Don’t go to the cheese factory
by Pace on September 16th, 2009 @ 9:30 am in
How To Be Awesome
“Don’t go to the cheese factory” is a metaphor we coined during a recent coaching session with a couple who were having troubles in their relationship.
Photo by aimlessbirdBob has a problem. He’s addicted to cheese. Soft cheese, hard cheese, sharp cheese, mild cheese, round cheese, square cheese, cheddar, brie, gouda, jack, bleu, feta, wensleydale. He can’t get enough cheese.
One fateful New Year’s Day, Bob resolves to give up cheese. It’s not good for his health, and he doesn’t want to support the dairy industry for ethical reasons. These reasons are more important to Bob than his cravings.
But then one day, Bob goes to the cheese factory. “I can handle it,” he tells himself. “I’ll be fine.” At the first offer of free samples, he’s gobbling up the cheese again, stuffing his face with abandon.
Bob continues to visit the cheese factory from time to time. He tries as hard as he can; sometimes he resists, and sometimes he succumbs. “I tried my best,” he says. “It’s just so hard to resist when the cheese is right there in front of me.”
This is my advice to Bob:
If you don’t want to eat the cheese, don’t go to the cheese factory.
Photo by jtuasonIf you don’t want to wake up in bed next to a stranger, don’t drink so much at the party.
If you don’t want to eat junk food, don’t buy junk food.
If you don’t want to come home with a cute little puppy, don’t go to the animal shelter.
If you don’t want to spend money on books, don’t go to the bookstore.
If you want to eat smaller portions, serve yourself smaller portions instead of relying on your willpower to stop eating when your plate is still half full.
If you don’t want to waste 20% of your life watching television, get rid of your TV set, or your cable.
If you don’t want to waste 20% of your life playing World of Warcraft, unsubcribe.
If you don’t want to spend all your money on gorgeous stripy socks, don’t follow @SockDreams on Twitter.
If you don’t want to get back together with your ex, don’t talk to your ex.
Don’t rely on your willpower in the moment, when the temptation is right in front of you. Rely on your willpower once, ahead of time, when you’re feeling clear about what you most want.
Don’t try not to eat the cheese once you’re already at the cheese factory. Make one decision in advance: choose not to go to the cheese factory in the first place.
What examples of “don’t go to the cheese factory” can you think of in your life, or of people you know?
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24 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Pace on September 16th, 2009 10:44 am | link
…and Havi posted about cheese. What an odd blog day it is…
#3 Posted by 
Ms Constantine on September 16th, 2009 10:52 am | link
This is exactly why I couldn’t forgive someone who cheated on me just because they were drunk. If you have no willpower don’t put yourself in the path of temptation (and purposefully relax your inhibitions)!
Ms Constantine´s last blog ..Daily Outfit – 12 September 2009 
#4 Posted by 
Dave on September 16th, 2009 11:20 am | link
First, I love the post because it took a bit of effort for me to give up cheese myself a few years ago. (Got much easier after we chose to fill our kitchen with vegan cookbooks.) Secondly, you provide a very powerful and down-to-earth illustration of a common issue: We often hold desires to alter our behaviors for extended periods, but we often blame it upon our environments/surroundings, which we frequently have the power to change.
Sometimes we have little or no control over our environments, but often, a pretty good chunk of what surrounds us is the product of our choices and behaviors.
Dave´s last blog ..Lessons from Addictions Treatment: Environmental Influences & Behavioral Change
#5 Posted by 
Laurie Stewart on September 16th, 2009 11:40 am | link
Don’t ask the question, if you don’t want the answer~
Laurie Stewart´s last blog ..being real
#6 Posted by 
Moon'slark on September 16th, 2009 11:50 am | link
Argh! My issue is that its very hard to avoid some things… I mean I am tempted when I go to the store to get one thing, and I end up with a few others. I’m getting better, I’m learning where I can go (alternatives) that will force me to only get what I need (ie, groceries) and not what I “think” I want (ie, blank books, pens, craft supplies) that make me feel good about the state of my life (but NOT good about the state of my finances)…
If you make the cake of COURSE you’re gonna wanna eat it too :) so don’t make the cake (laugh)
Moon’slark´s last blog ..Autumn Rush…
#7 Posted by Pace on September 16th, 2009 1:15 pm | link
@Ms Constantine: Yeah! If you’re going to disclaim responsibility for your actions when in an altered state, you still have the responsibility for getting into that state. Although as a side note, your comment reminds me that I want to write a post about forgiveness, and why it’s actually all about you, not the other person. Forgiveness is a selfish act.
@Dave: Indeed!
@Laurie: Good one!
@Moon’slark: Yeah, it can be tough when the cheese factory is a place where you need to go for some other reason. The way society is, it’s difficult to opt out of things when everyone is pushing them in your face!
#8 Posted by 
Sheila on September 16th, 2009 1:28 pm | link
If you don’t want to get sucked into the stupid message board drama, don’t go to the message board. (And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell people why you’re leaving or you’ll be struck with the burning urge to see if anybody responded. If anybody wants to know where you went, they can find you somewhere else on the internets . . . )
Sheila´s last blog ..Here We Go Again . . .
#9 Posted by 
Lydia, Clueless Crafter on September 16th, 2009 3:02 pm | link
I love this post because it relies on the power of grammar to control our sometimes disastrous urges. Think this: “If not x, not Y”. Chalks up emotion to an unwavering formula.
#10 Posted by 
Bob Poole on September 16th, 2009 3:25 pm | link
Oh, you’ve been talking with Joann. Or, looking inside my fridge. Cheese is my one big weakness. And, you’re right. The only way to quit is to not buy it. Don’t go to the factory.
I’m laughing right now and one of my dogs is staring at me because I said cheese out loud and I’m afraid he also loves cheese. Perhaps if I just keep it around for the dogs. :-)
Sure, I can handle that.
Bob Poole´s last blog ..Carry the Bag or Shut Up
#11 Posted by 
Green on September 16th, 2009 7:31 pm | link
But if I do want cheese it’s ok to go to the factory, right? :D
If you don’t want to stay up all night doing something you have a history of getting absorbed in and losing track of time (ie: games, tv, homework, philosophical conversations…) don’t -start- to do these when it’s nearly bedtime already. Start earlier.
Or is that more of n example of “if you don’t want to eat cheese, then go to the cheese factory on “wine and crackers only day?”
#12 Posted by Green on September 16th, 2009 7:32 pm | link
Not that most cheese factories have wine and crackers only days.
Also, before I read this post I misread the title and was really worried it was going to be about terrible service or food poisoning you got at the cheesecake factory.
#13 Posted by 
Clare K. R. Miller on September 16th, 2009 7:58 pm | link
You’ve listed all of mine! Don’t go to the bookstore, don’t go to the animal shelter, and definitely don’t follow Sock Dreams! (Though I follow Sock Dreams and went to a bookstore today…)
#14 Posted by Pace on September 16th, 2009 10:33 pm | link
@Sheila: Ha! I’ve been there!
@Bob: LOL!
@Green: I’m imagining a day where they shut down the cheese factory and have a wine and crackers only day. That image gives me the giggles. (: And yes, “Start earlier” is a good corollary.
@Clare: all of yours? (;
#15 Posted by Clare K. R. Miller on September 16th, 2009 11:10 pm | link
Okay… maybe “don’t go to Clockwork Couture” and “don’t go to Etsy” belong on the list as well ;)
#16 Posted by 
Julia on September 17th, 2009 7:31 am | link
Moon’slark –
I’ve had the problem with impulse buying, myself. At one point, I tried to just not make any impulse purchases whatsoever, but I gave in one day in a moment of weakness and spent the next 3 days beating myself up. So, I gave myself permission to make one impulse purchase per day, no more; and if I find something really cool that I like a lot that’s incredibly inexpensive early on during a shopping day, I get that, and can then discipline myself for the rest of the day. (Yesterday’s was a bunch of little Kleenex purse packs with animals on them. And when I saw something in the grocery store later, well, I’d made the impulse buy for the day already, so that was that.)
This is what worked for me in the long run. It won’t work for everyone. That’s one of those things that each person has to figure out, possibly by trial and error.
#17 Posted by Julia on September 17th, 2009 10:55 am | link
If I don’t want to have massive piles of unread books, I shouldn’t buy more books — or buy them at a rate significantly lower than I’m reading the ones I already have. (I’ve been trying to do that this year, and so far it’s working out reasonably well. Combining that with a desire to support locally owned bookstores by buying books from them on a regular basis has made for some interesting buying decisions!)
If I don’t want to break out in a rash, I shouldn’t eat a number of different foods (some of which I’m rather fond of).
If I don’t want intestinal problems the next day, I shouldn’t drink very much alcohol. (My limit, found with experimentation, seems to be about 2.7 drinks, and if I have 1 margarita, that’s all the alcohol I have that day, period.)
If I don’t want to find out over the weekend that we’re out of peanut butter, I shouldn’t go to the store on Friday without confirming how much we have.
If I don’t want a last-minute scramble with papers for school in the morning, I should check the kids’ backpacks as soon as they get home and figure out what needs to be dealt with for the next day, and just get that done right then. (I failed to do that yesterday, so this morning had a bit of unpleasantness! I’m not likely to forget that again for at least a couple of weeks!)
#18 Posted by Pace on September 17th, 2009 10:58 am | link
@Julia: Nice! It seems like you got an even more general point than the point I was attempting to make in my post. You got “if you don’t want the consequence of an action, don’t take that action.” I was only talking about situations involving willpower, but your point is even bigger!
#19 Posted by 
Oliver Danni on September 19th, 2009 7:18 am | link
A friend of mine has a similar metaphor. Often we’ll say things like “I’m trying to get this done” or “I’m trying to stay away from cheese” or “I’m trying to get more exercise” or “I’m trying to be nicer to my neighbors”. Now we say, “Think about having a dog. What would happen if you TRY to feed your dog? Your dog would die! You can’t TRY to feed the dog…you have to actually feed the dog!” So, we no longer “try” to stay away from cheese, or “try” to feed the dog. ;-)
#20 Posted by Pace on September 19th, 2009 8:25 am | link
@Oliver: Yoda goes not to the factory of cheese. (:
#21 Posted by 
R on September 21st, 2009 1:33 pm | link
I have quit drinking tequila for a variety of (good) reasons and part of what has helped me to stick to this is that I am totally clear that this is what I want. So when someone says, “Oh, just a shot?” I can say no and not feel upset about it. I am also clear that in margaritas I drink rum now so I don’t have to totally avoid something I enjoy. It’s weird and involves some explaining at times but so far it’s worked for me.
#22 Posted by Pace on September 21st, 2009 3:06 pm | link
@R: Congrats on avoiding the tequila factory!
#23 Posted by 
tawa on September 21st, 2009 4:47 pm | link
thought provoking post.
i hear it as:
if i want___________then I can do_____________
if want to eat more vegetables then I will go to a vegetable garden.
if i want a different partner then i will begin to look for one
run towards what you want
#24 Posted by 
Leah/DefytheBox on September 22nd, 2009 7:58 am | link
This is a fun post!
The manifestation expert in me likes the perspective that tawa takes…
~If i want ______then I can do________.
Run towards what you want.~
I had to learn to stay away from the “partying all night” factory so that my double brunch shift on Sunday didn’t suck.Then I had to remind myself that although it looked like everyone was having a great time rolling I really did not want that energy in my life anymore. …and I felt like ass for a few days after. Those choices were so hard because in the moment it seemed like indulging would greatly add to my fun and happiness…but I knew from lots of experience that the after effect would suck….
What is came down to was taking full responsibility for my experience in life. If I want to feel good , be clear headed and creating the stuff I want, then I need to take care of myself in that way all the time.
Leah/DefytheBox´s last blog ..A Hedonist Adventure
#1 Posted by
Pace on September 16th, 2009 9:37 am | link
Neat, my friend Dave Wheitner posted about a very similar topic today too.