We hurt ourselves when we hurt others.
by Kyeli on January 29th, 2010 @ 9:30 am in
Connection Paradigm
So, there’s this episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation (stay with me on this) wherein Data is working with a scientist (Dr. Marr) to communicate to this giant crystalline entity that killed her son when Data’s brother Lore aided the entity in wiping out an entire colony. Dr. Marr hates Data because she thinks he’s in with the entity, too, since his brother was before. She makes her hatred no secret, insulting and threatening him and being quite cruel – all of which does not affect Data in the slightest, he being an emotionless android and all.
After a while, Dr. Marr realizes that Data is innocent and has the best of intentions to help her, and she comes to him to apologize for being so cruel. She apologizes, but Data reassures her that she didn’t hurt him because he has no feelings to be hurt.
Even knowing that, Dr. Marr apologizes many times. The pain on her face as she recalls her cruelty is obvious – and struck a deep chord within me.
She’s not apologizing to Data, not after the first time. She’s apologizing to herself.
We hurt ourselves when we hurt others.
Even though Dr. Marr couldn’t actually hurt Data, she tried – and in the trying, hurt herself.
We’re not meant for cruelty. We’re not meant for spite. Hatred is really fear, bubbling up and driving us to do and say things our hearts don’t resonate with, if we could hear our hearts over our racing screaming fears.
Deep down, we know we’re all connected – and we feel that connection in our emotions. Emotions are often shared; sadness passes around, joy can brighten others, misery is contagious. And when we’re hurtful to someone, we share in that hurt.
Deep down, we’re all connected. More than that, we’re all bits of the same stuff. Stardust. Spirit. Universal Oneness.
It is all the more important, then, to be kind to ourselves and kind to others.
- Related posts:
- I think I’ll wall off my heart.
Have you read the Freak Revolution Manifesto? It tells the story of why there is so much hurt and sadness in the world, and how we can heal through connection.
8 Comments!
#2 Posted by 
Marisa Birns on January 30th, 2010 11:51 am | link
I remember that Star Trek episode!
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato
Marisa Birns´s last blog ..The Woods 
#3 Posted by 
Raven's Star on January 30th, 2010 2:18 pm | link
Well see, I draw the line at any absolutism. If someone is trying to harm me, I will stop them by any means necessary, and that does NOT hurt me. But in general, yes, hurting others is a bad thing and leads to bad karma. I’ve had to forcibly defend myself before, however, and I have never had a regret nor suffered any bad consequence as a result. I think it is dangerous to teach anyone otherwise – it creates a class of wiling victims.
#4 Posted by 
Lynnivere on January 31st, 2010 12:27 pm | link
That’s it! Completely! Being kind to ourselves gives us the thoughtfulness & wherewithall to offer kindness to another.
Thank you.. Stardust Girl of Love.
Lynnivere´s last blog ..Whatever it Takes
#5 Posted by 
Michelle on January 31st, 2010 3:12 pm | link
Not only do we hurt ourselves with our cruelty, but we exhaust ourselves with resentment and irritation. Even bad feelings, not even actions, can hurt us.
Michelle´s last blog ..How to Write a Strong Personal Bio without Feeling like a Fake or a Braggart
#6 Posted by Marvelous Monday! : Wicked Whimsy on February 1st, 2010 8:05 am | link
[...] We hurt ourselves when we hurt others. [...]
#7 Posted by 
Leah on February 9th, 2010 7:41 pm | link
This is a good reminder.
I also find that people only treat you as good as you treat yourself……so being extra nice and loving towards yourself spill out over the people around you too.
Leah´s last blog ..Self doubt and being different
#8 Posted by Ramblings. « The Oriel on March 10th, 2010 6:46 pm | link
[...] We Hurt Ourselves When We Hurt Others [...]
#1 Posted by
Andy on January 30th, 2010 9:11 am | link
“We hurt ourselves when we hurt others. ”
I first came across this concept in the Wheel of Time books. The Tinkers, also known as the Traveling People or the Tuatha’an, follow a code of conduct called the Way of the Leaf.
“The Way of the Leaf?” Egwene said. “What is that?”
Aram gestured to the trees, his eyes fastened intently on hers. “The leaf lives its appointed time, and does not struggle against the wind that carries it away. The leaf does no harm, and finally falls to nourish new leaves. So it should be with all men. And women.” Egwene stared back at him, a faint blush rising in her cheeks.
“But what does that mean?” Perrin said. Aram gave him an irritated glance, but it was Raen who answered.
“It means that no man should harm another for any reason whatsoever.” The Seeker’s eyes flickered to Elyas. “There is no excuse for violence. None. Not ever.”
“What if somebody attacks you?” Perrin insisted. “What if somebody hits you, or tries to rob you, or kill you?”
Raen sighed, a patient sigh, as if Perrin was just not seeing what was so clear to him. “If a man hit me, I would ask him why he wanted to do such a thing. If he still wanted to hit me, I would run away, as I would if he wanted to rob or kill me. Much better that I let him take what he wanted, even my life, than that I should do violence. And I would hope that he was not harmed too greatly.”