In keeping with my annual tradition, this Samhain Eve I’m reflecting on everything that’s happened this year. (I wrote this on the 31st but scheduled it to delay posting until the following Monday.)

Samhain is the end of the old year and the beginning of the new; a perfect time for reflection and introspection. This post is different from all the other posts in our blog; it’s a glimpse into the whole of our year, not just the bloggy or businessy bits. I don’t give a lot of context here, so feel free to ask if you wish.

In November, in fact through all of November, December, and January, I was vegan. We began our Communication for the Holidays telecourse, which ran all the way up to Yule. It went well! We chose the subtitle for The Usual Error: “Why We Don’t Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better”. I dealt with my depression by making a habit of happiness. Kyeli and I celebrated our 4th anniversary of being together, Marty finished the cover art for The Usual Error, and Megan finished the design.

In December, at long last, after three years of work, we published The Usual Error. This was when we published the limited edition: the one with the orange cover. We sold all 100 of the limited edition copies within 4 days! I helped organize the Triiibes Blog Project. Kyeli’s grandfather died. I went to Dallas to be there for her during the funeral, and there was some Conservatives vs. Lesbians drama. We came home and put together a fun Yule quest for Dru, and I arranged an elaborate multi-step Yule quest for Kyeli. This is also when Dru started going to counseling.

In January, I joined the Kitchen Table, Havi stayed with us for a few days, we celebrated Dru’s 11th birthday, Dru started his first semester of co-op (school for unschoolers), and we published the unlimited edition of The Usual Error (the one with the blue cover) on Amazon. We started sharing chapters from The Usual Error on our blog, one per week. I wrote down everything I learned about self-publishing. The heartspace side of me and the headspace side of me had a beautiful conversation. Kyeli and I took Iron Pentacle class with Kira and Helix, learned and grew a lot, and shared a lot of what we learned.

In February, we tried a 30-day trial of eating only raw food. It failed spectacularly for many reasons, one of which was that our 30-day trial overlapped our move from our apartment to The Chalk. Other than Heather and Stuart’s wedding (at which we gave a blessing of communication), that pretty much consumed our February. Oi.

In March, we shifted the focus of our business (which was, at the time, PaceAndKyeli.com) from communication coaching to alternative relationship coaching. Not long thereafter, we had our first paid relationship coaching call! We first heard about the tapestry thing, the you-never-make-a-mistake thing, and I took a couple of slices out of my stress pie. We went to SXSW, saw a Jonathan Coulton concert, and hung out with Naomi and oodles upon oodles of other lovely and amazing people. We went to Sea World where Dru fell in love with the orcas and decided he wanted to be an orca trainer, we went to Houston to see Kyeli’s grandmother’s house before they tore it down, and there was a fist-sized hailstorm that totalled our car. (Kyeli stopped me from rushing outside to bring the car into the garage. Thanks, hon, I could have been brained!) And we celebrated Kyeli’s birthday! Yay! I got her a very slow shoe.

In April, we started posting Freaky Thursday and Revolutionary Tuesday video entries on the blog, as lead-up to a big announcement. This and the preparation for the big thing took up most of our time.

In May, Kyeli and I celebrated Beltane by playing Chuzzle on the moon! We were afraid our website had been hacked into sending spam, but it turned out to be just SMTP header spoofing. We had lunch with my friend Nick right before he moved to Portland (like everyone else we know). On May 11th, we dropped everything to follow our hearts. We completely redesigned our business and our website so we could lead the Freak Revolution. In less earth-shattering news, I got to Inbox Zero for the first time in 14 years. Oh, and we went to A-kon!

In June, we launched the Freak Revolution Coffee House (our forum), we were mentioned on ishmael.org, we switched to a cash-based system for managing our personal finances, and there was the big hullaballoo about politics.

In July, I finished the Heart of Money course. Since then, our financial situation has been about eighty billion times less stressful for me, and that’s not even mentioning the life-changing spiritual epiphany. Other than that, our life consisted mainly of working like crazy behind the scenes on the Freak Revolution Manifesto. This was also the month that Kyeli got overwhelmed and had a retreat, I got overwhelmed and had an emergency retreat, and Dru quit Aikido.

In August, we continued to work like crazy behind the scenes on the Freak Revolution Manifesto. My team at my day job came in first at the scavenger hunt, a long-term loan was finally repaid in full, and Kyeli and I had the “Pace, don’t smush yourself” conversation. I wrote a guest post for Copyblogger, defended closed-mindedness, and Kyeli broke her foot.

In September, we finally finished posting all 34 chapters of The Usual Error and released the entire e-book for free. I finally passed Paranoia Survivor, a very fast DDR song that I’ve been trying to pass for what, 4 years now? I ranted about how one person could have saved $450,000 from scammers, and hurt a good friend’s feelings. I finally got my updated passport that actually says I’m female, we went to the hot air balloon festival in Dallas, and our pseudo-nephew Eli was born. We saw Wicked, and pronounced it The Official Musical of the Freak Revolution! We started getting excited leading up to the manifesto release, and the Freak Revolution Manifesto launched on September 28th! Amanda won the Change the World in One Minute contest.

In October, we celebrated the ongoing success of the Freak Revolution Manifesto! We asked for feedback about the contest, and responded to it. Kyeli’s foot got better, her cousin Nicole died, we met Destry, I had a great 30-second birthday, and our good friends Bre and Amit got married, at which Kyeli gave a speech comprised of 80% Beatles lyrics. Kyeli and I spent a superb weekend with our dear friend Lynnivere in the boonies of East Texas, and we released the Usual Error audiobook.

In 2009 we enjoyed Full Moon, Star Trek: The Next Generation (seasons 1-3), and Poirot. We played Aquaria, Dokapon Kingdom, Persona 4, Trilby, Tales of Symphonia, Machinarium, and we were judges for IFComp 2009. I re-read all the Miles Vorkosigan books. We played a full year of our Mage game, Kyeli and I roleplayed two Risus murder mystery mini-campaigns with each other, and we played our first family Risus game, the Catoblepas campaign. (That was Dru’s first time participating in a roleplaying game.)

2009 was a year of growth. Growth in our business (which went through quite a few twists and turns, learning at each step), growth in our relationship (continuing to heal from our codependent past to create a more and more healthy interdependent future), and growth in spirituality (I began to practice Remembrance, and learned the value of humility and service).

As the old year closes and the new year opens, I open myself to the growth the new year has to offer.

I open myself to change.

I open myself to new challenges.

I open myself to joy.

I open myself to peace.

I open myself to comfort.

I open myself to love.

I open myself.

In keeping with our annual tradition, this Samhain Eve we’re reflecting on everything that’s happened this year. It’s been a long year.

Samhain is the end of the old year and the beginning of the new; a perfect time for reflection and introspection. This post is different from all the other posts in our blog; it’s a glimpse into the whole of our year, not just the bloggy bits. We don’t give a lot of context here, so feel free to ask if you wish.

In November, Pace had fun with Ruby and Rails while working half-time as C9’s CTO. (She had not so much fun being a sysadmin, though.) Pace planned an elaborate anniversary surprise for Kyeli, and it turned out wonderfully. We spent the day in San Antonio in a five-star hotel, walking up and down the Riverwalk and fully enjoying each other. Kyeli invented the word “pocketopus,” meaning a pocket-sized octopus, and made a promise to be more reliable. Pace shared her transition story as an offering for the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

In December, life was good. Then our poly triad broke apart (although obviously Pace and Kyeli stayed together). That’s enough said about December. We don’t want to go into detail.

In January, life continued. We got rid of a bunch of our old stuff, and Pace read Stumbling On Happiness. She noodled about honesty vs. predictability and intent vs. outcome. We began the difficult process of helping our son deal with the separation.

In February, we moved to a two-bedroom apartment in the same complex. Kyeli acquired the most amazing cat ever, Phineas Nix. He has extra toes and ambition to take over the world! Kyeli did a powerful ending ritual and cast her old wedding ring into the sea. We did an Imbolc ritual together to dissolve old bonds and begin new ones. Pace AAAed a couple of 8s and briefly experimented with not playing one-player video games. Kyeli realized how silly Groundhog Day is. We learned that passion is water, not fire, and Pace started planning Kyeli’s birthday surprise!

In March, Pace walked a labyrinth to find out who she really is. We celebrated Kyeli’s birthday by taking an overnight vacation to Galveston. It was the best day ever, but it could have been the worst day ever. We had a $300 dinner at Clay Pit to celebrate Kyeli’s birthday. Kyeli did lots of self-work, had lots of epiphanies, and grew a whole lot. She also had a car accident and re-injured her shoulder. (She’s pretty okay.) We played a bunch of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Pace narrowly avoided getting scammed by a jerk named Gary.

In April, we left C9. We read The Four Hour Work Week, which greatly affected our plans for what to do for our next business and how to do it. Pace started dealing with the depression she had been feeling since (and months previous to) the divorce. She acquired a spiritual womb and energetic ovaries. We went to Poly Big Fun and gave our first Usual Error presentation with just the two of us. It went well! Pace played Rhem 3, and Pace and Kyeli played Myst Uru. Kyeli learned how to futz — how to build up her general problem-solving skills — and began fully coming into her own self. The plans for Kyeli’s birthday surprise were delayed but continued inexorably. (:

In May, Kyeli’s birthday surprise finally came to fruition. We flew to Boston to visit friends in Philadelphia, and on the way there we learned that 300,000,000 frightened people trump liquid. We came home to find the door to our apartment removed (they replaced it later). Pace made a list of concrete things to do to help with her depression. Improving her eating habits helped. Caffeine helped. Mourning helped. Forgiveness helped. Becoming the Insurance Agent of Divine Justice didn’t really help, but it was cool. Pace played through all of Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, and we bought Samus, our new gaming desktop. After 20 grueling hours, we managed to wipe Vista and install XP on it. Kyeli learned that knowing the worst possible scenario makes everything less scary. Pace had an epiphany about motivation. She started two new side projects: an ontology of video games and Meme Wars, an online CCG.

In June, Kyeli helped Pace let go of her belief that the true nature of the universe probably sucks. Pace finally integrated her headspace and heartspace aspects by loving and accepting all parts of herself. She continued making progress with her depression and gave up searching for a perfect role model. We gave our cherry wood table away and we went back to being vegetarian. Kyeli got the new Alanis CD and avoided the yearly zombie uprising. Kyeli was incredibly emotionally scarred by The Happening. We started thinking about motivational alchemy and habits.

In July, we decided to make the Usual Error Project our career! (This is when things start happening really quickly.) We settled on the exact naming and capitalization. We set up the company as a general partnership. We set our goals and priorities. We decided to self-publish the Usual Error book. We worked hard on the second draft of the book. We rearranged our environment to support our goals, our passions, and our happiness. We joined Toastmasters to improve our public speaking skills. A couple of friends lent us $22,500, and Pace AAAed her first cata. Kyeli stopped being really hard on herself and started Twittering. We acquired another kitten, Gryphon. Kyeli started exercising every day and made big changes to her diet. She learned about accomplishing long-term goals.

In August, Pace proposed to Kyeli. She said yes! (We wanted to get remarried with just the two of us.) We set a date: November 20, 2009. We finally came up with a satisfying answer to our question about the ethics of communication. Pace’s obsession with commas and quotation marks began. We lost $900, and it was AWESOME! Megan made an awesome logo for the Usual Error Project! After a lot of hard work, we finished the second draft of the book. We played through Braid with our family up in Dallas. Pace allowed herself to believe that wealth, fame, and success come easily to her. She played through Persona 3. We realized that it is our ethical imperative to help make the world a better place. We spent two full days at Austin Java to finish up the third draft of the book, and we did it!

In September, we lost $8000, and it was no problem. We merged all our other blogs into paceandkyeli.com, pulled over some relevant posts from LJ, and began the 30-day blog-o-thon, all because Steve Pavlina believed in us. In Pace’s Ice Breaker speech at Toastmasters, she announced that she would be quitting her day job. We played lots of Spore and learned the importance of taking 5-minute breaks. We continued noodling about love-based motivation vs. fear-based motivation. Meanwhile, ten of our friends were busy editing the third draft of the book. The embiggenation-induced growing pains began. We reconciled our goal of helping people with our goal of making money. We became experts at lots of things, and deeply regretted using the word “expert” instead of “competent” or “skilled”. We made our first podcast and (unrelatedly) made it into the top million websites! We thought about buying a duplex with Kyeli’s mom and brother to convince them to move to Austin, but ended up delaying those plans. Pace learned the difference between being 99% honest and being 100% honest. A former world champion of public speaking gave a talk at Toastmasters, and we learned some useful things from it. We sang a song about milk, covered our coffee table with post-it notes to figure out our business plan, and improved our organization skills.

In October, we figured out how to address the issues that come up with the “it’s always okay to talk about how you feel” policy. Steve Pavlina made Pace cry and Kyeli got Pace pretty pink flowers, got down on one knee, and proposed to her in front of everyone. Pace had a lovely 31st birthday! Kyeli bought a beautiful left-handed bass guitar and took Pace to see Alanis in concert. Kyeli struggled with overwhelming stress and self-neglect but is now on the upswing. We helped a friend with some problems she was having negotiating with her partner. Marty finished up the illustrations for the book, and Pace finally got over her punctuation neurosis. Megan, Kyeli, and Pace stayed up until 3am working on the new Usual Error Project website. It’s beautiful! Pace co-authored an e-book with Seth Godin’s triiibe! Her case study was about bi poly kinky pagan gamer geeks. We launched our phone-in course, Communication for the Holidays. Pace reflected on how being an entrepreneur is like being transgendered. After going through 1500 pages of our editors’ suggestions, we finally finished the fourth draft today! Next comes layout and design, then we’ll be ready to publish!

Pace wrote a poem to reflect on the old year and bring in the new. We’d like to share it with you.

a year of change and growth
a year of pain and hurt
the best year of my life
(not the happiest)
but the best.

a choice, a change: divorce.
a choice, a change: grow past old patterns, old crutches.
a choice, a change: shell breaking, comfort forsaking.
a choice, a change: a path with a heart.

this is my change. this is my choice.

fully awake
i enter this new year
this new life
wide-eyed
with delight.