I am a terrible entrepreneur.
by Kyeli on January 27th, 2010 @ 9:30 am in
Connection Paradigm
It’s true. I’m a terrible entrepreneur.
I am terrible at doing things I’m not good at or don’t enjoy, like marketing.
I am terrible at not taking things personally.
I am terrible at working really hard for very long hours.
I’m terrible at working when I don’t want to work.
And I’m terrible, utterly utterly terrible, at pushing through.
All these things are good qualities to have when you’re an entrepreneur. It’s useful to be able to work when you don’t feel like it. It’s important to be able to let things people say roll off you – particularly when you become more successful and/or famous. It’s vital to be able to do things you don’t enjoy – like marketing. When you work for yourself, there’s no one else to do the things you don’t. If you don’t do ‘em, they don’t get done.
This is why I am the luckiest girl in the world, because I have Pace.
But that’s not my point today. Today, I’m talking about being a terrible entrepreneur.
Lots of things put me down for the count. Uterus acting up? No work. Friendship troubles? No work. Heartache? No work.
I’m incredibly bad at working when I’m not doing well.
The good side is, I’m good at doing well. I’m doing well a huge percentage of the time! That’s awesome – both for me and for work.
The bad side is, when I’m not doing well, neither is my blog. We’ll sit in silence and stare at each other for long periods of time (the cursor always blinks first). When my emotions are tangled, so are my fingers, and I can’t write. I get knotted up. I get tongue- and finger-tied.
My heart is too sensitive for such things.
I started out trying to learn how to toughen up. I wanted to desensitize so I could push myself harder, be more hardcore, so I could knock things off my to-do lists, so I could squeeze creativity out of myself regardless of how I’m feeling.
But how violent! How untrue to myself I was being! I’m sensitive. The more I learn about myself, the more true to my heart I am, the more sensitive I become.
And you know what? I love the way I am.
I’m still learning how to be effective and sensitive. There are ways, and I will find them. I don’t have to box myself or whip myself to be successful – quite the contrary. The more I box myself, the worse I feel, and the less I am able to get done!
Being true to myself is, by far, the most important part of my path.
Have you read the Freak Revolution Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.
7 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Rachael on January 27th, 2010 2:59 pm | link
I’m a terrible entrepreneur too, most days. And now I feel so much better about that. :D
Rachael´s last blog ..My Super Short Hair (Is Kind Of Weird) 
#3 Posted by 
Nathalie Lussier on January 27th, 2010 3:48 pm | link
Awww! Don’t they say that being an entrepreneur/having a business is the biggest personal development type of challenge you’ll ever face? I can definitely see how it applies in my life.
It’s not easy, but like you mentioned… you don’t need to squeeze yourself into that other way of doing things. We can be ourselves and still make it work. :)
Love you Kyeli! :)
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Mindful Monday: Unplugged Edition
#4 Posted by Silence « Off Trajectory on January 27th, 2010 4:27 pm | link
[...] Thankfully, Kyeli said it for me instead. [...]
#5 Posted by 
Archan Mehta on January 27th, 2010 11:39 pm | link
Kyeli:
It is a joy to read your blog. Thanks for your hard work. Please keep on writing.
Come on, cheer up. You are a good writer and have plenty going for you. Bless your heart. Those of us who cherish your writing are with you every step of the way.
You contribute and add value through the work you do and that’s just great about you.
Try to replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations. And you’ll be fine.
You have the support of so many of your readers and we wish you well.
In the end, things are going to work out for you just fine. You are going to pluck a star from the night sky and be cherry bright, shining like a red apple.
If you don’t like to do something, find something you like and follow your bliss. Just a few suggestions, that’ all, and try to cultivate hobbies. Be happy outside of work too.
#6 Posted by 
Julia on January 28th, 2010 1:10 pm | link
IME, trying to force something will eventually backfire. “Eventually” can be as short as 5 minutes or as long as several years, but it will happen.
I need a certain amount of structure to my day to get much done, and I’ve figured out how to use that structure to bolster my strengths, taking into account at what time of day I’m better at certain things, and at what time of day I’m not good at those things.
And the most important thing about that is, I do my best not to beat myself up when I can’t get things done. (There’s that violence thing again, and avoiding it is a lot more pleasant for me than inflicting it on myself!)
Being true to yourself sounds like the most constructive way to go about it. :)
#7 Posted by 
Michelle on January 28th, 2010 3:24 pm | link
I hear you, Kyeli! I’m shockingly sensitive to criticism sometimes, and when people don’t reply to my emails it sends me into a state of “omgtheyhateme”. (Neurotic much?) Neither of these are prrrrrobably good traits for an entrepreneur. Still working on them, I’ll admit.
Michelle´s last blog ..Marvelous Monday!
#1 Posted by
Michael on January 27th, 2010 1:45 pm | link
Ky, you are a font – it wells up out of you. When you are feeling good, you easily aim it where you will.
Nothing can stop the upwelling. You are sensitive, so WHERE your energy goes gets redirected (usually internally).
You don’t need to violently force a different direction. That internal flow may be exactly what you need. Trying to force it somewhere might even prevent it from doing anything useful, perhaps even pool it up negatively.
But your energy will continue to flow, and while you may not be able aim it, you can learn how to use the new paths it is on.
*hugs*