I didn’t use to have body issues.
by Kyeli on April 12th, 2010 @ 9:30 am in
How To Be Awesome
I can remember being in grade school, playing with my friends, completely oblivious to being fat. It just wasn’t a big deal at all.
I remember being in 6th grade, being called “Fatso Lorino” for the first time in my life, and it breaking my heart. I didn’t understand what was so different about me – and since the kid who coined that oh-so-kind moniker was fat himself, it was all very confusing.
I remember being starting high school, being with friends, being out and public in theatre and choir, performing all the time, on stage singing and acting my heart out – never really thinking about how much fatter I was than anyone else.
I was certainly a misfit, an outcast. I knew people in my family didn’t approve of my body – but they didn’t like my hair, either, so whatever.
But somewhere along the way, it sunk in anyway. The prejudices eventually got to me. The constant onslaught of subtle clues that I was fat – and therefore, unwanted. Living in a thin-centric society was enough, let alone the barrage of messages from various well-meaning people in my life.
It all sunk in, and I developed body issues. My breasts are too saggy. My hips are too hippy. My stomach too rolly. My back too broad, my upper arms too waggly.
But I didn’t start out that way. There was a time when I didn’t know I wasn’t the “right” shape.
How about that?
- Related posts:
- “The Body Sacred” – part one: the body stuff
- “The Body Sacred” – part two: My Sacred Body
- “The Body Sacred” part three: on the lack of male in my life
- Body broken, heart broken.
- Valen’s Day!
Are you ready to stop reading about how to be awesome and start living it? Our 52 Weeks to Awesome e-course is open for registration! With a commitment of just an hour per week, you can be living an awesome life in 52 baby steps. What better time to start than now?
10 Comments!
#2 Posted by Lost in Translation » Water off a duck’s back on April 12th, 2010 12:01 pm | link
[...] by this post by Kyeli. Categories: All About Me, Personal Development Tags: Personal, Personal Development [...]
#3 Posted by 
Rachael on April 12th, 2010 12:12 pm | link
I remember the first time I started worrying about what I looked like; that was around age thirteen, when I noticed how hard my Mom was working to remain fit and thin. She would go jogging even when she hated it, talk constantly about what size pants she was wearing, and tell me that I had ‘my Grandma’s fat knees’.
Such good food for thought, Kyeli. *hug*
Rachael´s last blog ..[DWH] It’s Day Six:The Day I Changed The World. 
#4 Posted by 
Oliver Danni on April 12th, 2010 1:26 pm | link
Wow…that’s intense. I don’t think I’ve EVER not had body issues. I think for me, just the fact that I have a body at all is overwhelming on some level. It’s certainly gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and internalized more messages from the pervasive cultural paradigm of body-hate, but I really can’t remember there ever being a time when it wasn’t there at all, and my memories go back pretty far.
Oliver Danni´s last blog ..
#5 Posted by 
Amy on April 12th, 2010 4:34 pm | link
God, body issues seriously suck. I am the all time ultimate fighting champion of yo-yo dieting.
Where are you at now? Do you accept it or fight it? What do you do with the “But it’s just not healthy!” comments that fat-shame in a way that is “acceptable” because it’s guised in “concern?”
#6 Posted by 
Nathalie Lussier on April 12th, 2010 5:11 pm | link
Oy body issues. I hear you, and I feel you. I know it might seem silly, but I actually had issues with being too skinny growing up. I didn’t have hips, or breasts, or anything very girly… and maybe that influenced me on more than one level (like going into a male dominated field like programming, for example). We all seem to be a little shaky when it comes to our bodies, no matter what size… maybe it’s a matter of just accepting ourselves, and no taking other people’s body-issues into our psyche. Since a lot of name calling is definitely based on low self-esteem.
Stepping off my soap box now. You’re a smart lady, and you know how to take care of yourself. :) *hugs*
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Mindful Monday: Spring Edition
#7 Posted by 
Annie Stith (Gr8fulAS) on April 12th, 2010 8:42 pm | link
Hey, Kyeli. You, too, eh? I have plenty of body issues, all from different angles. First were the messages beaten into me by my father about how ugly and fat I was. Those are the easy ones to deal with because they’re direct. It has been much harder to deal with, say, the messages from Mom, shaped jut like me, always on a diet and always bingeing when her cravings got strong. Hot fudge sundaes and triple cheeseburgers. Then there was that I was an ardent swimmer. Lived in water all summer. Joined swim teams. Well, because I worked out, I’d lose weight. Then when the season stopped, I’d gain it all back. The guys in HS used to wonder (loudly) if I stuffed my bra because I had two different bra sizes.
Now, tho, I’m OK with my weight and my shape. My last ex made a comment about the flaps of skin on my belly, and I did my own version of a belly dance. And then there was a serious conversation about respecting how all bodies are different. :)
Now, if I could just get my body to spontaneously heal…
#8 Posted by 
Dunstan on April 13th, 2010 2:14 am | link
Dear Friends,
I grew up as an athlete and for me my esteem was linked to being able to run or ride my bike faster than the next person. I usually could and that fed an egoic sense of superiority.
I guess we all have our issues in one form or another…
The Work of Byron Katie has been a brilliant tool for me to work on some of my adopted belief systems. She has a book called ‘Loving What Is’ and has said:
“No one can be too fat or too thin. That’s not possible. It’s a myth. It keeps you from the awareness of what is.”
There are also some gorgeous videos of a lady working on this issue:
Part 1: http://www.thework.com/video_fat.asp
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZAPVfj32Oc
I’d love to hear how you all find it.
You can find out more about The Work at http://www.thework.com – I find it to be simple and effectve. It hinges around getting an awareness of our beliefs and how they serve (or don’t serve) us. It is pretty much what Kyeli is hinting at ie there is no problem until we adopt a belief that isn’t true eg ‘I should be thinner.’
Love and Truth to y’all,
Dunstan
Dunstan´s last blog ..Our Deepest Fear
#9 Posted by 
Julia on April 13th, 2010 9:23 pm | link
This is where I wonder if I should be defending the tummy tuck, or just showing the end-of-pregnancy picture, describing what happened to my body, and what my biggest problems with it were (which the surgery fixed, I’ll give it that).
What I learned from the tummy tuck is, liposuction sucks. What’s left behind is bruised and it doesn’t look like anything was lost there for awhile, because of swelling (or maybe it would look like something was lost if a lot more were removed, but it still wouldn’t look accurate for awhile because of swelling). And as things were healing up right under the skin, there was itching. Sensations that feel like skin itching on the inside are not my idea of fun.
Fixing what the pregnancy messed up was a good thing. Molding the rest to some “ideal” was less than fun.
(My biggest body issues now have to do with balance, metaphorically speaking, rather than anyone telling me from the outside that my body sucks for whatever reason. I’ve internalized a bit of the prevailing culture, and a bit of the reactive culture, and each has something negative to say about my body the way it is now, at least in my head. At the rate things are going, I’ll probably be OK with it in another 7 or 8 years. Hey, something to look forward to!)
#1 Posted by
Chris Anthony on April 12th, 2010 11:57 am | link
I can just barely remember not being made fun of for my weight. Then we moved, just before my sixth birthday, and I was the New Kid, and Young For My Grade, and A Little Pudgy… yeah.
<3
Chris Anthony´s last blog ..On horses