How I’m learning to break the rules
by Johnny B. Truant on December 30th, 2009 @ 9:30 am in
Connection Paradigm
Tags: guest post
So I’ve finally realized why I like you freaks so much. It’s because you remind me in a very real way that a person can not toe the line, not follow the rules, not adhere to a dress code or a behavior code or whatever the fuck else… and still do just fine in this rather straightlaced society of ours.
Let me explain.
I’ve always been a pretty down-the-middle sort of a guy from all outside appearances. YES, I swear a lot and YES, I have some controversial perspectives on things and YES, I can be kind of “out there” in personality and sense of humor and whatnot.
But I have no tattoos. I have no body modifications. I’ve never dyed my hair an odd color, unless you count bleaching, once, in college, when I was “really crazy.”
Okay, so what? “Way to be surface level, Johnny,” you may be thinking.
But I’ve also never really bucked authority. I’ve never paid a bill late, or not paid it at all. I’ve never done something in a way that was patently WRONG according to every rule that our society has and then stood there and said, “Okay… so what are you going to do about it?”
And by now, you may be reading this and thinking that I have this perception of every reader of and contributor to this site as being a bunch of wild-haired, financially-welching anarchists who are ready to blow up the world. That’s not the case, but hear where I’m coming from: To this here rule-follower, who was always taught to do things in such-and-such a way OR ELSE, you are all reminders that the walls don’t come crashing down the minute one of those little arbitrary rules is broken.
The freaks of the world do things that are “wrong” by one commonly accepted rule or another.
The freaks of the world say, “I don’t agree with this. Let’s try it this other way, instead.”
The freaks of the world are more apt to ask WHY a rule is in place rather than just following it.
So this may all seem 1) really obvious and 2) naive and 3) like a super-shitty epiphany as far as epiphanies go, but for those of you who didn’t grow up in the world I grew up in, I’d just like to specifically enumerate some truths about the way “most people” believe. Really think about these, and really think about what’s behind them. Go deep. The sooner we can understand how to bridge the gap between freaks and line-toers, the sooner maybe this world can see some of that change we talk so much about.
Immutable laws of life:
RULE #1: You must act and appear in a way that others will like and accept.
Think really hard on this one. Because the knee-jerk reaction would be to say that the guy who wears a white shirt and blue tie to work is obeying this rule, whereas the girl with three nose piercings is not. But if the pierced girl’s circle of friends are all punks, then there’s a really good chance that she’s just adhering to the punk group’s rules about appearance and behavior, rather than simply doing what’s in her heart.
True individualism is wearing a white shirt and blue tie in a group of peers who have their faces tattooed, if it strikes you to do so.
True individualism is being in the Indie rock scene and admitting that you like Miley Cyrus.
Oh, and by the way, true individualism is also looking and acting exactly like the people around you — provided your motivations are truly your own internal thoughts and desires, rather than a sense of pressure to conform… even if what you’re conforming to is a dress code of nonconformity.
RULE #2: You must never, never, NEVER break an obligation… or else.
If you grew up in my world, you know that only a bad person would promise to do something and then not do it.
Sounds fair, right? We should all keep our promises. We should all honor our commitments. People who don’t are hypocrites. They’re assholes.
Well, that kind of thinking is all fine and good until you realize you’ve been doing a job that you hate because you told yourself you would. Or because you promised a spouse that you would. Or because you feel beholden to the company, that they’d be lost without you. Or because it’s what your parents want for you.
It’s all good until you realize that you’re stressed out of your mind because you’re holding on to a lifestyle obligation that is dragging you down, using up all of your time and not allowing you to see your family.
It’s all a solid concept, until you find yourself financially fucked like so many people in this recession, but you won’t cast off some ballast to save yourself because you’ve AGREED TO PAY. You look at a repossession as a horrible act, even though you’re drowning. A foreclosure is a massive failure. Bankruptcy is the ultimate tragedy. But if you let go? If you broke those obligations? Well, you’d be saving yourself — but you can’t do that because only criminals and super-assholes break their promises. It makes more sense to die a slow, painful death… while maintaining your integrity.
RULE #3: You must consume.
This, along with the tail end of Rule #2 above, has been on my mind a lot lately because I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of material about living life on a cash basis. Meaning: without using credit at all. If you can’t write a check or pull bills out of your wallet to pay for something, you don’t buy it.
Makes sense, right? Until you get deep into your head and you realize how deeply we’ve been programmed to consume.
We don’t need an apartment. We need a NICE apartment.
We don’t need books. We need a TV. Although, that’s not even right. We need a BIG TV.
We need an iPod.
We need a smart phone, because calls aren’t enough. We need email and internet, too.
I’m not advocating a stark life without any fun or niceties here, but I am saying: Stop and think about it. What if you didn’t have a phone at all? What if you lived in a stark space that was nothing other than warm and dry? Maybe you wouldn’t want to live like that, but could you?
Of course you could. And when you think about it, you know it without question. But on an emotional level, it never feels like that. So we buy and we buy and we buy and we buy. And we don’t even buy what we want. We buy what we are programmed to want.
Those are just a few rules off the top of my head. Dudes, I lived those rules. I still live those rules. We have our lives and our obligations, and then we have these rules that say what we’re supposed to do, and we accept them as immutable truth.
But I like freaks because they prove that you don’t have to play by the rules all the time. It’s not just your appearance, because I’m a freak in training and my appearance is pretty ordinary. What matters most is your attitude and actions. I do have a head start. I was a punk rock kid for a long time, but it’s easy to get sucked back in to the world of the normal.
Let’s take my hosts, the lovely Pace and Kyeli.
You’re supposed to pair with the opposite sex.
Well, what if we don’t?
If you were born a man, you’re a man forever.
Well, what if I’m not?
No matter what you do, you can’t get married that way.
Well, what if we do it anyway, and just don’t file the legal shit?
They’ve done so much “wrong.” But guess what? It all washes out. Life goes on. Nobody comes to the door to force them apart.
Then, after watching this example, you step back into my normal-guy shoes.
And you look at those two people, at their circle. And maybe, turning to yourself, you think about the dozen investment properties that you have in one of the worst markets in the nation, and you notice how you’ve been raping your future to find at least $2000 to throw at them each month, and you think of how the stress has to be taking years off your life. And you think about how, still, you have to find a way to keep them afloat because… because you made a commitment.
You have to.
Well, what if you don’t?
I’m just saying.
Johnny B. Truant is a generally deep-thinker who is somehow also a website guy specializing in Wordpress. In fact, he’s so incredibly cool that he’s setting up self-hosted Wordpress blogs for FREE until the end of December. You should totally read his blog and follow him on Twitter.
- Related posts:
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Have you read the Freak Revolution Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.
20 Comments!
#2 Posted by How I’m learning to break the rules : Johnny B. Truant on December 30th, 2009 11:57 am | link
[...] is a post I wrote for Freak Revolution, and it’s running there today in its entirety. I’m posting a teaser here because [...]
#3 Posted by 
Sean Oliver on December 30th, 2009 12:07 pm | link
I guess an interesting question could be, if you choose, what do you GET to do?
Sean Oliver´s last blog ..Have You Done Your Annual Review? 
#4 Posted by 
Rachael on December 30th, 2009 12:18 pm | link
Johnny! I grew up pretty much exactly the way you’re describing, and you are SO right about the epiphany that might not seem like much of any epiphany to the lucky people who already live on the edge of awesome.
It was a total revelation to me that I don’t have to do things just because my Mom happens to think I should. That I didn’t have to stay in a marriage that was horrible for my children and horrible for me, just because I thought I’d be a bad person if I got out. That we can have our Christmas at our own house, with just us, and not actually be a selfish asshole like my extended family thinks (haha).
Or that I can opt my kids back out of the public school system only months after I opted them back in. Or that my husband and I can BOTH work from home and neither of us has gone crazy or gotten the power shut off.
I could go on forever, but I won’t, because I think you get the point. :)
Rachael´s last blog ..Live Like Someone Is Watching You
#5 Posted by 
Sheila on December 30th, 2009 1:36 pm | link
Rule #1 I do follow to a degree, but in my own odd little way. I won’t wear my black velvet catsuit to an office job, but did wear my zebra striped shirt with a bright blue suit to my old job and nobody gave me trouble about it. (It helps to be a girl and have more clothing options.)
Rule #2 I follow as best I can, but with the understanding that agreements do not have to be broken when they can be renegotiated. Quitting a job (ideally with notice) isn’t breaking an agreement, it’s renegotiating it–I’m going to stop showing up, so you can stop paying me money now.
Rule #3, I break this damn rule all the time. Spending money I don’t have on stuff I don’t need in order to impress other people (who don’t actually care) is a concept so alien to me I’m not even sure how to relate to people who think that way.
#6 Posted by 
Deceth on December 30th, 2009 1:36 pm | link
I know exactly what you’re talking about. As an evil overlord, I can’t help but to want a giant laser like all the other overlords. But do I really need a giant laser? Would I be just as evil without one?
The answer is of course yes. I don’t need a giant laser. I can come up with my own original plans for world conquest. The freedom is exhilarating.
Deceth´s last blog ..Save the Battle City Server – Make a Donation!
#7 Posted by 
Trish on December 30th, 2009 2:33 pm | link
I think even those of us who see ourselves as freaks, can push our boundaries a little more. We all probably have “rules” we’ve placed on ourselves because we think we have to. But the first step is self-awareness, and you’re there. The rest is easy (ok, “easier”).
And I completely, COMPLETELY agree with Sean Oliver. Once you forget about what you SHOULD do, what DO you get to do? In our case, we get to live in the middle of the woods, with no mortgage breathing down our neck, and two parents who can take time off to be with their kid whenever they want (well, mostly). We get to live without credit card bills looming over our heads; and while paying the other bills is a challenge sometimes, the nice thing is, if you don’t give a fuck about “credit scores”, being a month late on your student loan payment isn’t the end of the world. It’ll get done.
Trish´s last undefined ..(Enjoy 10 returned posts for Christmas)
#8 Posted by 
Hayden Tompkins on December 30th, 2009 3:49 pm | link
If you’re a woman, you’ve have rule #1 reinforced since infancy. It’s hard to buck…REALLY hard to buck.
It takes a surprising amount of strength to step back and say “I am the most important person in my life. What I think matters“. You can’t rock rule #1 without that sense of self.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Rock 2010!
#9 Posted by 
Johnny B. Truant on December 30th, 2009 5:16 pm | link
@ Trish – The thing about credit scores is a really big revelation. Get this:
If you don’t ever buy on credit, your credit score means JACK SHIT.
Yet we’re taught to live and breathe by that fucking score. Like it’s a measure of your self-worth. Like if it slips, you’re a terrible person.
I’ve decided to stop using credit, which I mentioned in my recent “Cash is King” post. I have a house and have no plans to move soon, and when I eventually do, it’ll be when my current house is paid off, and I won’t get a loan for the next house.
A lot of people are in a similar situation, yet worry all night about their credit score. A payment is made late, and they get all nervous.
It so fucking doesn’t matter to a lot of people. We’ve been brainwashed.
Johnny B. Truant´s last blog ..How I’m learning to break the rules
#10 Posted by 
MaLinda on December 30th, 2009 5:43 pm | link
Simply Awesome! Truly, being an individual has a lot less to do with what you do, and a whole lot more to do with why you’re doing it. IMP, this post has significantly improved this blog. :D
What do we get to do? LIVE!! And when you live what you love, you quickly find peace and happiness without the need to surround yourself with expensive toys.
MaLinda´s last blog ..OCD – The Invisible Disorder
#11 Posted by 
Liz on December 30th, 2009 11:01 pm | link
I lived by all of these rules for much of my life. I had an epiphany about #2 when I was doing temp work in my mid 20s. I endured 6 weeks of the most god-awful job in the most horrific conditions for the crappiest pay in my entire working life. When I finished that job and went back to the temp agency for my next one, they were all impressed that I’d stayed the whole six weeks, even though that was the length of the assignment. Listening to them, I got that virtually no one else had stuck it out for the whole time. In that moment, I felt like a total idiot because I fell for that whole business about always honoring your obligations. I literally hadn’t realized that quitting was an option. I also got that you don’t get extra credit for sticking out a sucky situation, nor will the world fall in if you bail. Good lessons to learn!
Liz´s last blog ..Do-Overs and High-Fives… Kissing 2009 Goodbye!
#12 Posted by 
Andrew Lightheart @alightheart on December 31st, 2009 11:57 am | link
Major major lesson this year has been about permission – granting myself permission to do it my way, in the way that feels right.
There are so many orthodoxies out there – even (gasp) with new media.
And not necessarily mean-minded – just that people (we) feel that the way we’ve done it is the right way.
I was reminded by a friend yesterday that there is often more than one right way.
Huh.
Thanks for more permission to be a (quiet) freak.
Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last blog ..How to make sure you fight at Christmas
#13 Posted by Sheila on January 1st, 2010 9:33 pm | link
“If you don’t ever buy on credit, your credit score means JACK SHIT.”
Caveat to that, Johnny–if you don’t ever buy on credit AND don’t ever need to apply for a job with an employer that runs a credit check on you. Because, disturbingly enough, quite a few of them do these days.
Sheila´s last blog ..Word Art: Fire Meets Water
#14 Posted by Marvelous Monday! : Wicked Whimsy on January 4th, 2010 1:30 pm | link
[...] Great guest post by Johnny B Truant at Freak Revolution: learning to break the rules. [...]
#15 Posted by 
Jennifer "Scraps" Walker on January 14th, 2010 1:51 pm | link
LOVE the way you describe yourself as a freak-in-training.
As someone from that same world, it’s making a lot more sense why, in the last 5 years or so, as I’ve begun to live my life on my terms (even if it’s by baby steps), I’ve been drawn more and more to those who would be considered freaks (in the best possible sense of the word, of course!). The joke that I was the token conservative in the group was true but now, at least, I realize it was important that I was there, that I was making those connections (which I’ve sadly let lapse) and looking for the crack in that shell I was raised in, that I chose in many respects, to find the folks I wanted to be around. (*the rambling about choosing follow the path of the duck in the shell or trade the feathers for a prehensile tale has been redacted… it, apparently, only made sense in my head*)
Jennifer “Scraps” Walker´s last blog ..Doctor, Doctor 18
#16 Posted by Johnny B. Truant on January 14th, 2010 11:04 pm | link
It’s weird because now, the floodgates are open. I just keep doing crazier and crazier shit.
Once you break through the initial wall, disobeying becomes simple, and pretty freeing.
Johnny B. Truant´s last blog ..Three awesome things I’ve discovered that that you should absolutely check out
#17 Posted by You’re not normal : Johnny B. Truant on January 15th, 2010 9:17 am | link
[...] written a lot recently about the topics of being crazy, doing something crazy, and perhaps using Crazy Straws. But then, yesterday, three things happened [...]
#18 Posted by My Thanks to JT The Freak on January 27th, 2010 9:54 am | link
[...] wandering landed me on the Freak Revolution website and a post there titled “How I’m learning to break the rules” by Johnny B Truant. I found a note about Johnny at the bottom of his post that said he would [...]
#19 Posted by Is this another rule I should break? : Johnny B. Truant on January 29th, 2010 8:33 am | link
[...] I’ve written a few times lately about my revelations re: seeing through the bullshit and kind of noticing that the emperor who is supposedly standing there wearing his expensive new clothes actually has his ass hanging out. It’s occurred to me lately that society tells us that we’re supposed to do a lot of things that kind of really don’t apply to all of us, all the time, and that sometimes (maybe often), it’s okay and it’s cool and it’s best to break those rules. [...]
#20 Posted by I want to join Fight Club | Johnny B. Truant on February 11th, 2010 9:22 am | link
[...] slip into a lot of the themes I’ve been writing about lately, about doing something crazy and breaking the rules and being abnormal. I’ll let you make that connection for yourself, but… you know. [...]
#1 Posted by
Johnny B. Truant on December 30th, 2009 11:50 am | link
I’m commenting because I want to follow comments and have no idea where that “johnnyb@freakrevolution.com” email I’m listed under goes. Knowing P&K, I’m sure it would route right to me perfectly, but I like to dot my I’s and cross my T’s.
What? Stop staring at me like that.
Johnny B. Truant´s last blog ..Free Wordpress blogs until Thursday!