I like to let you know when we’ve reached the end of a series, so ta-da! We’ve reached the end of the Wedding Wednesday series. Before we move on to Honeymoon Hump-Days (oy, I need a better title for that), we’ve got a surprise in store for the next few weeks!

But even before that, I wanted to give specific thanks to everyone who made our wedding into the unforgettable faerytale day that it was.

Heather: we would have totally fallen apart without your help, omg. Unbelievable. You did so much for us and kept us going and really made everything happen while keeping us as unstressed as possible. And you provided us with a safe and gorgeous get-away for the hours between reception and evening. Rose petals, omg!

Megan: Liveblogging! Your awesome skillz at typing while listening allowed everyone who wasn’t there to get to be there vicariously.

Kelan: you fed us with flare, you gave the most beautiful, heartwrenching speech, you were amazingly helpful all weekend, and you were so sweet and excited all weekend long (and months beforehand!). Also, you provided the only thing I managed to eat at the reception: a pineapple flower. (:

Ira: you showed up and dug in and helped a huge ton without ever being asked, and wound up being Heather’s right hand man. And you wore that stripy shirt just for me!

Lynnivere: you whisked me away and kept me from being alone the night before, and were a strong grounding force the day of, and held space for the one who couldn’t stay.

Sam and Michael: you provided so much amazing food! Everyone raved about how delicious everything was.

Tanya: you helped a ton during the process, were always excited about it, and kept reminding me how awesome it was going to be.

Kira: your circle casting created the perfect sacred space for us.

Warren: you perfectly executed our soundtrack.

Nathan: you made our ceremony perfect. Perfect.

Christi: you made our flowers! They were stunningly gorgeous! You also kept me sane by being on-call for me the week ramping up. For months, you were always excited about the big day which kept me excited instead of panicked – and you reminded me to breathe. You also provided both our flower girls! (;

Amanda: omg, cupcakes, holy crap. You pretty much made them and decorated them on your own, and all with a newborn baby (you had some help, I know, but you certainly wrangled and managed your helpers). You also helped us both stay sane and made me feel special and helped me with a crisis the night before the wedding – and I could relax, knowing you were on top of things for the day for Pace.

Our wedding was exactly what we both wanted – a community event, where we were surrounded by family and friends. We were both blown away by all the love and support we received.

We have so much gratitude in our hearts for everyone involved – those named and those unnamed. Long will our memories be full of your faces, your kindnesses, and your love.

Our final vow was a silly in-joke.

that no random shoes we may come across shall bring forth the end of our relationship, be they single or in pairs.

Once, long ago, at the very beginning of our relationship, Pace and I went for a walk. On this walk, we discussed many things, including potential incompatibilities. Stressful but good, we walked hand-in-hand in the moonlight through the chill autumn air.

When lo! We did come upon a lone shoe, abandoned and forsaken in the night. The moon did shine upon the racing stripe, and upon seeing it, Pace let out a mighty wail.

“Ooooooooh, Kyeli! A shoe! A lone shoe! Surely, surely now our relationship is doomed!” And she did begin to whimper.

I, being the rational and calm one, said simply, “Pace, if a lone shoe causes doom upon our relationship, surely, surely we have bigger problems than we think.”

My words did reach her ears, and she did begin to giggle and collapse into my arms, professing her love for me. That day, we did decide that no shoe, be it alone or in a pair, would ever cause doom upon us.

And there you have it. (:

Our second-to-last vow was very non-standard.

to put my best effort and highest priority toward solving major problems in our relationship, and, if those problems remain unsolvable after a year and a day, to let you go.

In our modern culture, we learn the one-true-love myth. We’ll find that one perfect mate, bond, and spend the rest of our lives in bliss.

It’s a faerytale. Lovely, but not always true. Sometimes we grow apart. Sometimes we realize mistakes unrepairable or divides unbridgeable.

Pace and I love each other so much. I can’t imagine a time where I’d rather be without her or vice versa. I can’t imagine an issue we can’t work through.

But if it happened, if the time came where she was miserable and I was miserable and we tried and tried to make it better and eventually found that we couldn’t…

I would want her to go.

I want happiness for her in all things, and if our relationship no longer provided that, I would want to set her free to find it elsewhere.

And I would want that for myself, too.

And knowing that, holding that in our hearts, gives us far more space to work through things than otherwise.

Pace and I made fifteen vows to each other.

We spent a few hours curled up in a coffee shoppe, whispering sweetness and outlining the things we wanted to promise each other. We went through our book and reworded the chapters that sang to our hearts to better mesh with the rest. We held hands and looked into each other’s eyes and worked out the most important things to each of us.

And now, we share them with you. Here are the bulk of our vows, the first thirteen. (The last two are forthcoming, in the next two weeks.)

In this sacred space, surrounded by our loved ones, in the presence of Spirit, I do vow:

to acknowledge and accept that you will disappoint me.

We are happy to share our reasons behind any or all of them, but they seem self-explanatory, so I’m going to leave them as they are. Feel free to ask us anything; we’ll happily answer.

Brides the Day After
by Lynnivere

What are we if we are made of meat?
We paint our bodies with flowers and sighs
And every moment we are loving full force
               Our monkeyspheres and our families.
Love is the change we wish to see and be.

We are constantly recreating ourselves -
Our former selves created in our current image,
Striving for the noble goal that shares
               And bares our souls once more.
The self is always working.

The center of our creation is an ideal-
An ideology. We call this paradigm
Connection. Connected not like bricks
               Glued together but instead like flowers
Growing all up out of the same earth.

We refurbish words through alchemy,
Transfiguring slung mud into the fertile earth.
These words belong to us now -
               Words like Freak and Witch and Wedding.
We have made these words our own.

Our power is an intrinsic quality
Rooted in effective communication.
With our words we can do magic
               That heals, emboldens, and connects.
Our communication. Our connection. Our Love.

We’re gathered here today, as family and as friends of Kyeli Ruvoryn Lorino (Smith) and Pace Mawokamatanda Reagan (Smith) for their joyous, illegal wedding ceremony.

Pace and Kyeli really wanted you here to share this day with them, and that’s profound. You see, Kyeli and Pace can’t legally get married in Texas. The state of Texas, like too many other states in this country, wants to pretend that their union doesn’t exist.

Well, that’s just too bad for Texas…

Look at what Pace and Kyeli have done. They’ve built a home. They’ve built a family. They’re raising a beautiful, amazing son. They’ve brought together a community of hundreds and hundreds of people. They spend their days teamed up together, encouraging people to communicate, to grow, to change the world.

They haven’t done this in darkness or in silence. They haven’t done this by hiding who they are. There’s no way they could have. They live their lives brightly, like shared beacons of possibility, showing others just how great things can be when you’re true to yourself, when you commit yourself to the things that you believe in, and when you treat those you care about with love.

And that’s where we come in. Just as surely as Kyeli and Pace have reached out to us, we’ve reached out to them, and we have an opportunity to keep reaching out to them. Marriage isn’t just the union of two people, it’s a union of the community. When a marriage is stronger, we’re stronger. When we’re stronger, the marriage is stronger.

We live in strange and, in many ways, strained times. We have more personal freedom than ever. We have vastly more options, and far fewer limits. We are a sea of individuals… and many of us are more alone than ever. Our families are smaller, our communities are more distant, and our neighbors are strangers. It’s confusing, it’s lonely, and it’s frightening. We can’t persist alone. We can’t thrive like that. But what we can do is open our eyes, and open our hearts to each other. We can search our own hearts, know our own selves, know our own wounds, our own scars, as well as our own capacity for love, for kindness, for forgiveness, for empathy. And as we do so, we can begin to look around us and see opportunities to connect. We can begin to see others, and we can begin to see what is beautiful within them. Not despite their fear or uncertainty, but including it. We can see others as complete humans, who may have sometimes walked a rocky path, but not without carrying love and hope and compassion within their hearts, just as we have.

We can open our hearts, and learn to accept ourselves, and as we do so, we can begin to invite others in. We can’t help but build community. And we can’t help but support those we love. Of course, ultimately the success of Pace and Kyeli’s marriage comes down to… Pace and Kyeli. Being an active participant in any committed relationship is a lot of work, and that’s all the more true of marriage. It’s an incredible amount of work… but that’s because it’s a path of growth. Growth is hard, and it’s intimidating. Being that close to another person requires a lot of patience, self- examination, and, sometimes, sacrifice.

And yet, that’s also the reward. You have to become stronger. You have to learn how to be giving, how to be loving, how to pay attention. You have to grow in your understanding of yourself — and others. But, just as you must do these things to be an active partner, you also have a partner. There will be someone there to care for you, to help you when you stumble, to team up with you to rise to new challenges, and to allow you to see yourself more clearly than you ever could on your own.

It’s not easy work, but it’s some of the only work truly worth doing.

This was written and read by our very dear friend Nathan Winant, who officiated at our wedding. We were both completely blown away by the depth and beauty of this, and it really set the tone for the rest of the ceremony. Thank you, Nathan.

This is the first time I (Pace) have touched the Internet since Friday night. Kyeli and I haven’t even peeked at Megan’s liveblogging of our wedding yet!

We were up until 4am last night and the night before, so we’re taking the day off of blogging today — we’re collapsing, recuperating, and enjoying each other. We’ll post about the wedding soon, but for now, here are a couple of pictures to hold you over. Thanks for these pictures, Toby!

Without further ado, here’s each of us walking down the aisle accompanied by our respective moms.

Kyeli and her mom

Pace and her mom

This wedding liveblogging post comes to you from Megan M., perched in the front row!

It’s a gorgeous day for a wedding — which, incidentally, starts in twenty minutes or so. Pace Smith and Kyeli Smith are getting married at 2:12pm this afternoon at their awesome house in Austin Texas, and you can “be here” too, if you want to follow along. I’ll be liveblogging the wedding the way I would usually liveblog a conference (I don’t know whose idea this was, but I am SO diggin’ it).

This means that you can refresh this page and read all the bits and pieces as they happen.

Glorious, huh?

Important points:
* I will be tweeting from Pace’s Twitter account.
* Video and later, photos will go up in my Flickrstream.
* All you need to do is refresh to see the latest bits of text — and feel free to comment profusely!

More coming soon!

The yard behind the house is filled with chairs and the sun is shining. Nathan is ringing a gong. This probably means that something awesome is starting. “Everyone! Please be seated” he says to everyone, already seated “…and silence your cell phones.” Of course!

A beautiful woman whose name I don’t know comes to the front: “By the earth, which is her body. By the air, which is her vital breath. By the fire of her bright spirit. And by the living waters of her womb. By all the powers above and all the powers below and all the powers that gather in between, the circle is cast. We are between the worlds. What happens between the worlds changes us and all the worlds. So mote it be.”

Whatever this song is, I love it. I see bridesmaids walking around the edge of the fence, coming around to the back. They’re all in shades of blue, so pretty!

A girl scatters lavender flower petals in front and Kyeli is walking around back with her mother. She’s dressed in gorgeous white, with blue in her hair and huge yellow flowers! There are blue ribbons. She’s smiling.

Whoever picked the wedding music ROCKS. Do you think we can get them to give us the playlist to post here? ;}

Pace is walking around back now, coming towards the front. She’s bouncing to the cutest Japanese techno song EVER. She’s in white and she’s grinning and she has pink flowers. She’s so pretty! Her dress is all white with a bright pink ribbon tying up the back. I love it!

Pace and Kyeli are facing each other. Pace is reading something in another language — maybe more than one language. Kyeli is saying something that sounds like a story. “You not only disturb me, she said. You shatter my entire existence.”

Nathan is officiating in a black Utilikilt. He says: “We join Pace and Kyeli for their joyous… illegal wedding ceremony.” Gleeful laughter from those attending. He says, this isn’t legal in Texas — and that’s TOO BAD FOR TEXAS. Look what Pace and Kyeli have done. They’ve built a family, they spend their time encouraging people to grow and change the world. They haven’t done this by hiding who they are. They live their lives brightly, like shared beacons…”

“Just as surely as Pace and Kyeli have reached out to us, we have an opportunity to reach out to them. Marriage isn’t just the union of two people. It’s the union of the community.”

“It’s confusing and lonely to be isolated the way many of us find ourselves. We can’t persist alone, we can’t thrive like that. What we can do is open our eyes and open our hearts to others. We can search our own hearts, know our own selves, know our capacity for love, kindness, forgiveness, empathy…”

“We can look around us and see opportunities to connect. We can see others not despite their fear and uncertainty, but including it. Seeing them as whole humans who may have sometimes walked a rocky path but not without carrying love, hope, and compassion in our hearts — just as we have.”

There are bamboo wind chimes hanging from the edge of the porch. There’s a gentle breeze and it smells like grass and incense and happy people.

I can’t see Kyeli’s face, but I can see Pace’s. Marty has snuck around to the other side to take video!

“This cord symbolizes Pace and Kyeli’s intent to join together today…”

There’s a professional photographer getting much better pictures than I would have gotten — so I am paying attention to text! Kyeli is saying, “You really see me. You really understand me. And when you don’t, you figure me out. You nourish me, you challenge me, you give me space to grow in my own way. My heart knows your heart, and in that knowledge I find peace and love.” Her voice is breaking and they’re TOTALLY in tears, still beaming.

“To give you space to be who you are, no matter who you are.”

“And that no random shoes that we may come across shall bring about the end of our relationship, be they single or in pairs.” Okay, lots of people laughed at that one. Did I hear wrong?

“The moment I met you Kyeli, I thought that you were really hot…” Pace is saying her vows, now. The audience giggles. “Today, I see your heart. I see kindness. I see honesty, generosity, a yearning for growth, a longing for peace. And I see love. I love you, Kyeli. I love you with all my heart, and I accept you as you are — all that you are.”

And then she said the shoes thing again. Someone is going to have to explain the shoe thing to me, so mote it be.

Nathan: “As you have poured these waters together, so too have you mingled your lives.” He continues: Amethyst has long held spiritual significance for Pace and Kyeli, which is why they have chosen it for their rings, to symbolize ongoing commitment and love.

The camera is clicking as they take out the rings. Kyeli is wearing these super spiffy white knit arm warmers with her gown, they look spectacular.

“You have made this commitment to each other in community and with the blessing of the divine. Do you, Kyeli, take Pace to be your unlawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “Do you, Pace, take Kyeli to be your unlawfully wedded wife?” “I do.”

Nathan’s voice gets louder and more powerful, and he goes on: “By the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church and in blatant defiance of the state of Texas, I now pronounce you… WIFE… AND WIFE!” CHEERING! “Make with the kissing!”

We all milled around the back yard for awhile, eating and talking. Then Pace and Kyeli returned — “Ahem, AHEM! Ladies and gentlemen… PACE… AND KYELI!” — and had their beautiful first dance! I scrambled around the internet looking for a way to upload their wedding mix, and didn’t find anything that wouldn’t be far more illegal than the wedding. So I’m saving that bit for later!

Toast, toast! Kellan is toasting, and I hope he won’t be upset if I spelled his name wrong. ^_^

“…They’re already married, but they finally get to put together the ceremony they’ve always wanted. (They’re famous revolutionaries, you know.)” There’s all this emotion in his voice.

“I continue to learn from them. They inspire me to improve myself and my marriage. They bring hope to the institution of marriage — it makes me very happy that they have each other.”

Amanda is toasting now, too. “I’ve been in their living room while they were fighting, and it’s beautiful. They really do practice what they preach. I know that this will work. It’s beautiful.” Clapping and clapping!

Green: “This is a poem that I wrote about a week ago. I really wanted to create something that would share what I have learned from these amazing and wonderful ladies…” And she reads her awesome poem.

Kyeli: “And now we’re gonna make with the cake!”

Kyeli explains the shoe thing, while someone gets a knife to cut the cake! “Very early on in our relationship we were having some trouble and we had gone for a walk.” They’re using dinosaurs to illustrate. “And we came upon a lone shoe in a field. Gasp! Oh no! The full moon hit this shoe, hit the shiny bits, and Pace said, ‘OH NO! A SHOE! OUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED!’ And I said, A shoe? A SHOE is going to doom our relationship? And we decided not to let the shoe destroy our relationship, and indeed, not to let ANY shoe destroy our relationship.” Cheering!

If you’re a member of the Freak Revolution Coffee House, you can join us in this great thread started by David to wish the brides well!

The cake, made by the lovely Michael and Gemma of Curious Confections:

The bouquets!

And a lot of bubbles…!

Thank you so much for joining us over the glorious intarwubs! Please take a moment to wish the happy brides well in the comments. ^_^

Peace out. ;}

Pace and I are having a big old-fashioned wedding ceremony tomorrow.

Tomorrow!

Since yesterday, friends and family galore have been flying in and driving in and generally showing up to be part of our 6-day Wedding Extravaganza. We have 100 people, all told, loved ones from near and far.

If you couldn’t make it (or didn’t get an invite) – no worries! Megan will be live-blogging it, so keep hitting refresh on our blog during the wedding (starting at 2:12pm Central on Saturday) to virtually be here with us. We wanted to invite every single one of you to be here in person, but with a little venue and an even littler budget, we couldn’t. Rest assured, you’re all in our hearts. (If you want to give us wedding presents, we’d be delighted if you’d donate to our honeymoon fund! Woo, Ireland!)

So, anyway, why am I bothering you on this fine November morning?

Here’s why.

Two years ago, I would never have believed that I could have a faery-tale wedding. In about 30 hours, it’s happening.

We don’t have a lot of money.

We don’t have a lot of time.

We don’t have a lot of knowledge about weddings.

We don’t even live in a state that will recognize our marriage.

But Pace and I both wanted a faery-tale wedding. We wanted the whole shebang, from fancy dresses to flower girls to a glorious cake. We didn’t want to put it off til we had all the things we didn’t have.

It was our dream, and we made it come true.

It hasn’t been easy. It’s been downright terrifying at times, in fact. (Like a venue change less than a week before the event! Yikes!) But it’s happening – tomorrow – and we’re both incredibly happy and in love and super excited. (I doubt we’ll get much sleep tonight!)

All too often, obstacles are things we subconsciously put in our own path, to keep us safe in the feeling that we can’t do the things we most want – not because we’re stupid or assholes or whatever, but because we simply can’t.

But what if you could? What then?