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“The Body Sacred” – part two: My Sacred Body

by Kyeli on November 4th, 2009 @ 9:30 am in Connection Paradigm

Overwhelmingly touched by all the responses, on the blog, on twitter, in private, to my post about my body. So full, my heart overflows with love and compassion for so many of us that have been hurt and scarred and molded by the shoulds and supposed-to-bes.

I have been living in this skin for nearly 33 years, and I have never really looked at myself. Too fat, too scared, too ugly, too afraid of what I’d find.

Yesterday, I did. I stopped hiding from myself. I took out my mirror and my camera and photographed the miracle I call home, this body I find myself growing to know – and more, to love.

And here I am.

Curled up on the couch; I love sitting like this.

My breasts and arm.

My non-striped, boot-ill-fitting legs.

And my face. Just my face, just as I look all the time. Messy hair, not posed, not faking a smile, not using the ever-so-flattering-and-popular MySpace angle.

Just me.

I am awed by my body. Such a perfect flawless machine, such a beautiful vessel for spirit. My heart beats, my lungs fill and empty, my muscles respond. I blink. I eat and I poop. I cast circle, moving without thinking, letting magick fill my body.

My body.

So long neglected, so long unheard. So long have I feared and hated it, tried to squish it into the One True Shape™, betrayed it, and generally been utterly horrible to it.

Now, I will love it. Now, I will learn to work in harmony with my body, to more fully integrate, to stop punishing myself for not fitting into mainstream in yet another way. I don’t beat myself up for being gay or for being a Witch, so no more beating myself up for being fat.

It’s like a rhinoceros trying to be a unicorn. No matter how hard she diets or runs on a treadmill, it won’t work; she’ll always be the shape she is – and that’s perfect for a rhino.

My shape is perfect for me. Now, in this moment and in every moment, my shape is perfect.

And so is yours.

Related posts:

Have you read the Freak Revolution Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.

12 Comments!

#1 Posted by Megan M. on November 4th, 2009 10:39 am | link

Darlin, you are lovely and perfect and insanely brilliant. What a great fucking exercise — more than that, a great fucking determination in living your life. LOVE it.
Megan M.´s last blog ..Happy Halloween!

#2 Posted by Terri Fischer on November 4th, 2009 10:44 am | link

going to buy that book (and that tshirt!!!!). Except you’re not a rhinoceros, you’re a woman. And you’re beautiful. Good on you for sharing.
Terri Fischer´s last blog ..Ready Set Go

#3 Posted by Nathalie Lussier on November 4th, 2009 10:48 am | link

You are incredible, a beautiful shining human being! I love love love that you’re doing this, really looking without judgment. It’s so healing, I can feel the healing vibes through your writing. You are beautiful as you are my dear! *hugs*
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..What is The Master Cleanse?

#4 Posted by Lydia, Clueless Crafter on November 4th, 2009 10:55 am | link

You look just like your avatar! Funny that I pretty much knew what you looked like w/out the photos.

We must love ourselves to not hurt others.

PS I curl up on the couch the exact same way. All comfy cozy!
Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..The Homemade Halloween High

#5 Posted by Nicholas Haasch on November 4th, 2009 10:58 am | link

You caught me by surprise with this post.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Expose yourself for who you are! There is no shame!

This is you.
You are beautiful.
Every last part.

~Love~
Nicholas Haasch´s last blog ..The Urge to be Authentic (vs societal consequence)

#6 Posted by Cherry on November 4th, 2009 11:26 am | link

This is amazing. Unlearning body hate is an arduous process! Do you ever go to Fatshionista? I can’t recommend this blog enough. In addition to yours, of course ;)
(www.fatshionista.com) – some truly inspiring and thought-provoking posts about fat acceptance, body positivity, politics of the body, and why we are under no obligation to be attractive to the rest of the world.
xo
Cherry

#7 Posted by Lynnivere on November 4th, 2009 11:36 am | link

What a powerful post, Kyeli. Reading your words, feeling their vibration, seeing you BEing.. I felt flowing warm rivulets of energy throughout my whole body & my brain sparked & lit up in an unusual, albeit delightful way.

Working with naked people everyday, I often hear folks verbally abuse their incredible bodies. I used to feel sad & embarressed for them, not because I agreed but because they were so unhappy & dis-satisfied. Finally, I came to realize it’s a very deep issue, bone deep. Do we love & *support* ourself or are we resisting self.

Are we for us or against us? I am definitely for me & for you! *love*
Lynnivere´s last blog ..Porcine Paradise

#8 Posted by Tari on November 4th, 2009 11:52 am | link