Each week we’ve been giving away the next chapter of our book for free, and this is the last one! Scroll down for a special end-of-the-book present!

Chapter 34: Endings

What if we told you that there is a simple, extremely effective way to make your days better, your relationships smoother, and unpleasant experiences more bearable? What if we said it doesn’t require any willpower or study and very little practice? Wouldn’t that be a great way to end the book?

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 34: Endings (web page)

That’s it! That’s the entire book!

34 weeks, 34 chapters.

You’ve read along for two-thirds of a year, and now, at long last, it’s complete. As we promised 8 months ago, we’re releasing the PDF version of the e-book today! This is the exact file that was used to create the tree book.

Here’s the present! Download the free Usual Error e-book!

Download, share, and enjoy! (PDF, 10MB)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 33: Teasing

Teasing is a common element in communication, even among adults. Let’s take a closer look at teasing and find out what is actually going on.

Stephanie’s Example: Don’t Tease My Hair!

Stephanie gets a perm. It looks odd and frizzy. She asks her friend Alice’s opinion, and Alice says, “It looks like you stuck your finger in an electrical outlet!” She laughs, then says, “Just kidding.” But despite that, Stephanie’s feelings are hurt. Alice gets annoyed; after all, she was only teasing. “What’s wrong with you, Stephanie?” Alice retorts. “Can’t you take a joke?” Alice turns to her other friends for support and they band together to defend Alice. “You’re so sensitive, Stephanie! Alice was just teasing; she didn’t mean anything by it!”

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…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 33: Teasing (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 32: Rephrasing things positively

The words we use to describe our lives affect how we perceive our lives and thus the quality of our lives. You can improve the quality of your life by choosing to rephrase things positively. In particular, we’ve found that rephrasing obligation words, limitation words, and violent words has significantly improved our happiness, and we’re going to show you why and how.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 32: Rephrasing things positively (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 31: Knowing is half the battle

You can’t solve a problem unless you first know it exists. Often when we discover a problem, we react with dismay. We say, “Oh no, now there’s this new problem!” and feel worse than we did before we discovered it. That’s not the whole story, though — you can’t solve a problem unless you identify it first. Knowing is half the battle.

Take a look at the illustration. This is what we call the Hill of Discovery. On the far left are the Flatlands of Stagnation. The steep drop at the end of the Flatlands is The Cliff, which leads down into The Pit. After that is the rough climb up the Hill of Discovery, leading up to the Plateau of Happiness.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 31: Knowing is half the battle (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 30: It’s okay to have problems

Here’s another incredibly harmful lie we tell ourselves: we must be perfect to be desirable. If we’re flawed, we feel like no one will want us around. This fear makes us do what we can to hide our flaws, our pain, our troubles, our problems, and try to show the world a perfect face. This lie is powerful and insidious.

We have bought into this lie so deeply that we will often hurt ourselves internally rather than deal with the situation that’s bothering us.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 30: It’s okay to have problems (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 29: “That makes me really happy!”

Have you ever noticed how much we focus on the negative? Think about it: when someone asks you how your day went, it may be hard to remember all the good things that happened to you. They fade into the background. On the other hand, any rough or stressful thing that happened that day will linger at the forefront of your mind, coloring your perception of the day.

Readers of blogs or online journals will know what we’re talking about when we say that people are far more likely to write about the bad things in their life than the good. People often describe their journals as unintentionally displaying a one-sided, negative view of themselves.

Negative things vibrantly stand out in our minds and memories. There is a sound evolutionary reason for this: the person who clearly remembers their experience with the poisonous berries or the unpleasant events that occurred when wandering too close to a tiger’s lair is more likely to avoid them in the future, thus increasing their chances of survival. As such, we have evolved with a part of the brain that is sensitive to negative emotions, called the amygdala.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 29: “That makes me really happy!” (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 28: Verbal aikido

Do you ever feel attacked by someone? Not punched or kicked, but attacked with words, expressions, or emotions? We certainly have. In this chapter, we’ll explain how you can take the principles of aikido, which deal with physical attacks, and apply those same principles to verbal attacks as well, using verbal aikido.

There are six basic ways to respond to a verbal attack.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 28: Verbal aikido (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 27: Reflection

Communication is a tricky process, fraught with the peril of misunderstanding. Successful communication requires four separate steps. To illustrate, imagine that you and your friend Daniel are having a conversation; Daniel talks and you listen.

Step 1. Daniel has a concept that he wants to express. He translates this into words.

Step 2. He speaks the words.

Step 3. You hear the words.

Step 4. Based on your interpretation of the words you heard, you make your best guess at the concept Daniel had in Step 1.

Any one of these four steps can go wrong. Step 1 could go wrong if Daniel fails to capture his intent accurately with the words he chooses. Step 2 could go wrong if he accidentally stumbles over his words. Step 3 could go wrong if you mishear the words he spoke. Step 4 could go wrong if you incorrectly guess Daniel’s intent or meaning.

With all these possibilities for error, it’s a wonder successful communication ever happens at all! One way to make communication more successful is to add a Step 5: Reflection.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 27: Reflection (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 26: What do I get out of being right?

Our desire to be right can cloud our judgment. It can make us act harshly, unfairly, or angrily. It can even make us follow through with something we no longer want to do, simply so we can feel right. At times like this it helps to ask yourself, “What do I get out of being right?” The answer might surprise you and you might end up making a decision that will make you happier in the long run.

As with most things, it’s a matter of perspective. We’re taught that being wrong is bad and shameful. We learn to maintain an illusion of infallibility even when we’re insecure on the inside. It’s no wonder we get attached to being right — or more precisely, to being perceived as right.

…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 26: What do I get out of being right? (web page)

Each week we give away the next chapter of our book for free. We hope you enjoy it! Here’s this week’s chapter:

Chapter 25: The lollipop

The lollipop is a metaphor we use to explain the nature of expectations, attachment, and disappointment.¹ We’ll illustrate it by comparing and contrasting three stories.

Claire’s Example: A Baseline

Claire has a lollipop. It’s about two hundred licks of tasty lollipop. So she’s standing around, licking on this lollipop, and eventually it’s gone. She’s eaten the whole lollipop, so now all she has left is a stick. She feels pretty happy; she enjoys lollipops, and she’s finished a good one. She feels content.

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…and here’s the rest:

• Read The Usual Error ebook, Chapter 25: The lollipop (web page)