“The Body Sacred” – part one: the body stuff
by Kyeli on October 28th, 2009 @ 9:30 am in
How To Be Awesome
I need a break from all the death-talk, so let’s talk about some of the other things on my mind for a while. Surprisingly, it’s not weddingweddingwedding or even IrelandIrelandIreland in here – yet. I’m sure I’ll get there. Probably soon.
So, I’ve been reading “The Body Sacred” by Dianne Sylvan. By page 4, I was nodding enthusiastically. Page 8 had me crying, and by page 12, I was wondering how I can meet this extraordinary woman and be her friend.
It’s a good book. I highly recommend it. I’m still only on page 50, because it’s the kind of book I have to read in chunks because I get too full of epiphanies and need to take breaks.
The biggest epiphany I’ve had so far (all 50 pages of so far) is: I’m not limited by my body size.
I have (had?) this attitude of limitation brought on by being fat. I feel like there are things I shouldn’t wear, things I shouldn’t do, things I shouldn’t think or want, because they’re for thin people. I’m not a thin person, therefore I can’t have or do or want those things.
My stripy socks are a great example. There was a time, not very many weeks ago, when I felt ashamed or embarrassed to wear my socks in public. I was afraid that people would look at me and think (or even say) look at that stupid fat girl in those striped (mean people wouldn’t say “stripy”, they’d say “striped”) socks. Doesn’t she know stripes are for thin people?!
Stripes are for thin people. Stripy socks are for thin people – they’re supposed to go over my knees, but none of them do because my legs are too big. The one pair that does actually go above my knees won’t stay up because of my large thighs; they just roll down. My stripy arm-warmers are the same – they only go up to my elbows instead of mid-upper-arm because my arms are bigger around. I really shouldn’t even wear them, right?
Crazy-colored hair is for thin people. When fat people color their hair blue (just to pull a color out of nowhere), it’s just for attention. Look at the fat girl with blue hair, how sad.
High boots are for thin people. I had such an incredibly hard time finding boots that would fit my calves, and I spent many evenings in my bed, crying and feeling horribly fat when they wouldn’t zip up. I nearly gave up, but my bright yellow ones are vinyl enough to stretch over my huge calves. But when I wear them, I feel like people are judging me – knee-high boots are for thin people, and I’m not one.
Flirting is for thin people.
Being attractive is for thin people. Look at media. Everyone is either attractive and thin or fat and evil or stupid. If you’re not thin, well, there you go. Evil or stupid.
Traveling is for thin people. Plane seats are really uncomfortable if you’re heavy – and some airlines charge fat flyers more, up to and including making some of us buy second seats. And the trouble I had finding boots? Tripled for finding a coat, so I guess I’d best not go anywhere too cold. I guess they assume fat people don’t get cold; we’re so well-insulated, we’ll be fine.
Theatres are for thin people. When we saw “Wicked!”, we had to smoosh ourselves into our seats, and my hips ached through the second half of the play. Pace encountered the same thing at a ride at Sea World, so I guess roller coasters are for thin people, too.
Tattoos are for thin people. Piercings are for thin people.
Basically, life is for thin people.
And really, how could I learn any different? Media bombards us with images of supermodels and stars, all of whom are thin – and if they deign to gain a few pounds, they’re the brunt of dozens of tabloid scandals. Most stores don’t carry clothing or even jewelry (like rings) for above average sizes. Target and Walmart used to have nice plus-sized sections, but they’ve both whittled it down to a rack or two at the back of the clothing department – and you have to walk through all the clothes you can’t fit into just to get to the meager pickings of the ones you can. And Old Navy only sells bigger sizes online – giving me the impression that fat people aren’t welcome in their brick-and-mortar stores.
The very terminology used in stores is telling: woman can shop in either “Juniors” (thin and trendy, nothing over a size 10), “Womans” (thin and less trendy, usually for the older crowd, nothing over a size 16 – if they’re generous), and, if the store is particularly generous, there might be a few, hard-to-find, larger sizes somewhere. Occasionally – and this is rare – there’s an actual section of the store for larger sizes. This often falls under “Plus”, and is usually secreted away at the back of stores, and always has about a quarter of the selection of the other departments, if that. And often, “plus-sized” clothes cost more than regular clothes. The fat tax, I guess.
Being a fat teenager is heartbreaking. Finding clothes that are cute, trendy, and fit well is either going to cost a fortune or be fairly impossible – and if you have non-mainstream taste (like me), you’re screwed.
Ugh.
I digress. Ah, my mind is a weird and wandering place these days.
“The Body Sacred” introduces a novel and paradigm-shattering concept: I’m okay the way I am, regardless of how that is.
Wait. Hold the phone. Stop the presses. What? It’s okay to be fat? It’s okay to take a break from the countless hours of calorie-counting? It’s okay to eat that cupcake and not exercise myself senseless to make up for it? It’s okay to be fat – and being fat doesn’t make me a loser? It doesn’t make me automatically ugly? I don’t have to feel shame when my thin friends talk about being on diets and losing weight?
It’s okay to be what I am, regardless of how that is.
I’ve exercised til I wept. I’ve counted calories til I made myself neurotic. I’ve starved myself. I’ve snapped and binged and felt ill and been full of self-hate. I’ve judged myself harsher than anyone around me – and I’ve been around some pretty damn harsh judges. I’ve had people tell me, “You’d be so pretty if you lost weight.” I grew up hearing apologetic tsk-tsks because I took after my father’s overweight family instead of my mother’s tiny skinny family. I’ve avoided my reflection in the mirror for over a month. I’ve worn the same pair of pants til they could walk on their own because they were all I had that didn’t make me want to stab myself. I’ve sat in the kitchen, wondering if I could cut off my fat stomach without killing myself.
Seriously.
I’ve spent my life wishing I could be thin. And I’ve spent a damn lot of time and energy trying to be thin.
But you know what? It’s true. It is okay – in fact, it’s wonderful and great and glorious – to be what I am, whatever I am.
I am fat. I weigh in at 235lbs. I don’t hate myself when I look in the mirror anymore, nor do I struggle to get thin. I exercise for fun and because I like being healthy, and I unapologetically eat ice cream whenever I want. I travel. I go to the theatre. I wear stripy socks, I have tattoos, I have piercings, I occasionally have blue hair. I have a pair of obnoxiously yellow knee-high boots that are just a little too snug, but still utterly awesome.
I’m not over it. I’m not at a place where I can dance without feeling self-conscious. I still get teary when I struggle to zip my boots up over my calves.
But the seed has been planted and has started to grow. It’s okay to be what I am, regardless of how that is.
Yeah.
- Related posts:
- “The Body Sacred” – part two: My Sacred Body
- Many Colors and Flavors.
- “The Body Sacred” part three: on the lack of male in my life
- Fat! So?
- Body broken, heart broken.
Are you ready to stop reading about how to be awesome and start living it? Our 52 Weeks to Awesome e-course is open for registration! With a commitment of just an hour per week, you can be living an awesome life in 52 baby steps. What better time to start than now?
41 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Rachael on October 28th, 2009 11:46 am | link
I just bought that book a few days ago, and I JUST started reading it this morning.
Hello! Epiphany city! I already feel better and I am only about eight pages in. I’m short and relatively small, but I have baby weight leftover from being pregnant and so I beat myself up over whether or not I can fit into my smaller pants or smaller shirts. I have the same problem finding knee-high boots, and forget buying knee-high socks – HAHAHA, groan.
It’s much less stress and hate when I just eat when I’m hungry, eat what I like, exercise because it makes me feel good, and just buy a damn pair of pants that fits and makes my husband rawr at me. :)
Rachael´s last blog ..My Best Friend 
#3 Posted by Rachael on October 28th, 2009 11:47 am | link
(he rawrs at me anyway, but even more so when I’m feeling good about how I look.)
Rachael´s last blog ..My Best Friend
#4 Posted by 
Marissa on October 28th, 2009 12:06 pm | link
Applause, cheers and hugs!
I could write entire tomes about my own spiraling journey toward size acceptance, but suffice to say that I related to your stripey-socks and tall-boot frustrations, as well as to those flashes of realizing that “Hey, I AM just fine and awesome as I am!” I sooooo hear you.
And I want to echo what Ealasaid wrote above: “Rock on with your gorgeous self.”
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you LOTS.
Marissa´s last blog ..Monday Mashup #4: Eight Tabs (that are often open in my browser)
#5 Posted by Marissa on October 28th, 2009 12:09 pm | link
Going back to re-re-re-read the post, I realized I should just print this one out. It’s a keeper. (I’m taking something from the digital world into the paper world–and really, that says something about how much I appreciate it, because very items make that leap. lol)
Marissa´s last blog ..Monday Mashup #4: Eight Tabs (that are often open in my browser)
#6 Posted by 
K. Ledbetter on October 28th, 2009 1:11 pm | link
Literally, my favorite book. I have two copies, one to loan to people and one that’s falling apart and has been highlighted and flagged multiple times.
I cry every time I read it.
I’m so glad you’re suggesting it to people.
More women should be hearing what you and Dianne Sylvan have to say.
#7 Posted by 
Cricket on October 28th, 2009 1:12 pm | link
You are so beautiful all the time in every way no matter what size you are. I love you so super much :)
#8 Posted by 
Lydia, Clueless Crafter on October 28th, 2009 1:13 pm | link
Don’t EVER stop fighting for yourself. Honor the fight.
Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..A Ritual Exchange in New England
#9 Posted by 
Sonia Simone on October 28th, 2009 1:14 pm | link
Nothing I can say except “Fuck yeah.”
This is reminding me of my ex-husband, who, if I would so much as try on something with horizontal stripes, would say, “Um, horizontal stripes? Are you sure?”
Not the only reason he is my ex-husband, but it’s one of them.
Sonia Simone´s last blog ..What Makes Marketing Hard?
#10 Posted by 
Kathryn on October 28th, 2009 1:15 pm | link
Thank you for being sooo honest. We all appreciate that. I like to say that beauty comes from within, and I do believe that, but we all know the pressures we feel from the outside. I have crooked teeth. Yep, my parents didn’t have money to “fix” them. I am embarrassed & sometimes ashamed, sadly. But they’re what I have and I don’t want to be told to fix them. We are who we are and that’s ok. Walk tall sister. WE are all beautiful.
Kathryn´s last blog ..Giving Up to Get Better
#11 Posted by 
Tracy Tye Stephens on October 28th, 2009 1:34 pm | link
ROCK ON, Kyeli! Great post.
#12 Posted by 
R on October 28th, 2009 1:34 pm | link
Gods bless the internets, you can find Dianne Sylvan’s brillance at http://www.dancingdownthemoon.com I love her too.
#13 Posted by 
Sylvan on October 28th, 2009 1:41 pm | link
A wonderful post. Thank you so much for writing it. :) I’m glad to have been of help!
And, incidentally, I only just embraced my inner stripey sock girl, thanks to http://www.sockdreams.com so I’m right there with you.
Blessings of badassery!
#14 Posted by 
Yannori on October 28th, 2009 2:21 pm | link
Kyeli, first.. this is awesome! I’m third-forth-fifthing that ‘You Rock on with your Gorgeous Self’
And second, I wanted to let you know that I had (& sometimes still have) the same frustration over my own sacred body. I was disgusted and afraid of who I was inside because of what I looked like on the outside. I refused to wear stripy socks because I didn’t deserve to wear stripy socks. Who was *I* to wear stripy socks?! I mean just look.at.me!
But, one day I decided to become a freak, and join a freak revolution. And then I built a small freak revolution of my own (inside that freak revolution). And I love it. I can’t stop talking about it. It changed my body. It changed my view of men. It changed my life completely.
My freak revolution taught me to accept one part of my body (my butt, btw). And that led to another and another until I cascaded into loving every inch. So I say love your calves in yellow knee-high boots as much as you possibly can and soon the rest of you will follow! Because you are truly beautiful!
Yannori´s last blog ..Boots, Boas, & Body Strings Oh My!
#15 Posted by 
MaLinda on October 28th, 2009 2:30 pm | link
I’m about to rock the boat just a little.
I totally agree with your views on body image and being happy with who you are. And you absolutely are an awesome example of someone who struggled to get thin, realized that dieting and exercising yourself senseless was not making you happy and ultimately accepted yourself for who you are. And I applaud you for that just as much as your other commentators have done.
But, I noticed that you (and indeed, 90% of people who try to lose weight, so I’m not singling you out by any means) tried to change your weight by changing your habits. There is another way that doesn’t involve struggling to lose weight. I want to get back to the thin gal I used to be and am using appetite reducing and motivation post hypnotic suggestions to get there; I listen to sessions from two awesome hypnotists.
Absolutely effective, absolutely maintainable over the long term, no struggling involved.
You are awesome for accepting that struggling to change your habits is ineffective and choosing to love yourself for who you are. I just want to point out that there is another way to be. I’ll happily share the details of that way with anyone interested. :)
MaLinda´s last blog ..OCD – The Invisible Disorder
#16 Posted by 
Charlotte on October 28th, 2009 2:34 pm | link
Amen.
I REALLY need to buy that book. I’ve been “fat” all my life. There are pictures of me as an overweight 2-year-old. I was (literally) the poster-child for childhood obesity as a kid – to the point where my picture was the lead picture in a story called “Childhood Obesity: An Epidemic?” when I was 8. (October 1993 issue of Parents Magazine. You can look it up.)
It’s such a struggle. And I hate the assumptions people make about you when you’re fat – that you have no self-control, that if you just stopped eating so much you’d magically be thin, that you don’t exercise or care about your health. None of those things is true… and yet somehow it’s perfectly ok for people to discriminate against large people and make all kinds of hurtful remarks – when they wouldn’t dare do that to any other minority.
I know that most of the people who try to hurt you are hurt inside themselves – but sometimes that perspective just doesn’t help.
Thanks so much for the book recommendation. :)
Charlotte´s last blog ..In Defense of the Snap Decision
#17 Posted by 
KenkakuKnight on October 28th, 2009 2:35 pm | link
It must be noted before I start that I am in complete agreement with the message in this post. One should always be happy with ones body, regardless of the shape, size, weight, what have you. This is not me hating on this post, but just playing a little Devil’s Advocate.
I believe that everyone should be a little unsatisfied with how they look. Having a moderate amount of dissatisfaction can give a person the drive to experiment in hopes of finding a look that makes that person feel good about themselves, whether that means one tries a variety of clothes to find the perfect outfit, trying different diet and exercise programs to become healthy and slim down a small tad, or hitting the weights for more muscle definition (it’s not just the ladies that are affected by the media). That being said, one should always look to improve themselves however they can, and be happy and content with the rest.
Second, I believe it is wrong to lay blame on retail stores for not carrying the amount of plus size clothing they use to. I don’t believe they are intentionally making any statement at all about whether it’s bad or not to be overweight. It’s much easier for me to believe that they are doing what any successful company does: do what will give them the highest profit. It is really pop culture that should be the culprit, as that is what is shaping consumer’s mindsets. And that, ultimately, is what these companies are basing their practices on.
Again, please do not take my comments as flame. I believe, in order for progress to be made, that we must correctly and accurately identify the true causes, instead of targeting what is most convenient. I have great respect for your new found self confidence, and I hope you keep on rocking your own personalized style.
#18 Posted by 
Nathalie Lussier on October 28th, 2009 2:40 pm | link
Your are truly beautiful and wonderful just as you are right now! There is only the now, so why torture yourself with what could be and what might be and what should have been? I’m not saying that because I don’t torture myself, by the way. We all do for different reasons. (I tortured myself about my “bad skin” and “bad acne” for so long, it’s not even funny.)
I accept you the way you are, and I’m sooo happy that you do too! :D That’s where the magick is, methinks.
Lots of love & acceptance!
Nathalie
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..3 Halloween Treats for the Raw Curious
#19 Posted by 
Mary McRae on October 28th, 2009 2:53 pm | link
I’m right there with you, Kyeli! And you should either start knitting or find someone to make wonderful stripey knee socks for you that will fit you perfectly and not end up around your ankles. I would, if I could find some time to actually knit myself. Actually, if any knitters are reading this, this could be a great marketing opportunity…
Mary McRae´s last blog ..Thesis Theme for WordPress
#20 Posted by 
Jenny Berger on October 28th, 2009 4:10 pm | link
Man, I so have to get that book!
Btw, this article is exactly what my situation is when you add “and tall” to the mix. I weigh about 235 as well and I’m 5′10″. Whatever they’re not doing for fuller-figured gals, they’re going out of their way not to do for gals above 5′8″.
It’s getting harder and harder to be above average, in all ways, these days. I’d start my own plus-and-tall empire if I had a shred of designer in me.
So very good on you, Kyeli, for getting where you are now. You’re awesome.
#21 Posted by 
Leah/DefytheBox on October 28th, 2009 5:36 pm | link
I need that book.
I can really feel this post….you totally struck a cord with me. I have felt this way about my own body for most of my adult life. I have always bee too “big”. Not just fat…but tall and broad. I am bigger than most of the men I know. Which just added to things for me. My size became the scape goat for everything. I totally bought into the “pre-package belief” that fat was undesirable…or bad…or lazy..or not good enough….and I always felt like I was undesirable in so many ways.
About 7 months ago I read this awesome book called “Good in Bed” by Jennifer Weiner. It totally shifted the way I looked at myself. It made me realize that my making myself wrong for being “big” was the only thing that was holding me back in my life. So I have been working on that. I did decide to BELIEVE that my boyfriend thinks I am totally hot when he tells me so……and it has been getting easier to love my body.
The interesting thing was that once i stopped blaming my body for everything that did not work out for me, I actually had to own up to a number of things I did not want to look at.
Kyeli…you totally Rock and you deserve everything that you desire…. own it baby!
Rock On!
Leah
Leah/DefytheBox´s last blog ..Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy
#22 Posted by 
Kathy on October 28th, 2009 9:10 pm | link
Great post! I’m so happy that you’re finding your way to loving yourself as you are!
I’m going to order that book! Sounds like a must-read.
I just bought some sexy boots recently. And I’m starting to fill my wardrobe with clothes that I find to be sexy, cool, and expressive of my style. Even though I’ve been in fat pride for a long time — issues outside of fatness kept me from dressing in a way that really expresses me. I’m starting to get past that — and to have fun with fashion/style. So, I totally appreciate your yellow boots and occasionally blue hair — and anything else you want to do/wear to express yourself! I’m sure that you rock it all! Cheers! :))
Kathy´s last blog ..Mental Health Mishaps
#23 Posted by 
Michael on October 28th, 2009 10:05 pm | link
Great post and so right!
You, and everyone else, are ok just the way you are.
And just for some extra perspective, when I was in Singapore last I found a 1/4 page newspaper ad. You know the type, big headline, before and after photos. In the western world, these ads are for weight loss. In Singapore they are for weight gain! Instead of losing that last 10kg, they struggle to put it on. Different side of exactly the same coin.
Michael´s last blog ..All you can eat…
#24 Posted by 
Kath on October 29th, 2009 4:38 am | link
Welcome to the fatosphere! Yep, we’re out there blogging our hearts out saying all of the same things you have here, and talking about things that people like your Dianne Sylvan there are saying. And it’s growing. No pun intended.
Excellent post.
From a fatty who has tattoos, brightly coloured hair, striped socks, flirts and a whole host of other things that fatties aren’t supposed to do.
Kath´s last blog ..Fat Heffalump is Relocating
#25 Posted by 
Tanya on October 29th, 2009 8:36 am | link
You are gorgeous.
#26 Posted by 
Donna Deluso on October 29th, 2009 10:36 am | link
I wish I could have your attitude but know I never will. Celebrate breaking out of your chains and run naked down the street if you get the urge.
Donna Deluso´s last blog ..Beep Beep!
#27 Posted by 
Laurie Stewart on October 29th, 2009 11:27 am | link
going to the library today to hunt down that book….”‘I’m so with you my fat freaky queer sister”~……check this out http://queerfatfemme.com
Laurie Stewart´s last blog ..Morning Wednesday…bring it!!!!!
#28 Posted by 
Fabeku on October 29th, 2009 11:37 am | link
As a big guy I get this.
All of it.
While reading this, I nodded and teared up and laughed.
Because I get it.
And I get the whole life is for thin people stuff too. It’s painful and hard and unfair. And also totally untrue.
Thanks for this post. I so needed to hear it.
Fabeku´s last blog ..Sound Off #1: Shiny Golden Awesome (aka How To Pick A Singing Bowl)
#29 Posted by 
Dawn H. on October 29th, 2009 11:59 am | link
I am so glad someone from one of my groups posted the link to your blog. What an empowering post! Thank you for sharing your epiphany. My epiphanies come in waves, sometimes I believe them and in myself and other times it’s the same old tapes spewing negative fat hating BS in my head.
And stripey is a word! No, mean, ignorant people CAN’T use it because it would infer that they were open to new, fun and wonderful ideas.
Good for you! Big positive hugs to you to keep growing and keep believing in yourself.
#30 Posted by 
Trenia on October 29th, 2009 4:11 pm | link
Wow, truer words have never been spoken! And I completely understand the whole boot fiasco, I’ve lost 100lbs and I still can’t wear “regular sized” boots and that hurts. I’ve thought a lot about the points you made but I’ve never been able to articulate it in the way you did. Even though I’ve lost weight there’s still certain things I won’ t wear because I feel like I have to be a size 6 instead of a size 12 to wear them. We reserve so much in life for thin people, which is really ridiculous when you think about it, but we do it nonetheless. So thanks for the reminder that I can do and dress however I want!
Trenia´s last blog ..A Real Weight Loss Success Story
#31 Posted by 
Jaka Merriman on October 29th, 2009 5:26 pm | link
“I’ve exercised til I wept. I’ve counted calories til I made myself neurotic…[insert that whole paragraph here]…”
I’ve done all these things, too, and I’m considered “thin” by societal standards. I’ve spent most of my adult life agonizing over the way I look, all the while having people tell me I’m crazy. And it took this book to get me out of that hole. I know it sounds so cliche, but it’s really true. I re-read it every year to give myself a tune-up, so to speak, but I carry those messages around with me. Not every day is perfect and I’m not quite healed yet, but without Dianne Sylvan and her very honest stories and everything she’s shared with us, I’m positive that I’d be much much worse off than I am.
I’m so happy that you found inspiration and joy in this book and that it’s helping you with what should be the easiest revelation of all (yet comes so hard to so many). <3
#32 Posted by 
Fizz on October 29th, 2009 7:49 pm | link
I’m 5′8″, 278lbs, and beautiful just the way I am. It really makes me happy when other people realize they are too. Here’s how I got there:
I learned for the first time that “fat” really isn’t synonymous with “unhealthy.” There are diseases that we fat folks are less susceptible than our thin friends as well as vice versa. Ignorant people love to point out fat people who eat terribly and don’t exercise, but there are thin people who do exactly the same thing and are just as unhealthy. You just can’t tell from the outside! It’s the exact same phenomenon as happens to people whose age, disability, or ancestry isn’t visible from the outside–they don’t feel as much discrimination because people can’t tell that they’re different. If we even needed more evidence that all that stuff is bullshit, there it is.
When I dusted off my sewing machine recently, I got a fantastic book from the library about designing clothes for big sizes. It talked about the history of sizing models for clothing patterns, and how and why they’re ridiculously out of date and proportion for real people. Never once did it suggest that fat was a flaw to be overcome–on the contrary, it pointed out that since fat people take up more visual space and therefore attract more attention, we should give them something to look at! It also discussed the way certain design elements flatter different body types, always with the point that you should choose the ones that make you look good–not necessarily the ones that make you look thin.
I spent about a month tracking calories and limiting what I let myself eat. This was, numerically, effective–I think I lost about 15-20 pounds–but was a constant source of disappointment. Yes, my weight number was lower, but my body wasn’t any different (so I couldn’t fit into more/different clothes, which is most of why I cared), and I had to keep turning down things that I would have enjoyed. So I decided to do an experiment. I stop caring about how much I weigh, and start caring about how happy and healthy I am. If my size kept bothering me, I’d resume trying to change it. Perhaps needless to say at this point, I never looked back.
Last but not least, I was helped immensely by something I can take almost no credit for: awesome, respectful, supportive, and flattering lovers. I can tell myself that I’m sexy all I want in a vacuum, but when I get undressed and the person waiting in my bed just looks me up and down, broadcasting desire, I feel like the hottest thing in the world. I grew up honestly believing that the “normal” (ha) female body we see everywhere is the only kind that anyone else is attracted to. I was incredulous, and then delighted, to find out I was wrong.
#33 Posted by Bonne Vie - Wholestyle on the Web: Week of 10/30/09 on October 30th, 2009 4:47 pm | link
[...] Freak Revolution: “The Body Sacred” – Part One: The Body Stuff [...]
#34 Posted by 
Andy on October 30th, 2009 5:34 pm | link
there’s a difference between chunky and obese. thin isn’t healthy for everyone, and so many people have health problems (eating disorders, anyone?) from trying to be skinny when that’s not how their body was built to be. so long as you’re in reasonable health, eating decently, and get out of the computer chair every once in awhile, you’re pretty much okay. so what if you’ve got a little more padding? i hate cuddling with someone who’s all bones.
i was raised as a woman, and i was told all my life that i was “supposed” to be skinny. my body doesn’t work that way, so out that went with all the other BS gender stereotypes. turns out a lot of the crap our culture feeds us is just that: manure.
as someone who’s definitely round in the middle, i’d take someone who’s round-shaped over a stick figure any day. that way i don’t have to worry about snapping them in half if i get a little overzealous about hugging.
#35 Posted by Leah on October 31st, 2009 3:25 pm | link
I forgot to mention that Torrid.com is a great place to look for boots, shoes, and other kinds of funky sexy cloths that you can’t find in most regular store. I am sure that you could get some stripy socks there and a number of other fun stuff too.
Rock on Beauty.
Leah´s last blog ..More of this please…….Amplification Friday
#36 Posted by 
Oliver Danni on November 4th, 2009 1:22 pm | link
Whoa, I totally thought that I had commented on this post! But now I remember what happened. I think I was in the middle of commenting on the post, then flipped tabs from what I was writing to go put an interlibrary loan request on The Body Sacred, and then somehow never came back to finish my comment. And of course now I don’t remember what I said. I think it was something about how awesome Dianne Sylvan is, and that I pretty much have the same response to everything I’ve read of hers, and also that she’s a vegan. And I think she lives in Austin, too, so I hope you DO go meet her and befriend her!
And now I’m going to go put some pants on and go pick up my book which just arrived at the library!
Oliver Danni´s last blog ..
#37 Posted by 
Dee on November 4th, 2009 3:37 pm | link
I need this book.
I’ve been fat my whole life and now I’m obese enough to have aches & pains from it. I was nodding through this post.
I avoid buying clothes like the bubonic plague. My husband finally said “Enough! You cannot live in torn sweatpants forever!” and dragged me to Catherines. Wonderful women, women like me, helped me find clothes I actually like and look good in.
Now I just have to find a way to like myself enough to want to be healthy.
#38 Posted by 
Bridget Pilloud on November 13th, 2009 5:00 pm | link
I’ve been small and I’ve been big, and I’ve been places inbetween, and you know what, when I lost 80 lbs, I found things about my body that I really didn’t like. My disdain just moved to other places.
I realized that my body-shame had nothing to do with my size. It had everything to do with me not valuing myself. That was a different journey. Learning to love my body was a different journey than losing weight.
So when I am lying in my tub and looking at my rolling landscape, I don’t hate it anymore. I like it. I like that I’m soft.
I’m getting in shape because I like to tell stories and I run out breath before I run out story, but that’s a functional thing, not a form thing.
The form is fine, mighty fine.
The beauty of loving your body is that you start finding the imperfect perfection of other people’s bodies too. I used to be so critical. I like appreciating the bodies of the people around me, because everybody has something to appreciate.
Bridget Pilloud´s last blog ..Na-No-Intuit-Mo: Using your intuition to shush your critic
#39 Posted by 
Square-Peg Karen on December 4th, 2009 6:16 pm | link
Fantastic post! I’m saying – with singing with Sonia Simone: “Fuck yeah!” and also – like Bridget Piloud – “been small and I’ve been big, and I’ve been places inbetween” and to me – Cute is an Inside job!! got nothing to do with size…it’s how we love ourselves!!
Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Kick Ass for the Beloved #Best09 Book
#40 Posted by 
Mazarine on December 5th, 2009 10:13 am | link
Love and Acceptance!
I was having a conversation with my friend last night about fat people needing to buy two seats in an airplane. He was arguing for, and I, against it. I told him, “The world is designed for thin people! Why should fat people be penalized for being fat?”
He said, “They pay already by buying fat people’s clothes, if they are fat, make them pay for it, it’s their choice.”
I said, “Well, for some people, fat isn’t a choice.”
He said, “There’s no gland that makes you morbidly obese, like, 500 pounds.”
And I said, “I just don’t think fat people should be penalized for being fat. And you, you’re six foot three, haven’t you ever been in an airplane and felt it was too small for you?
And he said, “Yes, but I would pay more for 6 inches of more legroom.”
“And that doesn’t seem unfair to you?” I asked. “No, that doesn’t seem unfair to me.” he said.
“Huh.” I said. “I’ve been on airplanes, and I think I’m under 200 pounds, and I’ve felt, since I started riding airplanes at age 12, that the seats have gotten too small for ME, so, what’s really going on here is that airlines are trying to make more money by making the seats smaller.”
#41 Posted by Apples and Porsches » Blog Archive » Wholestyle on the Web: Week of 10/30/09 on March 5th, 2010 1:07 pm | link
[...] Freak Revolution: “The Body Sacred” – Part One: The Body Stuff [...]
#1 Posted by
Ealasaid on October 28th, 2009 10:14 am | link
PREACH IT! I may write “It is okay – in fact, it’s wonderful and great and glorious – to be what I am, whatever I am.” on a sticky note and put it on my monitor. I’m so glad you’re getting so much out of this awesome book! And that you reading it has prompted me to re-read it at a time when I so so so need to.
Wear your stripey socks! Wear your awesome boots! (I want to see a photo, they sound fantastic!) Rock on with your gorgeous self, Kyeli.
Also, my most recent blog post is a rant about weight stuff! Synchronicity. http://www.ealasaid.com/ego/2009/10/rant_why_scales_are_a_tool_of.html