Follow your heart, even if it farts in public.
by Kyeli on July 27th, 2009 @ 9:30 am in
How To Be Awesome
If the reason you aren’t doing something – anything – is “because it isn’t done”, that’s bullshit.
Do it!
Be wild. Be silly. Be loud. Wear clothes that make you happy – even if they don’t match. Even if they look ridiculous! Big hats, mismatched shoes, polka dots with stripes. Go out for ice cream in the middle of the night! Walk slowly – saunter, even. Laugh a lot. Be inappropriate. Fart! Walk backwards, dance in the aisles, sing along with the music at dinner.
Be yourself, whatever that entails for you.
It’s okay; I give you permission. If anyone doesn’t like it, send them to me.
What do you like?
So much of our lives are spent being lived for someone else. We think of our kids or our parents, our friends or our co-workers, our bosses, and we mold ourselves into their molds based on their needs or desires.
But what about ourselves?
I spent my childhood being “too much”: I was too loud, too sensitive, too silly, too unrealistic. Eventually, being told “too much” too much, I toned down. I stopped being too silly, locked up bits of my heart so I wouldn’t be too sensitive, crushed some of my dreams so I wouldn’t be too unrealistic, and muted myself so I wouldn’t be too loud.
Fuck that.
I am silly! I am loud! I laugh from my belly, even when we’re in fancy restaurants – even when it makes people look at me.
I wear socks that don’t match. My favorite pair of socks, in fact, is one pink with spirals and one purple with stripes – I don’t even have two matches of either of them. I wear colors that don’t always go perfectly together.
I realized about four years ago that the only person I really have to please is me.
The real too much is actually too little.
When we’re told we’re “too much” of anything, it pokes a little hole in our soul. It spawns a little “not good enough” demon to perch in our minds, way back at the back of our brains, to whisper lies to us when we look in the mirror or catch ourselves doing whatever it is we’re “too much” of.
So we smallenate. We pull in. We stop being wholly ourselves.
We clip our own wings based on the judgments of others. We crush our own dreams so we can fit in the boxes provided.
I used to be a chameleon.
I would act like my friends, even when their behavior didn’t suit me at all, because I was terrified of being alone, being abandoned, being unloved. I would sacrifice the love of myself for the love of others.
The other night, a friend was over playing Rock Band with us. I caught myself emulating the speech patterns of his girlfriend – something I still occasionally do. The thought process that followed was glorifying and powerful, and one I’d never experienced before.
(This is all in my head, to myself, and in the span of about ten seconds.)
I’m emulating his girlfriend. Why? Well, I know he loves her, so I know he likes that behavior, so I’m doing it so he’ll like me. What else can I offer him that he doesn’t already get with her?
…
Me! I can offer him me, the real me, the whole and unadulterated me – and no one else in the entire world can be as me as I can. I’m the only me, the only Kyeli, and he likes me because of that, not in spite of it!
I then relaxed and stopped acting like her and went back to acting like me, and had a much funner time of it.
Throw open the doors.
If we’re constantly acting in accordance with the rules or regulations set down by others, we’re constantly ignoring ourselves. But you are the only one in the entire universe that can be you, and if you dim your light, we’re all missing out on something wonderful and bright and shiny and entirely unique.
Invest in yourself. Find out who you really are, underneath. Discover your own likes and dislikes, find your sense of style. Love yourself first; treat yourself as you would your very best friend.
Our souls are crying out, begging to be released from their cages. Break the locks, throw open the doors, and be gloriously, unabashedly you.
I look forward to meeting you.
- Related posts:
- Follow your heart, Pie-fucker.
- Drop everything and follow your heart.
- This is a very public post about my very private parts.
- I think I’ll wall off my heart.
- It’s okay to need what you need.
Are you ready to stop reading about how to be awesome and start living it? Our 52 Weeks to Awesome e-course is open for registration! With a commitment of just an hour per week, you can be living an awesome life in 52 baby steps. What better time to start than now?
9 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Lance on July 27th, 2009 12:31 pm | link
Hi Kyeli,
I love the brashness of this post! Your point is heard, and heard well. And one worth repeating – so that more people “get” it. Being our true selves can seem scary or awkward or (insert other adjective here) – but if we’re not – then we’re short-changing ourselves and the world we touch.
So — I’m on this one fully with you! Here’s to following our hearts…whatever they speak!
#3 Posted by 
kate on July 27th, 2009 12:40 pm | link
this is GREAT!! Actually, I struggle very much with this myself. I am constantly in awe of my husband who really doesn’t care what anyone thinks and is always ‘himself’! He is also the only person I am mostly myself around. And I have learned to be more of myself with him than with anyone.
question though – what are your thoughts on how to ‘be yourself’ when it may impact others negatively?
For example, my hubs feels the need to honk ALL THE TIME when we are driving (his reasonings include: ‘it’s my voice on the road!’ and ‘they need to know they are bad drivers!’). Our solution so far is to compromise by limiting himself to 3 honks per trip. He still gets to be himself, and I get to not worry about being hunted down/runover/etc. by angry motorists.
#5 Posted by 
melly on July 27th, 2009 1:29 pm | link
Kyeli. WHAT AN AWESOME POST. I relate so much to your story when you were younger. I was very much like that (and find myself still occasionally ’slipping’ into that pattern).
For a long time, I really thought I didn’t have anything to offer other people so I would be what they needed, except I could only live that way so long before withdrawing. It was a messy pattern. yucky.
life is better now that i am living more true. it is definitely a process but one so worth all the hard bits! :) i love this journey…
thank you for sharing from your heart, kyeli. it really helps to hear other peeps overcoming challenges.
keep dreaming & learning about YOU! ROCK ON~
#6 Posted by 
Liz on July 27th, 2009 9:34 pm | link
Kyeli,
I love this. It’s taken me many years as well to finally come to being myself: big, loud, goofy me. And I cringe when I see myself doing this to my son- urging him to be quieter in public, not to be so goofy with his friends (again- in public!). I guess I’m still just a little worried that someone will think I’m an irresponsible parent. Hmm.. something to chew on!
#7 Posted by 
Michelle Russell on July 28th, 2009 2:32 pm | link
Kyeli–
Thanks for this. It’s inspiring to know that there are other people out there throwing open the doors of themselves and living large. I’m trying to do this now, too . . . after an entire lifetime of living not just to please other people, but even worse, in ways that I **assumed** other people wanted me to act (and was very likely often wrong), I’m facing something really scary:
I’m not even sure what it is that I want.
But I’m sick and tired of being “the good girl.” Of the endless efforts to prove myself at everything. Time to figure out what my personal equivalent of proudly wearing mismatched socks is for you. :o)
I look forward to meeting me, too!
#8 Posted by 
Bob Poole on July 29th, 2009 10:23 am | link
Our souls are crying out, begging to be released from their cages. Break the locks, throw open the doors, and be gloriously, unabashedly you.
I love this sentence. I’m putting it on the wall in my office. Fantastic thinking and feeling!
#9 Posted by 
Julia on July 30th, 2009 12:24 pm | link
quote from Kate’s comment:
question though – what are your thoughts on how to ‘be yourself’ when it may impact others negatively?
For example, my hubs feels the need to honk ALL THE TIME when we are driving (his reasonings include: ‘it’s my voice on the road!’ and ‘they need to know they are bad drivers!’). Our solution so far is to compromise by limiting himself to 3 honks per trip. He still gets to be himself, and I get to not worry about being hunted down/runover/etc. by angry motorists.
Julia’s response:
In my experience, compromise is a good way to balance the need to be oneself with the need to live harmoniously with others. If something is a problem — negotiate a compromise. If something isn’t a problem, the individual can just be herself!
#1 Posted by
Pace on July 17th, 2009 1:58 pm | link
You can’t say “funner”. It just isn’t done. *ducks*
I LOVE THIS POST! *stands up and cheers*
It reminds me of this drabble, this webcomic, and this short story by H.P. Lovecraft.