open the doors, and be gloriously, unabashedly you.

I look forward to meeting you.

Two months ago, I was constantly terrified.

Sometimes I was able to bury it under the surface, but it would rear its head at horrible times. I would fight with Kyeli about personal and business expenses, and I would randomly flip out in terror of what might happen if the Freak Revolution wasn’t profitable enough soon enough.

Would we lose our house?

Would we have to give up all our comfort and fun things?

Would we have to eat nothing but rice and beans?

Would we have to leave Austin?

Would I have to go back to work full-time at my day job?

Today, I’m at peace.

Well, maybe not at peace, but certainly much farther along on my journey toward finding peace. Still some fear, still some worry, but no more abject terror, no more flip-outs, and no more horrible fights about money. Kyeli, back me up in a comment here? (:

What changed?

Two words: Mark Silver.

I’ve been taking the Heart of Money course, and even though I’m only halfway through, it’s already having a profound effect on my relationship with money.

It doesn’t stop there.

In addition to transforming my relationship with money, it’s also affecting me on a deep spiritual level. I’m learning humility.

Isn’t that one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse?

I know, I know, I’ve always been pretty egotistical. Empowerment bordering on hubris is a valuable trait for an entrepreneur. It’s like Michelangelo said:

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

But I’m learning that it’s possible to be empowered while still being completely powerless. To explain how, I’ve first got to talk about three different forms of relationships.

Codependence → Independence → Interdependence

Relationships often move through three phases.

In codependence, you depend on others to the exclusion of yourself. You are not a whole person; you’re completed by someone else.

In independence, you are self-sufficient. You are a whole person, empowered, not relying on others. Many modern cultures, especially Western cultures, idealize this phase.

In interdependence, you are self-sufficient but you choose to engage in healthy interactions with others. You are a whole person, and you trust and depend on other whole people in ways that benefit you both.

It’s easy to mistake codependence for interdependence. Heck, I once made that mistake for three years. They’re both forms of dependence, and they look the same on the surface.

Being the Universe’s bitch vs. being the Universe’s bitch

(a subtle distinction)

What I’m learning from the Heart of Money class is that one’s spirituality, one’s relationship with the Divine (or God, or Goddess, or the Universe, or Source, or what have you) also moves through these three phases.

In codependence, you are God’s bitch. That touchdown you just made? God did that. You deserve no credit. You give up all your power and your responsibility to the Divine, keeping none for yourself. Those negative circumstances you find yourself in? You don’t move a muscle to get yourself out. You tell yourself “It’s God’s will” and accept your lot in life.

In independence, you don’t need God. You don’t need spirituality or religion. You’re an atheist or agnostic. You keep all your power to yourself and take all responsibility for yourself. Those negative circumstances you find yourself in? You take action to change them, on your own.

In interdependence, you are God’s bitch. That touchdown you just made? You couldn’t have done that without your God-given gifts. You recognize that all power comes from the Divine, so you claim no power as your own, but accept the responsibility of stewarding it. Those negative circumstances you find yourself in? You use the power you’re stewarding to change them, but if you cannot change them, you accept them as they are, telling yourself “It’s God’s will”.

Eat me like candy.

Codependence and interdependence look awfully similar, don’t they? But really, a more accurate summary of codependence would be that God is your bitch. The Universe is your scapegoat, your ultimate buck-stops-there excuse. Take, for example, this poem by Rumi:

Your prayer should be, “Break the legs of what I want to happen. Humiliate my desire. Eat me like candy. It’s spring, and finally I have no will.”

Sounds like being God’s bitch, right? Sounds like codependence? Nope. Rumi is actually talking about spiritual interdependence. He’s talking about the simultaneous freedom and terror you experience when you realize that the feeling of control you felt in the phase of independence is an illusion.

But this doesn’t mean you’re giving up your power and responsibility, it just means that you’re not claiming them as yours alone. There’s a saying from the Feri tradition:

“Self is God and God is Self and God is a person like myself.”

In “giving up” your power to the Divine, you’re actually bringing it back to yourself in a purified form.

The Heart of Money Transformational Journey

Mark Silver doesn’t actually talk about being God’s bitch in the Heart of Money class. This is my own work that was triggered by the issues we do talk about in class, which cover things like getting in touch with your heart, finding out what spiritual lessons your relationship with money is trying to teach you, learning to face your assets and liabilities, and that sort of thing.

The Heart of Money work is straightforward when you do it, but it causes these deep ripples that change you in tectonic ways.

One thing Mark said that really stuck with me is:

“Imagine you had a partner, and you spent 30 minutes a week kissing her so she wouldn’t leave you, then saying, ‘Sheesh, I’m glad that’s over with.’ That’s not a healthy relationship. It’s not going to grow. But many people have that exact relationship with their bills, and they expect their money to grow. They don’t realize that their financial situation is not going to change unless their relationship with money changes.”

You want to get in on this before July 31.

Mark recently told me that he’s now offering the Heart of Money course as a home study! I’m super excited to share this with you. This has been the single most effective thing I’ve done to change my relationship with money — to stop the fear, the worry, and the flip-outs. Which is in turn changing things in our business, not just for the better, but for the awesomer!

It was hard for me to decide to sign up. I had to push past the very same money-fear issues I wanted to solve in order to buy it. Kinda paradoxical. But I did push through (with oodles of love, support, and persistence from Kyeli), and it was the one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Seriously. It’s been that important for me.

They’re having a sale where the Heart of Money Homestudy is like 50% off or something ridiculous if you pre-order before July 31st. So I encourage you to check it out now before the price goes up. Mark Silver is an amazing human being, and I stand behind him and his work one hundred percent. (He’s even on our sidebar of Revolutionaries!)

Click this link: Heart of Money Home Study

And since I’ve been quoting so many famous people in this post, I’d like to end with a quote from the immortal Martin Whitmore:

“Yes.”

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 28: Verbal aikido

Do you ever feel attacked by someone? Not punched or kicked, but attacked with words, expressions, or emotions? We certainly have. In this chapter, we’ll explain how you can take the principles of aikido, which deal with physical attacks, and apply those same principles to verbal attacks as well, using verbal aikido.

There are six basic ways to respond to a verbal attack.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 28: Verbal aikido (web page)

There are as many ways of being as there are people on the planet – somewhere in the neighborhood of seven billion. Every one of us will make friendships and break friendships in our own way. There are the friend-sluts who befriend anyone, there are the “connectors” who have their fingers in every friend-circle but lack deeper connections, there are the wallflowers, too shy to make friends in large groups, and people in every spot in the spectrum.

This doesn’t mean we’re broken or bad or wrong or stupid, any of us. Quite the opposite – doing things in our own ways means we’re healthy!

Me, myself, and I

I used to want to be like Pace. She’s a friend-slut; she has hundreds of friends and is open and easy to get to know. Everywhere we go, we run into someone who knows her. Her close friends don’t ask “Do you know Pace?” when they meet someone new – they ask, “How do you know Pace?”

And I’m the opposite. It took me ages to get comfortable with how I am and how I make friends. I’m very picky. I’m picky with acquaintances and even pickier with friends. I’m not particularly easy to get to know. I’m a Guardian, so I’m guarded by nature. I’ve been wounded, so I’m quick to defense. I’m ridiculously loyal to and fiercely protective of those I choose to befriend, so I choose carefully.

I take time to make connections, and I only make a few of them at a time.

The Connection Paradigm

I am intentionally leading a shift from the control paradigm to one of connection.

This has caused some dissonance. How can I teach the connection paradigm if I’m super-picky about with whom I connect?

Because I don’t have to connect with everyone to teach connection. I don’t have to connect with people who make me feel bad. I don’t have to connect to people who hurt me. I don’t have to connect to people I simply don’t like or with whom I don’t agree. I don’t have to connect to people who don’t want to connect with me. I don’t have to connect with people who might be a potential best friend for life.

Choosing whom to connect with is part of leading the connection paradigm – because I’m also teaching self-love and self-knowledge. Knowing myself, knowing my limits, boundaries, and what I want out of the connections I make, be they friendship or other kinds of relationship, is part of being a whole and healthy person.

It’s like communication.

I don’t have to communicate with everyone to teach communication. We chose a select group – a target audience – for our book. We wrote it with examples from gay and poly relationships. We wrote it without the use of religion.

Particularly religious people might not like it. People who are anti-poly won’t like it. People who are anti-gay won’t like it.

And you know what? I don’t care. It’s not for those people.

I don’t wish them harm. I just self-select out of being their teachers. There are plenty of resources out there, and they are more than welcome – in fact, encouraged – to find a teacher (or set of teachers) that resonates with them.

I’m not for everyone.

The same goes with everything else I teach or preach. There will be things I say that don’t resonate with everyone. There will be people I will refuse to teach. There are people with whom I refuse to communicate – and there are people with whom I refuse to connect.

But refusing to connect with everyone ever doesn’t mean I can’t teach connection – if anything, it’s the only healthy way to teach such a powerful thing.

I will model healthy boundaries. I will model self-knowledge. I will reach out to those I feel safe with, to those I know will learn from me, to those I can actually get through to. There will be natural times when I stretch my limits – likely there will be hundreds of those – but I will choose those times. It’s the only way I can remain strong in myself.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am extremely lucky; one of my best friends in the entire world is Megan Elizabeth Morris.

Megan is fucking awesome.

We met at a poly 101 meeting, where Pace and I were teaching the Usual Error material. In her check-in, Pace said, “I think Megan is hot.”

We’ve all been friends ever since.

Megan is someone you want on your team. She’s brilliant, witty, hilarious, gorgeous, silly. She has a huge presence. Her voice ranges from insanely cute and tiny to blow your mind opera singer big (she’s an actual opera singer). Her hair is curly, her eyes are bright, her smile infectious.

And she’s started a new business.

Why you want to work with Megan…

Megan helps me think outside the box. She reminds me to look for alternate solutions, helps me find alternate solutions.

When I brainstorm with her, I learn to brainstorm by myself more effectively. I ask myself, What might Megan do here? and then I can think more outside-the-box-ly.

She also taught me that it’s okay – indeed, fun and helpful – to write and color and highlight in books. Before I saw her do it, I never would have done it. Now, I scribble in the margins with abandon, highlight the juicy bits with glee. It makes my books more mine – and helps me learn. With her help, I’ve realized how visual I am, and can teach myself more effectively.

…especially on new projects.

I would particularly recommend Megan to you if you’re just getting started with a project or business. When we’re in that new and start-up phase, we tend to get fixated on one way (sometimes two) of doing things, and get really boxed in – but that can really fuck up your brand-new baby business!

If, however, you get some time with Megan, together you can make mad blueprints and color all over poster boards and brainstorm like wildfire, and get alternate ways of doing things that they can build into the foundation of your project or business, which will make you stronger, smarter, and more effective from the very beginning!

In my not-so-humble opinion, Megan doesn’t charge nearly what she’s worth. Brainstorming is incredibly underrated in general, and having someone help you brainstorm is *invaluable*. It’s an outside perspective, a look from a non-stuck, non-scary place that most people can’t get to on their own. In our conversations, I’ve gained ideas that will make me mad amounts of cash (wait and see; they’re coming!), as well as a fresh perspective that keeps me interested in and excited about what I do!

Knowing that all I have to do to get some awesome ideas when I’m feeling stuck is throw some money Megan’s direction inspires me to keep going on those harder days. I don’t know of anyone else who does what she does, but even if a million people did it, she’d still be the best.

She even does it for free.

There’s a whole page of free ideas over on her site. She really gets it – she understands that you can’t sell ideas, so she doesn’t even try.

I really admire that about her. It shows an understanding of the way the world (and the internet) works that runs deep, like a gold streak in a riverbed.

So, imagine you get stuck.

You could go to the bookstore and buy a book, but then you have to make time to read it, and what if it’s written poorly or in a style you don’t get? You’d need another book! And then, the cycle starts over.

But what if you had help from a real live human? One with endless enthusiasm and boundless brilliance?

Megan! (: Her ideas are far more fun, entertaining, and interesting than anything you’ll ever find in any book, thought up by an intelligent, witty, clever woman with an exceptional mind, sharp perception, and the ability to see all 20 sides of a icosahedron at once (and who will color all 20 sides a different awesome color). She adds cohesion to a scattered mess, brings light to those dark times when your brain won’t think.

She can create blueprints that will illustrate what you’ve missed and show you new and exciting ways of doing what you haven’t.

That Idea Blueprint Girl

Last week, Megan launched her new business, That Idea Blueprint Girl.

When she started talking about it, I started dancing. I could barely sit still! Ever since she and I took our friendship into the business world and started collaborating, I’ve been dazzled by her and hoping she would do for others what she does for me – and get paid mad amounts of cash for it.

I recommend Megan to you – any of you – for any project under the sun. In fact, I excitedly and wholeheartedly recommend her to you even if you don’t even have a project yet, because that’s what an Idea Blueprint Girl is for!

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 27: Reflection

Communication is a tricky process, fraught with the peril of misunderstanding. Successful communication requires four separate steps. To illustrate, imagine that you and your friend Daniel are having a conversation; Daniel talks and you listen.

Step 1. Daniel has a concept that he wants to express. He translates this into words.

Step 2. He speaks the words.

Step 3. You hear the words.

Step 4. Based on your interpretation of the words you heard, you make your best guess at the concept Daniel had in Step 1.

Any one of these four steps can go wrong. Step 1 could go wrong if Daniel fails to capture his intent accurately with the words he chooses. Step 2 could go wrong if he accidentally stumbles over his words. Step 3 could go wrong if you mishear the words he spoke. Step 4 could go wrong if you incorrectly guess Daniel’s intent or meaning.

With all these possibilities for error, it’s a wonder successful communication ever happens at all! One way to make communication more successful is to add a Step 5: Reflection.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 27: Reflection (web page)

I know I keep talking about it in vague “omg this is awesome” bits and bites, but today I’m devoting an entire post to the magick and awesomeness of Declutter Goddesses. (That’s my affiliate link, so I do get a share of the monies if you use it, but that changes nothing for me. I’d still sing praises all over the world from the top of mountains and the bottom of rivers for this course without that.)

The leaders of this magnificent class are Lisa of Divine Order and Leonie of Goddess Guidebook. Lisa’s an Organizer (to understate) and Leonie’s a Goddess Guide. They are both incredibly smart and loving, gentle and delightful, and I can’t even imagine a better guide for the journey of decluttering.

I thought this would just help me get rid of stuff.

I used to buy stuff because I wanted stuff. I wasn’t careful what I bought. If I wanted something right there in that moment, I’d get it. I didn’t think about long-term usage or desire.

Needless to say, I accumulated a lot of stuff. And as I grow and change, my stuff doesn’t, and I stopped wanting a lot of it… but was utterly unable to bring myself to get rid of any of it. Then, I heard about this class, and I know these two lovely ladies, and I knew they’d be able to coax me into ditching the stuff I had that I didn’t want anymore.

I happily signed up, on the basis that it was worth the money just to learn how to get rid of some of my crap.

Little did I know…

Delving into the reasons I keep things. Delving into the reasons I buy things. Learning surprising things.

I wound up in tears the first week. I was surrounded by the love and light Lisa and Leonie fill each page with, and I burst into tears as I realized that a huge part of the stress in my life is caused by the mess in my environment.

All that clutter? It piles up on me, spiritually and mentally. It prevents me from being able to work efficiently, but more than that it prevents me from feeling clear. I didn’t know how connected to my environment I am, how visual I am, or how directly related unwanted clutter is to the stress and heartsickness that I’ve been feeling for months now.

Life-changing decluttering.

Lisa the Divine Declutter-er does the declutter side of the plan. This work came into my life and stared gently shining lights on my life. I knew it probably would, but not to what degree. It’s affecting not just my environment, but my entire life.

My money issues have started evaporating. When I want to buy something, I’ve started asking myself, “Would I want this on my altar?” “Is this actually useful in some way?”

If the answers are “no”, I don’t buy it. I’m pre-decluttering – and saving lots of money. Woo!

I got rid of a ton of clothes that don’t fit or make me sad or upset. I kept thinking, “Will I wear this in the next few days?” “Will I like how I look in this?” If the answer was no, I got rid of it!

I got rid of a bunch of stuff that’s useful to someone else, but no longer useful to me. I kept asking, “Will I use this? Can someone else get use out of it right now?”

I imagined Lisa standing there with me, gently asking me these questions and helping me when I get stuck – and I can email her if I get too stuck, and then she is right there.

Life-changing magickal reminders.

Then there’s Goddess Leonie. From her, I’m learning about all kinds of interesting and magicakal stuff – but mostly, she’s reminding me that I’m a Witch, and reminding me how wonderful and powerful I am.

The first week, I wound up in tears as I looked around my house and realized how little I have that actually fuels me, and how much I have that tears me down. We had only one altar and it’s kind of stagnant and I don’t feel like I can change it.

So I walked around the house and felt like a little Faery Leonie was fluttering near my shoulder, encouraging me to see the sacred in everything I own, and if something felt wrong, I got rid of it. And then I built an altar on my desk, one that enriches my workspace and makes me feel creative and whole whenever I sit there.

I’ve learned Feng Shui and how to build crystal grids, and been reminded to get in touch with my self and my Self… and if I get scared or stuck, I know Leonie’s right there and I can email her and she’ll help me out.

Two parts of a huge whole.

I keep talking about it because it’s changing my life. I want you to take it – not because Lisa is awesome (though she is), not because Leonie is awesome (though she is) – but because it is worth every penny and every second you’ll invest.

We accumulate clutter through life, often without even noticing. We pile up stuff and create mess, and it stagnates and creates stagnation in other aspects of our life without us even being aware of it. This course gently and lovingly creates awareness, and teaches you what to do about it in sweet, easily-digestible stages that you can take at your own pace.

World-changing earth-shaking love-creating space-shaping clutter-removing treasure-making work. Even if only half of my work is this powerful and sacred, I’m well on my way to being a supernova of awesome.

The course is starting up again tomorrow, Tuesday July 14th. And to join me, all you have to do is click this link and sign up!