I’m more marginalized than Fermat’s Last Theorem
Hi! I’m Pace. I’m a total freak. I’m a bisexual lesbian poly kinky pagan transgender unschooler gamer geek. And to top it off, I really like that one Britney Spears song.
I win at life!
The first half of my life reads like a boring success story. Graduated with honors from a fancy-schmancy college, landed my dream job doing artificial intelligence research, gained the respect of my peers, made buttloads of money, and hoarded up a nice fat life savings.
I was winning at the Life Game. I had a really high score! I was totally winning.
So why did I feel so empty?
Fast forward to today.
Now I’m listening to my heart and following it wherever it leads. That not-so-big-anymore not-so-fat-anymore life savings is paying the bills while I make my dreams into reality. But I don’t care about my score at the Life Game anymore. It’s an addictive but stupid waste of time. (Kinda like Bejeweled.)
I don’t care anymore because I’m full. I’m so full I’m overflowing.
What changed?
I slowed down.
I sat for a moment in silence.
In the stillness, I heard a soft, quiet voice.
It was my soul.
She was lonely, and wanted to talk.
Finally, I started listening.
Finally, I found something worth believing in.
Scared and alone.
I looked around frantically for someone to share this revelation with, but no one wanted to listen. Everyone was busy playing the Life Game.
“Let’s change the world!” I shouted. They shook their heads sadly and replied, “Silly girl, you change the world by playing the Politics Game.”
“Let’s start listening to our souls!” I shouted. They shook their heads sadly and replied, “Silly girl, you listen to your soul by playing the Religion Game.”
I felt scared and alone. I gave up for a long time, because I didn’t know what else to do.
But I’ve finally figured out what was missing. I was talking to the wrong people.
Let’s fix that, shall we?
Hi. Nice to meet you.
About Kyeli
I’m Kyeli (not Kylie, though it’s pronounced the same). Witch, lesbian, freaky, geeky, I am magick and science and technology, spirituality and stardust and love. Scared and brave, smart, silly, loyal, tough and fierce, soft and gentle. A tangle of joy and fear, sorrow and glee, I embody the change I want to see in the world.
I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am a freak. I am divinely human.
A few interesting factoids about me:
I believe in faeries. Live with a bunch, in fact.
I have several tattoos and a few interesting piercings. Yes, you can see them.
I have a ridiculous passion for knee-length (or higher) stripy socks.
Why am I here?
I’ve always been different. I lived a sheltered childhood, shuffled from one place to another, always surrounded by newness and always being a misfit. I often wondered when my gypsy clan would show up to claim me, because I certainly couldn’t belong to my parents.
I spent my childhood bewildered by the loss of sparks in those around me. I still played long after my friends outgrew play, still clapped for Tink, still heard the bells of Santa’s sleigh. I wandered the halls of my high school whispering to faeries only I could see. My heart beat to her own drum, too loudly to ignore. I never grokked in fullness the ways of the “real world” - the real world was a place I never belonged.
I often felt alone, the only one of my kind; a bright rainbow girl in a world of grey.
Eventually, to stem the pain of loneliness, I became an empty shell. I fell into abusive relationships, filling myself with whatever my friends or partners needed. I grew full of self-hate and fear and sorrow and loss - grief at what I’d been and buried. I spent a decade like that, with my rainbow stripes muted to streaks of grey like rain on a dark window, my loud proud drumbeat silenced.
And then I revolutionized myself.
Slowly but surely, I started learning, growing, changing. Talking instead of hiding. Once I started talking, I started listening - to myself. I did a lot of self-work. I did a lot of life work. I went from horrible to good, from good to great, from great to awesome. I made strong and healthy connections with people. I learned fierceness and found my boundaries and learned to defend them. I filled myself back up with bright brilliant colors and that drumbeat started pounding again.
And now we’re going to revolutionize the world. It needs a little work, don’t you think? Doesn’t it feel like muted streaks of grey, like all our drums are silent? Listen - those drums aren’t silent. They beat. They strain to be heard. We’re not meant to live this way, in virtual cages with clocks that demand attention from birth to death and no time to breathe or dance or sing. We’re meant to all be rainbows in our own color schemes, sparks and fires and rapid rivers and shooting sprouts.
About Us
The two of us, being both girls and lesbians, found ourselves with a mutually favorite pastime of talking. One afternoon, we were blinded by science the overwhelming desire to take what we love and find a way to make it into a living.
Pace is a big explainator and Kyeli loves telling stories, so with our powers combined, we created Captain Planet! Wait, wrong show. We created our business, started our blog, wrote a book on communication for interpersonal relationships, and are ridiculously excited about helping people.
Then we found an amazing thing: the more we grew, the more we learned, and the more we changed ourselves, the more we wanted to change the world. So we took our knowledge and our passions, mushed everything together, and started the Freak Revolution. We’re now helping freaky people change the world by teaching connection, personal growth, communication, and empowerment.
We hope you join us - we can’t do it alone.
Feel free to get to know us better! Follow us on Twitter (we’re @PaceSmith and @Kyeli) or come hang out with us on the blog.
