In Defense of Closed-Mindedness (or, I Won’t Argue With You Because I Live in a Fantasy World)
by Pace on August 21st, 2009 @ 9:30 am in
How To Be Awesome
Tags: holding healthy boundaries, real life is like Mage, the thinker thinks and the prover proves, the usual error, we are made of meat
Our culture values open-mindedness highly. “You’re very open-minded” is a compliment, and “You’re so closed-minded” is an insult.
Today, I’m going to turn the tables. I’m going to talk about how great it is to be closed-minded.
Being closed-minded is great because we are made of meat.
Being open-minded means being willing to have a rational discussion about something you disagree on. But people aren’t rational; we’re made of meat!
People believe that they do things for a reason, but that’s not actually true. People do what they want to do, then make up reasons for it after the fact.[1]
Being closed-minded is great because everyone is.
Being open-minded means being willing to question your beliefs. But everyone has beliefs that are so strongly held that they’re unwilling to seriously question them.
For example, would you be willing to let someone try to convince you that rape is good? That the sky is green? I’d bet your patience would wear thin pretty fast, and it would be a total waste of everybody’s time. Everyone is closed-minded about something.
Being closed-minded doesn’t mean closing off all connection.
Being open-minded means being willing to connect with anyone who wishes to present you with a different point of view. Connection is wonderful, but you can live a life of connection without connecting with everyone, and without taking advantage of every opportunity for discussion, sharing, or understanding.
Being closed-minded is great because it holds healthy boundaries.
Being open-minded means being willing to listen to others’ points of view. This requires giving others your time and attention. It’s perfectly fine to choose not to share your time and attention. It’s your time, your attention, and your choice.
It’s the usual error; just because open-minded people choose to spend their time opening up to others’ points of view doesn’t mean others wish to or are obligated to.
Being closed-minded is great because there is no one right way.
Being open-minded is highly valued in this culture because it is a culture of science. Science says that an objective reality exists, that true answers to questions can be known. I don’t believe that. I believe that reality is subjective and individual. I believe that real life is like Mage. I believe that there is no one right way to live. I believe in following my heart.
You may believe differently. That’s cool.
You may believe in one objective reality and think that I’m living in a fantasy world. That’s cool.
You may wish to explain to me why I’m being unreasonable. But I won’t argue with you, because I live in a fantasy world. (:
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9 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Shannon Henry on August 21st, 2009 12:07 pm | link
Way to write boldly!
Definitely got me thinking with this one… particularly the examples of how everyone is closed-minded about some things.
I think that being open-minded is often confused with being accepting of others having different beliefs – I can be okay with your believing that the sky is green without always opening up to taking on that belief myself. Other beliefs I may not be so okay with, but I can understand that I’m not going to change that person’s mind and simply choose not to associate with them.
At the same time, I’d love to hear how you think this concept interplays with valuing curiosity and learning and growth.
#3 Posted by 
Betsy Wuebker on August 21st, 2009 12:53 pm | link
Well, my dad always said, “Don’t be so open-minded that your brains fall out.”
#4 Posted by 
Pace on August 21st, 2009 3:48 pm | link
@Nicole: Indeed.
@Shannon: Oh, yes yes yes! Tolerance is different from open-mindedness. It’s the difference between “This is not right” and “This is not right for me.” As for curiosity and learning and growth, I think it’s again about boundaries. There are lots of areas where I’m excited about learning and growing, and in those areas, I’m open-minded. In other areas, I’m closed-minded.
@Betsy: Ha! (:
#5 Posted by 
Elly on August 22nd, 2009 12:45 pm | link
Open-minded and closed-minded are a spectrum, not a binary. If you’re completely closed-minded, that’s horrible! If you’re completely open-minded, then you’re not setting healthy boundaries, and that’s horrible too. The right place to be is in the middle.
… this “writing boldly” thing feels weird. There’s a half-dozen qualifiers missing there, damn it ^^
#6 Posted by 
Goddess Leonie | Goddess Guidebook on August 22nd, 2009 5:26 pm | link
I totally agree… I’m close-minded about happiness. I totally believe that happiness is my right and choice every single day. And that everything is really, really going to be okay. So it’s all good. :) But then I get people saying “you’re not being realistic about what the world is really like.” And to be honest, I don’t give a shit. I’m a happy bean that believes living is better if you’re a Tigger than an Eeyore.
:)
xoxo
#7 Posted by 
Lydia, Clueless Crafter on August 25th, 2009 2:47 pm | link
A little late to say this, but I think that being closed-minded is really the wrong way of saying that we have the power of our convictions. Thank you for putting “tried-and-true” cultural concepts to the test. Opens the eyes doesn’t it:-)
#8 Posted by Pace on August 25th, 2009 10:55 pm | link
@Elly: I like your bold writing style. (:
@Leonie: What a wonderful thing to be closed-minded about. That’s exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about! And the wonderful thing about Leonie’s that Leonie’s a wonderful thing! (;
@Lydia: Yes!!
#9 Posted by 
Leah/DefytheBox on August 26th, 2009 5:11 pm | link
I love this post Pace!
I look at your close-minded concept as being in a place of Knowing what is right for me. There are some things that i just KNOW are my preference and my reality…..but that does not mean they are right for someone else, and no amount of convincing will make me change my mind about it. My sense of knowing goes deep down inside of me.
I think that it is good to be open-minded and allow yourself to entertain other ideas and perhaps even open yourself up to new experiences…even if it is some thing that most folks may think is taboo or unacceptable. Let’s face it, us freaks do plenty of things that the mainstream mentality would not do because they are caught up in a close minded story saying it is bad, or wrong, or dirty…or whatever the label may be. The key is to be open minded enough to consider everything while being deeply tuned into your own sense of knowing what does and does not resonate true for you.
Rock On!
Leah
#1 Posted by
Nicole on August 21st, 2009 11:55 am | link
I think of open-minded as when presented with a new idea, being open to it. Not everyone deserves attention and an unwillingness to give any isn’t necessary closed-mindedness. More likely, intelligence.