The way to have a 100% perfectly reliable memory is to have a 0% completely unreliable memory.

If you trust your memory and treat it as reliable, you can improve your memory up to 90%, 99%, even 99.9% accuracy. But you will never reach 100%, because the human brain is simply not capable of that. The only way to reach 100% accuracy is to stop relying on your brain and start relying on a trusted system.

Brains are squishy.

Brains are great at lots of things, but they’re not clockwork. If you want perfection, you need a machine and a routine.

Did you forget someone’s birthday? Set up an automatic reminder to email you.

Did you forget to buy soy milk at the grocery store? Make a list and cross things off.

Did a deadline sneak up on you for your current project? Put your deadlines on a calendar and make a habit of looking at the calendar each work day. (A never-looked-at calendar is worse than none at all.)

Got stuck paying late fees on the rent? Set up a monthly reminder.

A machine and a routine

The first step to never forgetting anything again is to set up a machine. Your machine can be an actual machine (like a computer), a calendar, a list, or anything reliable outside of your own head. (Scrawling messages in the dust on a windy day is not recommended.)

The second step is to establish a routine. Create a habit of looking at your machine. If you forget to look at it, you’re back to relying on your memory again, and that’s fallible. But if you get into a routine, it will happen automatically after a while. We are creatures of habit.

My machine and my routine

For my machine, I use two things: Google Calendar (with email reminders) and a to-do list (which happens to be on a private wiki).

For my routine, I regularly check my email at least twice a day (which ensures I read gcal’s email reminders) and I check my to-do lists at the beginning of each work day.

I have a few other routines, too. To remember to do the dishes, I created a habit of doing the dishes every day after dinner. I sometimes forget, though — I haven’t made a perfectly reliable routine out of it yet — so, starting today, I’m going to go into the kitchen every day after dinner even if the dishes don’t need to be done. That way it’ll become a habit instead of relying on my memory.

You can’t form habits by doing things sporadically. The only way to form reliable habits is to do things regularly.

I’ll sometimes leave random reminders in my path, too. If I want to remember to bring something with me when I leave the house, I’ll put it near the door. If I want to bring my computer and microphone (because I’ll need it later for a teleclass) into the next room, and it’ll take two trips, I’ll bring my microphone first, because if I get distracted in the other room, I might forget the microphone, but I’m not going to forget my computer because I’ll realize it’s missing as soon as I sit down at my desk.

Don’t trust your brain, but don’t beat yourself up.

Here’s the most important part, because it will ensure that you reach your goal of 100% reliability.

Whenever you forget something, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t just say, “I’ll do better next time.” Instead, figure out a way that you can remember it in the future, without trusting your brain. Use a machine or create a routine.

The path to perfection winds through the flats of feeble-mindedness

Whenever I want to remember something, I never say “Okay, I’ll remember that.” I treat my memory as a Siren singing me to my doom. Instead I say “Let me write that down,” and I either write it down on my to-do list or put it on the calendar. If I’m not near my to-do list or my calendar, I write it on the back of my hand (I make sure to always have a pen handy) and transfer it as soon as I’m able.

Only by learning to treat your memory as completely unreliable can you never forget anything again.

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you’ll know that one of the big things I work on is deepening the connection between my head and my heart.

My internal dialogue talks so loud I can hardly hear my heart.

Yap yap yap, yammer yammer yammer, blab blab blab. Constantly chattering away to myself, constantly remarking on everything and analyzing everything.

Once, to show Kyeli how very chatty my internal dialogue is, I gave it voice. I narrated every single thought that went through my head, including reading all the street signs. Of course, this slowed it down a lot, but it gave her a much clearer picture of what it’s like inside my head. Two words: VERY NOISY.

During Iron Pentacle class, there were several times my internal dialogue would shut up. Some of them were obvious; when we were doing a ritual, a trance or meditation, or another sort of magick. But I also noticed that my internal dialogue had quieted during one of the discussions, which is exactly when it’s usually most active. Talking makes me talkier inside.

It was because I had taken off my glasses.

I have this automatic reading thing. I read everything that enters my field of vision. I’d say it’s obsessive or compulsive, but it doesn’t even enter the realm of consciousness. If you look at a TV and I ask you what shape the screen is, you’ll say “rectangular.” If I ask you to look at the TV without analyzing what shape the screen is, I doubt you’ll be able to do it. It’s automatic and happens below the level of consciousness. It’s the same for me and reading.

When my brain sees words, it automatically focuses my vision on them and reads them. This produces a piece of my internal dialogue, a not-too-interesting narration of signs, book titles, and labels. Given that I can’t read anything without my glasses on, it’s no wonder that I associate internal dialogue with my glasses!

When I take my glasses off, it’s quieter inside. Not just the narration, but the analysis, the worrying, and the round-and-round circling quiet down too. I’ll remember this, and be sure to take my glasses off when I want some internal peace and quiet.

But even more importantly:

The glasses are just a symbol.

Yes, there’s a historical reason why my glasses came to be associated with internal dialogue. But that doesn’t matter anymore, because at this point it’s Pavlovian. You ring the bell, I drool. You put on the glasses, I mindchatter.

Our primal selves, our animal selves — they respond to symbols. They respond to repeated actions. You have a hard time concentrating? Do something specific (create a symbol or anchor) each time you settle down to a quiet place in a clear mental state. For instance, spread your arms wide and sigh deeply. After a while you’ll be able to evoke a clear mental state simply by spreading your arms wide and sighing.

You can switch the cause with the effect.

How’s that for empowering? (:

I’m working on developing the habit of being happy. Experience has shown me that being happy is something you can practice and become better at. To help me make a habit of being happy, I’m working on several supporting habits.

1. Drinking more water. I’ve noticed that I often feel “cottonheaded” when I’m feeling grumpy, depressed, or overwhelmed. My eyes feel like they’re set back a little further in their sockets instead of being at the forefront, my thoughts feel like they’re slogging through mud, and my head feels like it’s wrapped in cotton. I move and react very slowly and become incapable of solving problems that require creative thought. Then, as soon as I have a glass of water, clarity returns. So I’m taking a page from Kyeli’s book and trying the eight-glasses-a-day thing. Except that I’m trying to drink eight 16oz glasses a day instead of 8oz glasses, so that’s quite a lot of water. My bladder is having a hard time adjusting and I’m making lots of bathroom trips, but Kyeli tells me it gets a bit better in a couple of months. Being hydrated is a major help! I’m much happier and much less cottonheaded when I’m well hydrated. Keeping a bottle of water in my purse has helped a lot in keeping the habit going.

2. Eating healthier. Again inspired by Kyeli, I’m doing a 30-day trial of being vegan. I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time, but that doesn’t mean I was eating well. I ate lots of cheese pizza and other such foods high in carbs and loaded with cheese. Eating heavy meals often led to me feeling lethargic and cottonheaded, and that’s been happening a lot less since I’ve been vegan (and actually eating vegetables!)

3. Eating smaller meals more often. This has required some logistical changes in my routine, but helps a lot in avoiding the food coma after a big meal.

4. Avoiding caffeine. I didn’t really intend to do this, but since I’ve made these other changes in my habits and lifestyle, I’ve found that I haven’t been as sleepy and lethargic, except on Mondays when I wake up at 5:30 for Toastmasters. I haven’t really needed caffeine, so now that I’ve noticed, I’m officially making it part of the 30-day trial too.

5. Exercising 3 times a week. I’ll play Dance Dance Revolution (actually Stepmania or In The Groove) on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for at least half an hour, and I’ll pay attention to how I feel on those days versus the other days.

6. Slowing down. Enjoying the journey.

7. Tasting my goals. Remembering the passion that fired me to choose this path in life.

8. Asking for help. Kyeli asked me for a list of things she could do to cheer me up if I’m feeling down or depressed and she wants to try cheering me up. Happy music, a yummy snack, a walk outside, a shoulder rub (I often store my stress in my shoulders), making me laugh, or any of half a dozen other things can cheer me up, and then as soon as I feel cheery I remember that I enjoy being cheery. (: It’s enough to get me out of the rut I’m stuck in.

So far it’s been going really well. I’ve been feeling a lot less cottonheaded, down, stressed, and unmotivated, and feeling a lot more happy, slow, and lighthearted. At the end of the month I’ll let you know how the 30-day trial went. I’m feeling pretty darn good so far. (: